• Tom Cruise tried to impress a group of reporters at a press event in Brazil by speaking Spanish instead of Portuguese. Nice one, Tom. [P6]
• Etta James is no fan of Beyonce. She told a crowd in Seattle that she "can't stand" the singer, and that she "had no business" singing "At Last" at Obama's inauguration two weeks ago. Oh, and she's "gonna get her ass whupped," if she keeps singing Etta's songs, too. [NYDN, OK!]
• Paris Hilton wants to date a "big-money man" in LA, but she isn't having much success finding one who's willing to be seen with her in public. [P6]

It's been a long year for David Hauslaib and his Jossip blog empire. Now Hauslaib seems eager to exit his flagship site, running the "for sale" sign above atop Jossip.com.

Not all troubled-company CEOs got the memo that people get really pissed when they fly on private jets. New York Times executives are still jet-setting, for example.

The Associated Press is alleging copyright infringement by street artist and graphic designer Shepard Fairey, who based his famous Barack Obama posters on an AP image. Why now?

If you're a Gossip Girl fan and you have nothing to do on Friday, head over to The Milan at 300 East 55th Street. The show will be filming there from 11:30am to 8:30pm. If you live in the Milan, on the other hand, you might want to stay as far away as possible. According to an email sent to residents by the management company yesterday, "one of the scenes will include up to 80 background actors located just outside the front door" and "access into and out of the building from the front door will be prohibited." And if you make it inside, do note the following: "One of the final scenes will be set near the elevators and will require the temporary holding of pedestrian traffic into and out of the elevators." The full email is below.

We're down to the final six, the end's racing toward us like a runaway shopping cart, and our live-blogging routine has become as warm and comfy as a favorite shirt fresh from the dryer.

· Look, Shane Hurlbut interrupted the emotional lynchpin of the entire Terminator Salvation story! Now people who dress up as its characters for Halloween might wind up looking totally ridiculous.
· "Penn. Rourke Hathaway. Streep. We're on a first name basis." Um...are you sure about that, LAT?
· Vanity Fair gets a sneak peek at NBC's fall schedule.
· "Goddamnit, Shirl—Nazi zombies again! Traffic's gonna be backed up for miles. Better call your mom."
· Wired counts down the Top 10 Celebrity Rants Caught on Tape.
· Dancing with the Stars casting rumor: Denise Richards and Steve-O. Two more reasons not to watch!
· Well, lookee here: Bikini Girl rides again.
· And because we can't resist: one more Bale mashup, this time with seminal Disney newsboy musical, Newsies.

· Be among the baffled public to help Josh Homme and Jesse Hughes work out their deafening joke-rock identity crises when the Eagles of Death Metal appear at The Music Box.

The Wall Street Journal wrote frequently about how the SEC ignored Harry Markopolos' warnings about Bernie Madoff. It slammed the agency for investigating "without much energy." Left unsaid: the Journal was itself apathetic.

The Farrelly brothers' adaptation of The Three Stooges has been hit with about as many casting rumors as the upcoming, unwritten Batman sequel. Now, though, there may be proof that Sean Penn is suiting up.

Well, they say if you stick around in Hollywood long enough, your biggest liability will eventually turn into your most bankable asset. (Actually they don't say that, but they should.) It certainly was Aggro Batman's case, as his fist-shaking haranguing of Japanese passersby who snap his photo but fail to produce the customary $5 donation have now brought new levels of verisimilitude to his ill-tempered characterization. [YouTube]

• Jason Wu's Fashion Week show will be the second-hottest ticket in town right behind Marc Jacobs. [NYO]
• Isaac Mizrahi's debut collection for Liz Claiborne is now online and up for sale. [Fashionista]
• Not everyone is excited about Fashion Week moving to Lincoln Center. Like Anna Sui. [NYM]
• Anna Wintour is styling Adele for the Grammys. [NYM]
• Football player Stewart Bradley is interning at Elle. [Fashionista]
• Eric Wilson explains the difference between Hello Kitty and Barbie. [NYT]

But now that Shatner has a real show—Raw Nerve, on the Biography Channel—his bluster has been turned up a notch, as he insists former Star Trek co-star and snub-happy Gay Bridezilla George Takei needs to be "vetted" before being invited onto his show. Does Takei even want to be on his show? Apparently he does! Could someone bring in Christian Bale to smack the last wheezes of this never-ending cutesy feud out of both of them? ("Ohhhh gooood!!! Dah dah dah dah I didn't get invited to the gay wedd—SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU LITTLE PRICKS! IT'S FUCKING DISTRACTING!!") [YouTube]

Wednesday evening special: The full list of Bernie Madoff victims, trading partners, and customers has been released publicly. You'll need about four hours to go through it—it's 162 pages long—but if you've been wondering if your neighbor's sudden decision to trade in his Mercedes for a Hyundai was because he was a victim of the scheme, now you'll be able to find out. (The list was compiled by a firm retained by the trustee charged with liquidating Madoff's securities firm, according to the Post.) We'll let you know if we spot any notable names. Naturally, you're welcome to go through it, too, and email us if you spot anything interesting. The list in PDF format is here.

We already thought that Super Bowl watchers in Tucson were the luckiest fans ever, what with the free porn that briefly graced their televisions. Now, they're getting paid to have watched it.

Kidding! It's rhetorical! Clearly it's not such a slow news day that we would actually contrive to ask that question, right? Right. But someone would — you get one guess who.

Who's the lucky bride distracting 61-year-old billionaire New York owner Bruce Wasserstein from the troubles of the media business? She's Angela Chao, a politically connected 35-year-old shipping magnate.

After a glowing NYT write-up and a new night of the week, we're hoping Life starts to see better ratings. Sadly, the boost from Knight Rider dissolves quickly in American Idol's jetwash.

To save the homeless, David Archuleta doffs jeans. [Us]

Steven Simkin, a partner at a big New York law firm, is suing his ex-wife, Laura Blank, for $2.7 million he paid in a divorce settlement for her half of a Bernie Madoff account.