Cristiano Ronaldo is a soccer superstar who makes a boatload of money kicking balls into goals. How much money does Spanish club Real Madrid pay him? Somewhere near twenty million dollars ($) a year. Have you ever wanted to know how poor you are in comparison to the Portuguese footballer? Follow me.

Harvard professors are no longer allowed to engage in "sexual or romantic relationships" with undergraduates or with grad students under their direct supervision, Bloomberg reports. Previously, student-teacher relationships were frowned upon, but only officially prohibited when the student was in the professor's class.

Narcotics have been a fabric of life on this continent for thousands of years. A huge number of academic studies, undertaken by the government and institutions of higher learning, have attempted to plumb the depths of that usage. Now, we join that noble pursuit, with the most important drug question of all: How much do drugs cost in your city? And can you even get good stuff?

Female celebrities are reportedly growing tired of the shallow inanity and vapid questions that come with walking the red carpet at awards shows. So boycott it, then.

On a Japanese stunt TV show at the end of January, a twelve-year-old member of tweenage pop group 3B Junior was put into a coma after inhaling helium for a prank she'd been put up to, the BBC reports.

American recording artist Taylor Swift once sang, "The players gonna play, play, play, play, play / And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate." It's a powerful message, and one used by the congressman with the reddest walls and most pronounced abdominals to explain his Downton Abbey-inspired office. Allow Illinois rep. Aaron Schock to explain.

A Wisconsin woman says she was recently asked to leave a McDonald's over her choice of company, even though her companion had done nothing wrong. Nothing, that is, besides being a baby kangaroo.

A certain degree of dedication isn't unusual among comics fans, but one Venezuelan man's devotion to the Marvel supervillain Red Skull apparently exceeded his devotion to having a sense of smell.

Pope Francis, the chill pontiff celebrated for his interest in helping the poor and not fucking up the Earth, put the "Pope" back in "Cool Pope" on Wednesday, endorsing a referendum in Slovakia that would ban same-sex couples from marrying or adopting children.

On Wednesday, police in Cleveland began wearing some of the 1,500 body cameras the city bought for officers last month, the Associated Press reports. Cleveland Police plan to outfit every officer in the department with the devices by June.

For nearly a month, San Antonio has been plagued by a mysterious string of robberies a BBQ restaurants. Thousands of dollars worth of pork and beef have been stolen from at least three smokehouses, leading some to believe a "brisket bandit" may be on the loose.

Update: “Rep. Aaron Schock (R-Ill.) plans to pay for all of the ‘Downton Abbey’-inspired redecorating recently done in his Capitol Hill office suite, he said on Wednesday.” — The Washington Post

Two Connecticut Muffin locations in Brooklyn both shut down simultaneously last week leaving only five remaining Connecticut Muffin locations in Brooklyn. Does anything good come out of Connecticut?

Washington Post reporter Ben Terris, who on Sunday wrote about Illinois Congressman Aaron Schock’s Downton Abbey-themed office, published a few more photographs of Schock’s inner sanctum after the article went up. They are quite something.

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Art is free to create. Art is free to experience. Art belongs to all of us. Art is, in many ways, the opposite of money. And when you mix art with money, this is what you get: art that is wasted.

Two employees of Christchurch, New Zealand insurance company Marsh, Ltd., engaged in an affair and in the throes of passion, started having sex in their office last Friday night. They apparently thought the building's tinted windows prevented others from seeing inside their well-lit sexscape. They were wrong.

Last Monday, on the night of the blizzard that talked a big talk but then never came, I was batting around an idea, one of many that had to do with the dating app Tinder, with my colleague Sam.

Remember: Gawker is posting less often to the front page. Happening elsewhere: Defamer Girl Doesn't Care If It's Your Bat Mitzvah, She Will Get Nick Jonas | Newsfeed Watch Game of Thrones' "Mountain" Break a 1,000-Year-Old Lifting Record | Internet This Revenge Porn Creep Is Going to Prison

A few days after Robin Williams' death last August, a video editor named Daniel Pastel uploaded this early '80s footage of Williams joking, riffing, doing voices, and generally just being Robin Williams with Mork and Mindy director Howard Storm.