Unemployed men are supposed to be these sad, sappy wimps. That's the stereotype the infamous DABA girls riffed on. But the distinguished historians at Newsweek predict they will follow "their worst hypermasculine impulses."

Rather than trying to clean up her image, be-weaved country tune warbler Kim Zolciak, from Real Housewives of Atlanta, is doing the next best thing. She's decided to sue her former publicist.

Maybe you've seen Richard Florida's Atantic article on meltdown geography, or the New York Times on LA's beleaguered hipster suburb . Both effectively say suburbs will eat it in this recession. Why?

Why is the Gray Lady building websites for the obscure suburbs of South Orange, Maplewood, and Milburn? Perhaps because those are the exact same towns Google executive Tim Armstrong picked for Patch, his local-news startup.

There were more important things to pay attention to this week, so you may have missed some theater news that you probably don't care that much about. Thank Godot I'm here. A small roundup:

This headline from the Trentonian is about some traffic accident. Just go with it. It was nearly as clever as this item from the Guardian's music blog, screen-grabbed by an alert reader:

Well now, let's just open the paper and have a look at the...OHMIGOD, what the hell, Jesus Christ, is the entire world economy collapsing today, worse than ever? Yes it is.

We don't want to over-excite anyone out there on the West Coast who may currently be engaged in wake-and-bake, but marijuana is now, for all practical purposes, legal in 13 states. Thanks to Obama!

Ooo, the SEC has finally released the good stuff on Stanford Financial, the mini-Madoff Ponzi scheme that made $8 billion disappear. Incredibly, the company's Southern Christian leaders were big hypocritical frauds! Jesus hated money-lenders:

People magazine is reporting that bubblegum pop star/ monster Chris Brown is back together again with battered (by him) woman/ superior singer Rihanna. I see only three possibilities, concerning this story:

Once upon a time there was an odd young internet fameball named Jakob Lodwick who decided to quit the internet entirely after it failed to adequately explain China. In unrelated news, 'Jake' Lodwick is blogging!

Sunny Huang, a California woman who goes by "Asian Beauty Lily" online, wants $3 million for the story of her "glamorous and loving relationship" with Elon Musk, the CEO of troubled electric automaker Tesla Motors.

8020 Media hoped to revolutionize the magazine business. Instead, it has circled down the drain, ending up in the hands of shadowy investors after a new CEO with a Condé Nast résumé looted the startup.

Got some info to share with us? Direct it here! Many thanks!

It appears the situation at the Metropolitan Opera is far more dire than anyone imagined: New York reports that the Met has been forced to borrow against the value of the gigantic Chagall paintings in its lobby, a move that a board member described as "a decision of last resort." [NYM]

Meet Jonathan Krohn, age 13. He spoke at the Republican orgy-fest CPAC today. He wanted to show that he is just at good at spouting nonsense as your average Fox News guest. He'll go far!

As my final post, I thought I'd leave you with something you could actually use: a visual glossary of some of the most essential people, places, and things from the expansive Defamer universe. Enjoy.

I started writing for Defamer one year ago tomorrow. I am relieved of my duties today. Reflecting on the roughly 1,400 intervening posts — and looking ahead to the future — something occurred to me.

I've been instructed to use my goodbye post to relate a story I haven't told before. So strap in, kids: you're getting the never-before-revealed tale of my brief foray into reality television.

So the media, financial, and entertainment industries continued to melt down this week! So no one has any work! So your monkey tried to kill a woman! Get over it, America!