We've already shared with you Joaquin Phoenix's flea-ridden performance art; now, onto the next chapter of Two Lovers' doomed PR assault, in which Gwyneth "Fuck the Haters!" Paltrow describes for Oprah her dieting regime.

From what we can gather, it involves consuming a variety of birds, followed by large quantities of cheese, topped off with unlimited desserts, and all washed down with a bucket of rendered duck fat. We mean, Mario (that's Batali, celebrity chef and her Spain...on the Road Again co-star, stupids) will tell you how much she eats. Trust her. It's tons. And how does she keep off the weight? Easy—by not thinking about her weight. It's that simple.

Until this moment, God bless her, Oprah had been keeping it together by chanting the word "OK" after every hateful word to spill from the corners of Paltrow's gravy-saturated mouth. But this—this "denial diet," this "positive psychic body reinforcement" or whatever you wanted to call it, was too much to bear. A quick neck-swiping was all it took for all the cameras in the studio to switch off, at which point the audience respectfully looked away as Winfrey launched herself at her guest with the strength and fury of ten life-fulfillment gurus denied adult-sized fried chicken portions for far too long. [Oprah]