• Whoops! Jeremy Piven was seen eating a mercury-laden plate of tuna tartare and calamari salad last weekend, although his publicist is now denying the account. [MSNBC]
• "Insiders" say that Ivana Trump and Rossano Rubicondi did not, in fact, marry because they were hopelessly in love, but because it was all part of a deal to stir up some publicity and the two even had a contract drawn up. Our faith in romance has been crushed! [NYDN]
• How did the press know Chris Brown was in Miami with Rihanna last weekend? He told them so, silly. In related news, Rihanna is reportedly refusing to testify against him (even though prosecutors plan to move forward). And Brown is scheduled to be arraigned today, although it's unclear if he'll make a courthouse appearance. [P6, NYP, People]
• Jeff Toobin changed his Facebook status to "Married" yesterday. That'll clear everything up! [P6]

After reportedly beating his girlfriend Rihanna, Chris Brown hired crisis flacks and went into spin mode: The singer apologized, took anger-management classes and spread word Rihanna was culpable. But his reputation needed more help.

• Andrew Cuomo has issued subpoenas to several of the Merrill Lynch employees who made it on to the highest-paid list for 2008. [WSJ, DB]
• Merrill is now suing Deutsche Bank for "raiding" several top bankers. [BN]
• More Merrill news: Two ex-CEOs say they were victims of Madoff. [Reuters]
• GE seems to be in some serious trouble thanks to losses at GE Capital; shares of the company are at their lowest point since '91. [WSJ, BN, DB]
• UBS execs on Capitol Hill said the bank has no plans to give up the names of clients behind the 52,000 accounts connected to illegal tax shelters. [NYT]
• The good news: The number of new jobless claims dropped last week. The not-so-good news: Worker productivity is down. [NYT, BN]

Were Democratic attacks on Rush Limbaugh coordinated with the White House? Watch Paul Begala hilariously duck and dodge and dance around Anderson Cooper's many futile questions about the matter.

If David Letterman's extended fracas with John McCain taught us anything, it's that would-be opinion leaders will pay for canceling on TV hosts. On tonight's Daily Show, Rick Santelli and his network paid dearly.

Barack Obama's barber "Zariff" has no last name and is suddenly in all the papers explaining that the president has GENUINE gray hair after just 44 days in office. Why?

Last June, HarperCollins filed suit against Victoria Gotti after she failed to turn in a memoir she'd agreed to write (and for which she'd been paid a $70,000 advance). The reason? Gotti claimed the publisher had demanded she provide inside dirt on her late father, Mafia boss John Gotti, whereas she thought the book was going to just be about her. "They wanted more of dad than I was willing to give," she said at the time. It looks like someone's had a change of mind. Publishers Marketplace reports that Gotti has signed a new book deal:

In the midst of a tour, stand-up comic Robin Williams checked into a Miami hospital with "heart issues," the Miami Herald reported. Drudge said the movie star is in "intensive care."

Chris Burden, the controversial performance artist, has become a high-profile victim of Ponzi schemer Allen Stanford. Stanford never delivered the artist's precious, artistic pile of gold bars.

A week has passed since the commenter gang gathered to live-gab the season finale of our favorite foodfight. Thought you'd seen the last this little live-blogging luau (and my hyper-alliterative prose), didn't you?

• Why do people like to watch models falling down? "Is it because us mere mortals love to take pleasure in seeing the beautiful go down? Is it fashion show turned fashion spectacle? Is it the same logic as watching a car crash?" Yes, yes, and yes. [Pipeline]
• Editors who turned up to Gareth Pugh's show in Paris were shown an 8-minute video instead of a runway show. The same one that appeared online. Surprise! [Fashionologie, Fashionista]
• Meet Ruth, Marc Jacobs's secret weapon on Bleecker Street. [Racked]
• Kenneth Cole cut 10 percent of his workforce last week. [Reuters]
• PETA's new anti-fur campaign features strippers. Classy. [Gawker]
• Lou Doillon is opening a concept store in Paris later this year. [Fashionista]
• Rebecca Taylor is introducing a line of shoes and jewelry. [FWD]
• Badgley Mischka's new ad campaign was shot by Annie Leibovitz and features Eva Longoria, Brooke Shields, Lauren Hutton and Anjelica Huston. [SW]
• What you can expect to see when Topshop finally opens on April 2. [NYM]

[Some dude promoting peanuts hands out samples to people at Grand Central Station. Who among you would have hit him?; image via Getty]

The effort, codenamed "Vevo" according to the Wall Street Journal, would involve a new showcase for music videos on YouTube, with the notion of commanding higher advertising rates. Right now, YouTube makes pennies per view — if it's lucky. Most of YouTube's bandwidth-consuming video funhouse goes unburdened with revenue.

Blue? Just read Twitter, and you'll feel better. Jimmy Fallon's producer cried from fatigue. So did a Gizmodo blogger. An ABC news guy's biggest accomplishment? Going to the DMV. The sad life of Twitteronians:

Yes, sure, ok, Portfolio editor Joanne Lipman. You go on TV and claim this year is shaping up as an extraordinary time to buy a home. That's a fine and sensical thing for the editor of a finance magazine to be saying.

Everyone's mad at the banks these days, because they've robbed us blind, and now they're holding their hands out wanting some more, please. So it's a perfect time for Johnny Depp as bank-robber John Dillinger.

Following the debate, Rush will challenge Obama to a "calling attention to yourself" constest. Anything to stay in the headlines! Screw the GOP! [CBS]

• Pics inside the UWS branch of Zak Pelaccio's Fatty Crab, opening tonight. [GS]
• Time Out's Jay Cheshes says Ken Friedman and April Bloomfield's John Dory "is the best new restaurant I've visited so far this year." [TONY]
• The owners of Long Island City's Water Taxi Beach will be opening a beach bar/restaurant next to the South Street Seaport this summer. [Eater]
• Described as "fitfully enjoyable," "uneven" and "bold," Frank Bruni gives Gabe Thompson's L'Artusi one star out of four in the Times today. [NYT]
• Top Chef's Fabio Viviani is now pitching frozen pizza. [EMD]
• The L Magazine's third annual "Bar Awards" is now online. [L Mag]
• NYC's top paella place, Socarrat, is now serving lunch and delivering. [TONY]
• Paris's latest three-star chef, according to the new Michelin Guide? It just so happens to be Nicolas Sarkozy's favorite spot. Global food scandal! [Guardian]

So Jennifer Aniston spent £40,000 on a haircut. More accurately, Fox paid for it. These celebrity extravagances makes the Hollywood ecosystem run, but with the economy crumbling, they are beginning to ask why.

Do you know what today is? It's the 20th anniversary of Time Warner. The massive merger that created the media behemoth happened on March 4, 1989. Time Warner was the future! And now?