· Seriously: NBC is developing Barely Legal, a half-hour comedy featuring Hilary Duff as an 18-year-old who becomes California's youngest lawyer. Naturally, when it fails, Ben Silverman will blame Larry Flynt. [THR]

Now that Tinsley and Topper Mortimer have reportedly split up, we thought we'd give the Tinz a quick call to see if she'd changed her cheery Tinsley-and-Topper answering machine message, which we shared with you over the summer. Tragically, the situation is much worse than we could have possibly imagined: Tinz has disconnected the number! Was it us? Did she ditch the line when she moved out? We don't know, but we have no doubt that you'll do just fine, Tinsley. Topper was neither particularly good-looking nor particularly wealthy (or so we've been told on numerous occasions), and we have no doubt that you'll snag someone cuter, richer, and more suitable for life on the social circuit. Just ask your good friend Tory Burch!

Over the weekend, George W. Bush demonstrated perhaps his most terrifying lapse in judgment in an administration full of such moments: he let Elisabeth Hasselbeck into the Oval Office.

Every age, it seems, gives rise to its own medical hysteria rooted in our collective fears. Could the Internet's dehumanizing effect be driving us to fixate on autism?

SAG's protracted pursuit of a strike authorization vote may end as early as tomorrow, with the bitter aftertaste of a secret awards blacklist lingering in an emergency meeting underway at union HQ.

Last week there was some worry about who was performing at the Obama Inauguration Concert. Now our question has been answered. Which celebrities will be appearing? All of them!

Oh, to create a musky scent that cries out to the world: "I am from Brooklyn." Bond No. 9 is giving it a shot, with edgy results:

[Double Golden Globe winner Kate Winslet; image via WENN]

Jeremy Piven faced quite the gauntlet at last night's Globes: a press pack hungry to douse him in soy sauce and eat him alive, plus his aggrieved former Broadway costar, Elisabeth Moss.

Bernie Madoff was a winner today, successfully convincing a judge to let him remain free pending trial. Who lost? The dozens of reporters who turned Bernie's block into "a full-blown media circus" as they waited for him to emerge from his toasty $7 million penthouse. He never showed, of course, although a reporter for the Times did spot pro-Bernie posters on a signpost on the corner of 64th Street and Lexington Avenue, which read "Keep Bernie Madoff Free" and "No Jail and No House Arrest for Bernie Madoff." And so now you know what Bernie's sons have been doing in recent days, too! [NYT]

Jeremy Piven was looking well at the Golden Globe awards last night. Seemingly recovered from his recent suspicious mercury poisoning, he told an interviewer that the illness just left him like really wiped-out, man.

Monday is a great day for a media column! Today: The good news is more international reporting; the bad news is black people (and bloggers!) are still fighting the power, in the US of A:

1/11 — While eating at the Alcove, I saw JACK MCBRAYER, Kenneth from 30 Rock, walk past me. I just wanted to give him a hug. [Hollywood PrivacyWatch is written by and for Defamer readers; send your sightings to tips@defamer.com.]

Tina Brown, author of a best-selling book on Princess Diana and editor-in-chief of a neat blogsite that is like HuffPo but without the faux-populism "anyone can blog" shtick, is really sweating this new media environment.

Did you know that the New York Times has a crew of "digital renegades" who are reinventing journalism through interactive graphics and databases? It's true! Too bad they're not working on fixing the newspaper's business.

• More trouble for the Ciprianis: The family's Rainbow Room lease has been terminated by Tishman Speyer for failing to pay millions in back rent. [NYT]
• The latest recessionary byproduct: restaurants are getting robbed. [Eater]
• Noah Tepperberg has won approval to open a new lounge in Chelsea. [NYP]
• Adam Platt gives John Dory two stars in this week's New York, subtracting points for a "slightly uneven" menu and "overamped" atmosphere. [NYM]
• Ron Perelman, Jon Bon Jovi and Larry Gagosian purchased the lease for the Blue Parrot in East Hampton and now plan to re-open it in May. [Page Six]
• Tom Colicchio and Craft executive chef Damon Wise are launching a new Friday night menu consisting of dishes and drinks under $10. [GS]
• Want to sample some deadly blowfish? You're in luck! [GS]

No remedy works better for that piercing Golden Globes hangover than the all-natural, FDA-approved wonder drug that is Monday Morning Box Office:

How do you know when a socialite's marriage is falling apart? They stop going to parties so they stay home and bury their beautiful faces in giant containers of ice cream. Following up on the news that Tinsley Mortimer is now separated from her husband Topper, the Observer notes that the Tinz has made few party appearances in recent months, a stark contrast from happier times when Tinsley could be counted on to turn up at events several nights a week. As for Topper, he's reportedly shed 15 pounds and has "an added bounce in his step," in case you were wondering. [NYO]

Shockingly, a lame attempt to replicate the cheap-wine-and-snacks formula of Trader Joe's under the name 'Trader John's' in Manhattan has resulted in a lawsuit.

Ratings: Tarnished Golden Globes, torturous numbers for 24 premiere. [THR]