The forever-scorned actress, always crying because of horrible men, doesn't like them that much anyway. "Men come and go but there really is no relationship like the one you have with a dog," she says.

  • Then she wept alone at her lonely little restaurant table for one, her enormous glass of red wine on constant refill status, and added, "I read this biography of Catherine the Great and it was so inspiring." [Sun]
  • Katy Perry, that riot grrl who entices boys with her siren songs of Sapphistry, has broken up with her boyfriend. Presumably because he got fed up with her never once, not one fucking time, ever following through on "the whole three way thing." When reached for comment the man said, "C'mon, babe. Please??" [Sun]
  • Kate Moss with enormous baby bump! While drinking and smoking! Gadzooks! [Sun]
  • Breaking: formidably surly and grim (but legendary) playwright Sam Shepard is kind of a drunk. [Sun]
  • National Public Slur and Debate champion Tara Reid is still holed-up at Promises Rehab despite recent rumors that she left. "We can't exactly find her, but we're pretty sure she's still here," a Promises insider tells me. "Deanna, go take that stick and see if you can't flush her out of the crawlspace. Maybe she got up in there again." [Showbiz Spy]
  • Vogue intern, hockey player, and donor of Elisha Cuthbert's sloppy remains to friends and family Sean Avery has split up with his latest girlfriend. That means she's on the market, boys! [P6]
  • Aha! Sad dog-fucker Jennifer Aniston gets the last laugh! Her soft-core, soft-touch porndoggraphy film Marley & Me is totally schooling her chiseled, intense, and ridiculously happy ex-husband, the god-like and completely un-get-overable Brad Pitt's magical dream spell Benjamin Button film at the box office. Aniston should be proud, but should also remember that no men will date a woman who's good at business. Lonely and miserable forever, that one will be. [Variety]

Image via INF}