Barack Obama had to have lunch with a bunch of boring old white guys today. Was it a round-table discussion on the future of the media? No, it was the presidents' lunch.

The ongoing liquidation of Michael Jackson's estate may have less to do with bailing himself out of financial ruin than it does securing something for his kids before he moonshuffles off this mortal coil.

[A heavily airbrushed Madonna, a fifty year old British woman, in a new campaign for clothier Louis Vuitton (pronounced "Lewis Vootin"); image via Splash]

A source close to Ron Perelman says the billionaire financier is not selling off his 190-foot yacht for $67 million because he's experiencing any financial difficulties. Just like Carl Icahn indicated a couple of months ago, it's because he's planning to upgrade to an even bigger boat, which he plans to unveil at a star-studded party at the Cannes Film Festival in May! Please pass along the good news to Daniel Benedict and Andrew Saffir if you see them! [NYO]

Atheist war on ChristmasJesus strikes London. Beware. [NYT]

1/6 — I know he was just spotted there with Ms. Reese, but while I was sitting at the bar at Mozza at lunch time today I saw JAKE GYLLENHAAL walk in, at first I thought it was Reese standing next to him (there was a blonde head.. there was a bit of a crowd at the door..) but I cannot confirm that. I was too cool to turn my head fully around to scope out the table he sat at. About fifteen minutes later DEBI MAZAR walked in with a gentleman friend and asked loud enough for me to hear (not in an obnoxious way, I think she just has a loud voice...New Yorker loud...) "Is Nancy (Silverton) here today?" [Hollywood PrivacyWatch is written by and for Defamer readers; send your sightings to tips@defamer.com.]

Andre Balazs may have inadvertently stumbled on a brilliant new hotel amenity. A tipster who stayed at Balazs' new Standard NYC last week tells us the hotel is making up for its lack of a restaurant by not only providing guests with menu binders in their rooms, but you can also call down to the front desk, tell them what you want to eat, and they'll do the ordering for you. Sadly, it appears the service is only temporary. Then it's back to holding guests hostage with $35 hamburgers and $6 cups of coffee.

Everyone wants a sugar daddy to save them. Wall Street has found one in Washington. But the newspaper industry has been batting its eyes in the direction of Mountain View, Calif., home of Google. Ha!

After flirting with actors like Ryan Gosling and Chris Pine, Disney has cast Four Brothers star Garrett Hedlund as the lead in Tron, the sequel to...Tron.

Fox & Friends anchor Brian Kilmeade says a man stuck on a ski lift with his ass hanging out should "get a Vaseline sponsorship," so he can "slide two fingers in." Plus: "Stimulus."

The masterpiece of television's modern age, The Wire, came to an end last year. Everyone just left the soundstage, trash-strewn and abandoned and forgotten. Someone recently took photos of the ruins. They're sad.

Mickey Rourke has signed on for Sylvester Stallone's The Expendables, joining Jason Statham, Jet Li, Forest Whitaker and (ahem) Dolph Lundgren in a testosterrific tough-guy ensemble. Which leads us to ask: Can this possibly suck?

If a TSA agent cries after making you take off your shoes or throw away expensive makeup, will you still be mad at him? ABC's Homeland Security USA sought an answer last night.

Oh hey, former celebrity magazine editor Bonnie Fuller is still writing some of the internet's columns most inexplicable columns, about celebrity issues. Today she answers the secret question: Why do celebs always die on vacation?

Have you noticed how Diane von Furstenberg is mentioned every five seconds on The City? Of course you have: That's where Whitney Port and Olivia Palermo spend their days "working"! But in case you've been ogling DVF's clothes on the show and you've been disappointed to find out that most of the items are no longer available, DVF comes to the rescue with possible alternatives:

Brad Pitt has exposed himself in W—and we do mean exposed, Chuck Close's unforgiving photos highlighting every worry line to sprout across his iconic face since undertaking fathering duties to a knife-obsessed Cambodian mercenary.

Arianna Huffington and Tina Brown are locked in a bitter battle to line up high-profile contributors for their respective websites/blog networks, but it looks like Arianna will emerge as this week's winner: She's convinced cranky billionaire Carl Icahn to not only blog on his own site, but also post the same pieces on the Huffington Post. Now you can not read Icahn's boring missives on two sites instead of one!

So Roland Burris, the crazy new Illinois Senator-in-waiting, will be seated! According to the Associated Press! But not according to Harry Reid. But... maybe?

• Not surprisingly, nearly every major network is planning "longer and more exhaustive" coverage of the inauguration compared to years past. [NYT]
• Ugly day at Time Warner: The company is reporting its annual first loss in six years and is writing down $25 billion in the fourth quarter. [BN]
• Is Dick Parsons in line to become Commerce Secretary? [B&C]
• Forbes laid off 19 people yesterday. [ATD]
• People's Jess Cagle is taking over as managing editor of EW. [NYP]
• Michael Hirschorn thinks it's possible the New York Times will go bust in the next year; the Observer says Times boss Arthur Sulzberger Jr. is the "media mensch of the year." Go figure! [Atlantic, NYO]
• Lloyd Grove's 4,100-word article on Sumner Redstone is online. [Portfolio]
• If a cable news doctor can be Surgeon General, we probably shouldn't be surprised to see that Joe the Plumber is now a war correspondent. [NYP]

If you're waiting anxiously for the Tucker Max movie release, you can look forward to this too: Jersey gossip Chaunce Hayden (pictured) has written a movie about stripper palace Scores. He sent us a summary!