The producers of this year's Oscars would really like you to watch the awards ceremony. Especially you, easily-marketed-to young men. They've even convinced your God, Judd Apatow, to do a short film!

The voicemail message at Gilles Bensimon's apartment.

For such a limp-eyed season of American Idol, this is what passes for scandal: contestant Joanna Pacitti, who has acknowledged a previous recording contract, has close ties to the show's producers, 19 Entertainment.

Michael Bloomberg revealed the source of that syrupy smell that has occasionally (and mysteriously) wafted over the city over the past couple of years. And it's New Jersey's fault. Of course. Following an investigation by "a team of odor investigators," the city now says the culprit was the International Frutarom Corporation in North Bergen, which processes fenugreek seeds for flavorings. Your tax dollars at work! [1010WINS]

Somali pirates win! The world's most popular bandits had been holding a Ukrainian weapon-trafficking ship for ransom for four months. But they finally got their money, via "the new way to deliver pirate booty":

Were you aware that not so long ago, young corporate lawyers sometimes had the audacity to dress in casual clothes, even, gasp, Uggs and jeans? Well, if the recession has done anything positive, it's put an end to such wantonly inappropriate behavior, reports the Wall Street Journal's Christina Binkley. Yes, formal power dressing is apparently back with a vengeance, which for men means white-collared colored dress shirts with ties, expensive dark suits, and shiny shoes; basically the only way anyone in a law firm's office should be able to tell that it's not actually the eighties is by the presence of Blackberries. "I think people expect high-powered lawyers to look like high-powered lawyers," sniffs Bill Brewer of the law firm Bickel & Brewer. "Anything else is sending the wrong signal." Like the possibility of paying less than exorbitant billable rates in a recession, presumably.

Ha, this parody of the NYT's ad for its "weekender" deal is funny because it's true. Who doesn't love the Politics & Socks section? Note to Times: even aged hipsters are mocking you. Not good.

At 11am Bloomberg will announce source of NYC syrup smell

Today we have football player seduced by a starlet, and by cocaine. Also, a terrible drunken celebrity, a terrible meth-smoking celebrity, and an actor in trouble with Child Protective Services.

• It looks like Russell Simmons has given up on plans to sell off his duplex at 114 Liberty Street, which suffered extensive damage on 9/11 and has been on-and-off the market ever since. Back in 2006, the pad was on the market with a $7.2 million price tag. Following a year-long renovation—and after moving out of the Saddle River home he shared with his ex, Kimora—Simmons is living there himself. The 8,000-square-foot apartment (with 3,000 square feet of outdoor space) now sports a design by Benjamin Noriega-Ortiz, "incorporates many Hindu and Buddhist ideas," and has its own yoga room, naturally. [NYP]
• Willem de Vogel, a partner at the private equity firm Three Cities Research, sold his 2,950-square-foot loft at 105 East 29th Street for $2.3 million. [CF]
• Béla Szigethy, co-CEO of The Riverside Company, and his wife Alice, have sold their 16th-floor apartment at 90 Riverside Drive for $3.5 million. [CF]

What do you get when you mix the star power of musical train wreck Axl Rose with the finance-as-a-second-career media appeal of former ballplayer Lenny Dykstra? A Guns N' Roses financial columnist!

So much for people's ability to perform well under pressure: MRI scans carried out on stressed-out students about to take exams showed reduced activity in their prefrontal cortices—the area that controls attention, task-planning and judgment—and they did far worse on tasks than a relaxed control group. The best part? The study's subjects were medical students. So the next time you're being treated for something painful or life-threatening, cross your fingers that your doctor isn't too overburdened to think straight. [Newsday]

Reminder: voting for our poll "Which Conde Nast Magazine Most Deserves to Live?" closes at noon today. You'll have no chance for a sweet free subscription to your favorite unless you vote now! [VOTE]

Some surprising finds from the massive list of Madoff victims released last night: John Malkovich, Hall of Fame pitcher Sandy Koufax, the estate of John Denver, CNN's Larry King, former public advocate Mark Green, real estate developer Larry Silverstein, and Madoff's own lawyer, Ira Lee Sorkin. (Not everyone listed is necessarily a victim—it includes anyone who responded to advertisements placed by the trustee overseeing the bankruptcy of the firm.) But there's one name that is curiously missing from the list. Zsa Zsa Gabor! The 91-year-old actress and her publicity-loving ninth husband, "Prince" Frederic von Anhalt, made a big production a couple weeks ago about how they lost $10 million to Madoff's scheme. Neither Gabor nor von Anhalt, however, are listed in the 163-page document.

You know those annoying commercials for the New York Times that have been blanketing the airwaves for the last few years? The ones that go on about how "there's the week, the weekend and the weekender"? The 92Y created an spoof of the spot. Click on the video above for amusing performances by the likes of Michael Ian Black, Todd Barry, Paul Rudd, and David Wain. [via AllThingsD]

Try not to get frustrated. Christian Bale may have yelled his way out of a gold statue, and Tom Cruise never stopped to think why those glib Brazilians weren't responding to his Spanish.

Jennifer Jason Leigh turns 47 today. Sulzberger family patriarch and former Times publisher Arthur Ochs Sulzberger Sr. is 83. Former Morgan Stanley co-president Bob Scully is 59. Actress Laura Linney is turning 45. Writer/director Christopher Guest is 61. Baseball legend Hank Aaron is turning 75. Film director Michael Mann is 66. Oscar-winning documentarian Errol Morris is 61. Bobby Brown is turning 40. And two former SNL stars are celebrating today: Chris Parnell is 42 and Tim Meadows is 48.

Sarah Palin's apparent go-to girl for elite East Coast media leaks, Cindy Adams, has more news on the Alaska governor: She supposedly got an unexpected call from Bill Clinton, hehehe.

• Bank of America went ahead with the purchase of Merrill Lynch—even after having last-minute doubts—because Washington pushed it to do so. [WSJ]
• Yesterday's testimony by Harry Markopolos before a House subcommittee looking into the Madoff affair was eye-opening, to say the least. [NYT, Reuters]
• One damning accusation by Markopolos: Walter Noel's Fairfield Greenwich Group went on a "three-year auditing shopping spree." [Fortune]
• Another Markopolos revelation: The Wall Street Journal missed numerous chances to break the Madoff story open. [Clusterstock]
• Reaction to Obama's plan to cap Wall Street pay—and opinions as to whether it could even work or not—has been all over the map. [WSJ, BN, NYT]
• Erin Callan took a leave from Credit Suisse because she's been summoned to testify before a grand jury about the collapse of Lehman Brothers. [NYP]
• The number of new claims for jobless benefits reached its highest level since the 1982 recession last week. [WSJ]

Hard to imagine, but try: Could the eco-hippies who published late green magazine Plenty be stiffing writers who contributed to its last issue? Environmental writers are starting to suspect so!