· Condoleezza Rice has signed with WMA, who'll negotiate books, speaking engagements, and For Condoleezza or Money, a potential reality show in which a mansion full of horny twentysomethings would compete for her love. [Variety]

This is how ingrained Barbara Walters's reign of passive-aggression has become on The View: her tone-deaf (but well-meaning) attempt to draw a comparison between the Obamas and the Cosbys finally provokes Sherri Shepherd to snap.

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The Inaugural Balls went on all night and it looks like Good Morning America's Diane Sawyer enjoyed the open bars. Thanks, ABC, for not pulling her off the air despite all this slurred nonsense.

What happens when your plan to run for mayor is disrupted by a change to term limit laws, and then the other job you really wanted—a sweet cabinet postion in the Obama administration—doesn't pan out? You take over as Citigroup's new chairman, of course! The beleaguered bank announced this afternoon that Dick Parsons will take over for Win Bischoff as Citi's chair on February 23rd—assuming, of course, that the bank is still in existence by then. The good news for Citigroup shareholders? Given the bank doesn't have any money and no one is particularly interested in buying it, it's unlikely Parsons will preside over another disastrous $182 billion merger, only to dismantle it a few years later.

Previously: Bernie Madoff Guided Tour, Stop #17

We were just talking about how everyone is grossly focused on the First Couple's sex life. Here's why it's no good: You might say terrible, terrible things that can never be taken back.

Richard Johnson and Jason Binn celebrated their birthdays with a joint bash at Da Silvano on Monday night, where they were joined by their wives, Sessa von Richthofen and Haley Binn, along with guests like Donny Deutsch, Jared Kushner, Brooke Shields and Chris Henchy, Silvano and Marisa Marchetto, Ann Dexter-Jones, Lauren and Charlie Walk, Daniel Benedict, Jane and Richie Notar, Jerry Della Femina and Judy Licht, Beth Ostrosky, Amy Nederlander, Alina Cho, jewelry exec Benny Shabtai, Sharon Dorram, film producer Meryl Poster, and Gigi Stone of ABC News. [PMc, GoaG]

We'd predicted that Michael Cera would be forced to answer for his noncommittal involvement with the Arrested Development movie while at Sundance (where he's promoting his latest film, Paper Heart). Just how evasive was he?

Worst Publicist in the World™ Jonathan Jaxson sent us this photo of Real Housewives of Atlanta star Kim Zolciak, who "spent a weekend of intimacy with [fellow irredeemable sleazebag] Joe Francis while at Sundance."

We'll excuse you if you forgot that the Sundance Film Festival is taking place right now. Whether it's because of the recession or those scene-stealers in Washington who've been hogging the spotlight this week, this year's fest will likely go down as one of the most low-profile in recent memory. The first batch of events this past weekend turned out to be a disappointment to celeb spotters (unless you count the occasional glimpse of people like Denise Richards and Ron Jeremy, that is). And the situation didn't improve yesterday when Park City turned into a ghost town as important people jumped on jets to head to Washington and the less fortunate had to make do with watching the historic event on TV. (Pity the photogs: The dearth of A-listers, reports VF, sent "errant packs of TMZ reporters scrambling for a celebrity sighting that was nowhere to be had.")

It had been rumored here since at least Sunday, but that hardly made Steven Soderbergh's work-in-progress screening of his upcoming The Girlfriend Experience any less of a Sundance surprise Tuesday night.

The World Financial Center—home of Dow Jones and the Wall Street Journal—just received a "suspicious package"! No one is allowed to open any mail! Breaking!

Jessica Alba, a creature made manifest by a teenage boy's gypsy wish, is getting probably the only good press of her life, for calling Bill O'Reilly an asshole while being interviewed by Fox News.

Inauguration Day at Sundance was weirdly sedate, so to end today's installment of overheard quotes, we had to circle back for a particularly egregious one told to us by a Defamer operative two days ago.

Is it because there's a recession going on, or because the Times' Eric Wilson believes that nothing in the world is more important than cosmetics and skincare, that he's so very surprised about the absence of rioting in the streets yesterday morning, when department stores were giving away products in recompense for price-fixing? "The strangest thing about the scene in front of Bloomingdale's," he writes, "... was that there was no scene." Eerie! After all, why wouldn't you want to trek out in the snow for strictly one tube of mascara or jar of skin cream per customer, especially as nothing else important was going on?

John McCain was indeed right. Barack Obama, our glorious just-out-of-the-box new president, is nothing more than a common celebrity. Just look at today's famous person gossip rags.

The Razzie nominees—recognized for singular achievements in filling theaters with fetid bad-cinema stink—were announced today, with Mike Myers's spiritual passion project The Love Guru most singled out for its unfathomable crimes against good filmmaking.

President Barack Obama made a phone call in the president's official office, before leaving to spend the rest of the day doing more "traditional" time-wasting nonsense.

"Why don’t you guys leave me alone?" Apple CEO Steve Jobs testily asked a Bloomberg reporter probing him about his health. Good luck with that: The Securities and Exchange Commission is asking, too.