· Or, in a simpler variation, just drop 20 on her DVD Totally Fit and call it good. She'll sell it to you personally tonight at the Virgin Megastore.

There's one Hollywood role up for grabs that some of its biggest female stars want nothing to do with: the temptress whose text message began the fight between Rihanna and Chris Brown.

ET's coverage of Dancing with the Stars has traditionally been exhaustive, so why has their every mention of the new cast omitted perky fluff oracle Nancy O'Dell?

There is a man in this photo with Joaquin Phoenix. Learn his face, for he may be the dark wizard conjurer behind Phoenix's career transformation into a trainwreck.

We've already shared with you Joaquin Phoenix's flea-ridden performance art; now, onto the next chapter of Two Lovers' doomed PR assault, in which Gwyneth "Fuck the Haters!" Paltrow describes for Oprah her dieting regime.

No one will confirm it, and considering the secrecy around the project, Universal may never disclose the rumored seven-figure price tag accompanying its deal for Jonah Hill's new screenplay Adventurer's Handbook. Still — seven figures?

Double snaps to 30 Rock, as it has entered our pantheon (it's a storage locker in Atwater Village) of shows that are too dominant in their genre to recommend (along with American Idol and AC360°).

If Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt have been quietly assembling a knife-wielding, multiracial child army, sources indicate that there are about eight newborns who Jolie would like to sic her young platoon on.

[Some folks playing basketball in New York's unseasonably warm weather yesterday; image via Getty]

Like Napoleon marching into an abandoned Moscow, Larry Page and Sergey Brin have led Google's advance into traditional advertising only to find nothing to loot. Now begins Google's long imperial retreat, starting with 40 layoffs.

Happily, Bride Wars wasn't the '09 setback we feared for Anne Hathaway, but rather a minor detour on her way to the coveted, gender-bending Shakespearean promised land.

Wall-E's umpteenth Oscar snub: Peter Gabriel bails out. [DHD]

Will America never get its precious Commerce Secretary? Obama's latest Commerce nominee, Republican Sen. Judd Gregg, has just withdrawn from consideration. Maybe they shouldn't have picked a guy who opposes Obama on everything?

The days of producer and rookie Oscar ringleader Laurence Mark not getting his way are largely over, except for one unresolved bit of correspondence from nearly 30 years ago.

New deal at the New York Times: buy an ad, and they'll throw in a free feature story! We kid. But seriously, those fake Amish fireplace ads will save journalism one way or another. [NYT]

Curious as to how Mike White (the multi-hyphenate behind films like School of Rock and Nacho Libre) ended up a contestant on The Amazing Race? White talked to Defamer about what exactly got him running.

Why work when you can Twitter? David Pogue from the New York Times played copy editor, Tina Fey contemplated cookies, and Internet-celebrity expert Paul Carr was just glad to be alive.

What's this, Tina Brown's internet project The Daily Beast is trying to get a business model? I thought it was all just for kicks! Nevertheless, the Beast is considering selling some "advertisements." While staying pure:

American Idol prelims are over. Thank ye gods. But what about some of those choices, huh? Why are they making the weirdos and duds so easy to spot this time around? We need more mystery!

Last month, we offered the amuse bouche of a Nip/Tuck patient requesting a Tyrannosaurus Prick-reduction. Now that the episode has aired, we're thrilled to present the extended version. (That's what she said.)