We've already pointed out a chilling similarity between Michael Jackson and Watchmen's Rorschach.

"People assume there's some FCC rule that says you can't drink alcohol on television. Nonsense. No such rule exists." -Morning Joe's Willie Geist

The Bravo network is planning a real live realistic reality show about private school kids in Manhattan. It's Gossip Girl for those who prefer reality television! Because people love despising rich kids.

While Dakota Fanning failed to capitalize last night on her honorary blackness, Seven Pounds co-stars Will Smith and Rosario Dawson indeed felt the sweet if transitory kiss of NAACP Image Awards validation.

Tomorrow isn't just Valentine's Day. It's also Steve Schwarzman's birthday! Did you forget to order him a gift? Allow us to help. BestStoneCrabs.com will send over three pounds of their "succulent Stone Crab Claws" along with "Papa Hughie's Homemade Mustard Sauce," and it comes with cocktail forks and a mallet, too. Okay, it's only $195.00 for an order of "colossal claws," which is a bit less than Steve ordinarily spends on his crab habit, but the gesture will be very much appreciated. (And if they're not quite up to par, he can always pass them off to one of the housekeepers. They eat, too, you know.) Just make sure to select express delivery so it makes it there on time. Direct your gift packages to Mr. Stephen Schwarzman, 740 Park Avenue, Apt. 15B/16B, New York, NY 10021. Don't forget to include a "personalized note."

You've already marveled at the Super Bowl teaser—now feast senses upon the full Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen trailer, surreptitiously captured by a Friday the 13th patron currently being popcornboarded at an MPAA detainment center.

Way back in October, people were already saying that NBC's 30 Rock had exhausted its "Yes it's a product placement, but it's also a funny storyline!" justification. Oh, how wrong they were. Mmm, McFlurry!

Conservative columnist and former Reagan speechwriter Peggy Noonan noticed some things. The Upper East Side was empty, like in a Will Smith movie, but because of the recession, and not because of vampire zombies.

• Bravo is producing a reality series about New York City private school kids. Not surprisingly, it's being dubbed as "the real-life Gossip Girl." [B&C]
• Walter Anderson is stepping down as chairman and CEO of Parade. Richard Beckman has been mentioned as a possible replacement. [NYP]
• The recession has led more TV stations to accept liquor and sex ads. [LAT]
• Fox is testing out shorter commercial breaks. [NYT]
• Sirius XM is closer to a deal with satellite mogul Charles Ergen. [WSJ]
• Google is quitting the radio business. [AdWeek]
• Condé Nast has pulled the plug on a Japanese version of Glamour. [WWD]

Fashion Week is in full force, but the runways are too crowded for clunky laptops. That's why the Sony^® VAIO^® Lifestyle PC is all you need: At just 1.4 lbs, this laptop makes productivity look hot. Check it out here.

Welcome back to Defamer Attractions, your guide to everything new, noteworthy and machete-wielding at the movies. This week: Isla shops, Clive broods, Joaquin departs (we think), and pretty much everyone at Camp Crystal Lake dies.

That hirstute Madonna nude photo sold for $37,500, more than double its estimate. A-Rod's having a happy Valentine's! True trivia: Madonna got paid $25 for the shoot. Not even enough for Nair. [BBC, Previously]

The Stimulus Bill is really long! And it's full of "numbers" and stuff! This is why no one is going to vote for it.

And you were worried that Fashion Week would suck this year! New York's most famous hooker turned up in the front row of Yigal Azrouel's show this morning. Her publicist said Kelly Cutrone had invited her. Naturally. [WWD]

Weep for the DABA girls: an actual statistical analysis of the New York Times' wedding page reveals that finance guys just aren't getting married as much as they used to. Because they're all fired, probably!

If you've ever watched The City and wondered whether Whitney Port and Olivia Palermo are actually sitting at their desks all day at Diane von Furstenberg and slaving away, well, it looks like The Daily may have finally put the matter to rest.

Take note, beleaguered Wall Streeters: Your girlfriend may have left you (now that you're unemployed) and your therapist may no longer be taking your calls (now that you're no longer paying your bills), but there's at least one person out there who wants to hear all about your troubles: Michael Moore! The filmmaker says he's currently looking for "a few brave people who work on Wall Street" to interview for his upcoming documentary on the financial meltdown. Hey, it's not like you have anything better to do, right? [NYT]

If your husband or boyfriend has to work late tonight, or has plans with a friend, or suddenly needs to attend to a sick relative, we hope you realize that what he's really doing is cheating on you—or so say florists and restaurateurs for whom business is just as brisk on February the 13th as the 14th, since men placate their mistresses by seeing them the night before Valentine's Day. "I guess probably in 10 years Hallmark will make a card for it," as the cynical manager of DUMBO's River Cafe puts it.

The silver lining of this recession has been found: sex and liquor ads are now all over prime time! Even Fashion Week people are grovelling before lube companies for sponsorships! It's nice.

After the friendly transfer of power from the worst president ever to our Hope King, Bush folk fell back into the old habits, telling reporters that Obama hates America and will cause all the terrorism.