Here, America, we hope you're happy with yourselves. Here is your "Joe the Plumber" "reporting" from the real-life no-scare quotes war in Gaza.

Elisabeth Hasselbeck may be a vocal supporter of the President, but it doesn't appear her 14-month-old son is following in his mom's footsteps. After getting snubbed last month when she was denied an invite to the White House Christmas party, Hasselbeck got a chance to meet the President over the weekend and her son, Taylor, greeted the president by headbutting him. [HuffPo]

Meet 16-year-old Taylor Lautner! The Twilight star almost lost his role in the sequel unless he could massively bulk up. Now, the media wants to slobber over those results. Did we mention he's 16?

NBC is launching a female-focused quasi-marketing agency featuring the following people: Maria Bartiromo, Meredith Vieira, and Tori Spelling. Raise your hand if you don't see the problems with this. (Hand down, Tori).

Claire Danes bundled up on a walk in SoHo with boyfriend Hugh Dancy ... Kate Hudson leaving her apartment in the West Village ... Taylor Swift leaving her hotel en route to an appearance on SNL ... Sarah Jessica Parker getting in a Prius outside her Village apartment ... Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon standing under an umbrella after leaving Japonais on East 18th Street ... Naomi Watts and Liev Schreiber unloading luggage from an SUV in front of their NoHo apartment ... Elisabeth Hasselbeck posing for photos on the sidewalk ... Madonna leaving the Waverly Inn with photographer Steven Klein, shortly before Kanye West turned up ... and Katie Holmes and Suri boarding a helicopter at the West 30th Street heliport.

Reading is up! But don't dream of crediting the Internet for that phenomenon. Dana Gioia, the Bush-appointed chair of the National Endowment of the Arts, would sooner give himself a papercut.

Sadly, yet another distinguished film critic was put down last Friday when LA Weekly shed veteran scribe Ella Taylor.

This isn't the easiest time to sell an apartment at the Plaza what with all the bad press and lawsuits, but Guy Wildenstein is giving it his best shot. The president of Wildenstein Galleries (and ex-brother-in-law of Jocelyne) first put the 8,033-square-foot former Frank Lloyd Wright Suite on the market in September for $46.5 million, a few weeks before plunking down $32.5 million on William F. Reilly's 9,250-square-foot townhouse at 7 Sutton Square. Now, after languishing on the market for four months with broker Carrie Chiang, Wildenstein has slashed the price of his Plaza spread by $4.1 million. It's now down to the bargain basement price of $42.4 million. You can take a look at the floorplan after the jump.

Two months ago, New York magazine staffers were emailing friends seeking ideas about New things for the "All New" issue. Now that issue is here! It's just as totally contrived as you would expect.

Magazines! Nightclub appearances! The once easy-access revenue stream for desperate celebrities is swiftly drying up in the shadow of this New Depression.

It's a well-known fact that in the 1980s, everyone did cocaine all the time. But how did people come down from their drug highs? In Alec Baldwin's case, sobriety arrived through destroying enormous insect aliens!

Bernie Madoff remains free on bail, in his multimillion-dollar penthouse, despite trying to hide millions in assets. And, you know, stealing $50 billion. Thanks, justice! [NYT]

• NBC's Lauren Zalaznick is forming a "panel" to help marketers target women. Just a few who have joined the program: Maria Bartiromo, Meredith Vieira, Candace Bushnell, Shelly Lazarus, and Tori Spelling. [AdAge]
• Hearst's Cathie Black is expected to sign a new 3-year contract. [NYP]
• The FT has let 80 people go. [Guardian]
• The first Madoff-related book, Catastrophe: The Story of Bernard L. Madoff, The Man Who Swindled the World, will be out in March. [NYP]
• ABC is thinking about bringing back Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. [TVW]
• Magazines like O, Glamour, W, Marie Claire and Teen Vogue all posted sharp declines in sales during the last few months of 2008. [WWD]
• The networks that went home winners at the Golden Globes. [Variety, NYT]

Fergie veils face, not crotch. [Us]

Maybe you've noticed there's a lot of Barack Obama-themed crap for sale these days. Overwhelmed by your choices? We've broken it all down into four easy categories for you. Buy now!:

George W. Bush's farewell tour is going swimmingly! We're all so thrilled to be rid of him that we're just letting him bumble around seeming kinda sad and relieved.

The Golden Globes' return to boozy, teary prime-time glory asked almost as many awards-season questions as it answered. After the jump: Five of our most burning inquiries.

The few dozen people who still read print magazines will have noticed that the January glossies are more anorexically skinny than ever before. Elle is no exception, so it's no wonder that the mag is determined to pin its fortunes on a medium that remains relevant: TV. But since Joe Zee and Anne Slowey's uninspired (and lightly-viewed) Stylista has officially failed to make up for Elle's loss of Project Runway, Hollywood powerhouse agency CAA has just been tasked with finding new shows for Elle. So if you've got a concept that's brilliantly novel but still involves the humiliation of striving wannabes, elimination rounds featuring dramatic pauses/clunky music, and plenty of tears and tantrums, you now know where to pitch.

The Post's Andrea Peyser stopped by the Greenwich Village High School this weekend, the new private school backed by Vanity Fair editor Graydon Carter, the mag's deputy editor, Aimee Bell, and actor John Leguizamo. Peyser is predictably outraged by the "selective, pretentious and pricey high school" and its proposed curriculum: "The plan is for kids to rub elbow pads with Carter-friendly Pulitzer Prize-winners. Students will learn about artifacts from a Museum of the City of New York curator, and Mandarin from random residents of Chinatown, all for an eye-popping $34,729 a year." Hold on for a moment. Random residents of Chinatown? That sounds awfully populist! Were Wendi Deng or Vera Wang unavailable? Next we'll hear that they're planning to hire regular gym teachers to teach PE classes instead of having Marc Jacobs lead students in daily workout sessions. A few months ago, The Daily put together a possible curriculum for the school and list of potential faculty members. Click here to see the larger version and consider the glam school that could have been.

This morning on Today's fourth hour, Kathie Lee Gifford found a new way to get a dig in at her co-host Hoda Kotb: playing the video clip we posted Friday documenting Hoda's on-air drinking habit.