You have to hand it to Jon Stewart: The Daily Show host at least has the good sense to mock his "Basic Cable Personality Clash" with Jim Cramer the very moment it becomes mockable.

Considering he's been confined to his apartment for the past couple of months, it's a bit of a mystery how Bernie Madoff managed to appear in court yesterday sporting such a healthy glow. Makeup? Self-tanner? Who knows, but it's nice to see that just because he's facing 150 years behind bars doesn't mean he's prepared to let himself go completely. [via Lettuce]

However much Michael Jackson hopes to make off the auction of this creepy poem of his, engraved into a marble slab, it can't be worth the damage to what's left of the singer's reputation.

San Francisco Chronicle journalists are trying to talk investors into buying the foundering daily newspaper and restructuring it as a nonprofit, writes the SF Appeal. Who are the ink-stained wretches courting?

• The Chanel show at Paris Fashion Week was just as chaotic as it was expected to be. Photographers ended up in a scuffle when Kate Moss turned up and part of the set broke. [NYT, WSJ, NYT, WWD, Telegraph, Guardian]
• Roberto Cavalli has branched out into petwear. He's selling dildos now, too, apparently. [FWD, FWD]
• Earnest Sewn's Scott Morrison and Eleanor Ylvisaker have left the company. [WWD, FWD]
• An Italian fashion website tried to tape an interview with Anna Wintour three times during Milan Fashion Week. Denied each time! [Fashionologie]

Well, someone at CNBC finally had the nerve and basic PR savvy to answer Jon Stewart: Jim Cramer, the Daily Show host's recent favorite whipping boy, will appear on the fake news show Thursday.

Aaron Klein, the WorldNetDaily writer who invented a scandal about Wikipedia censoring an article about Barack Obama, demanded we retract that claim because, in fact, he had someone else do the work for him.

Twitteronia is a scary place to be. A Googler got violent, an NBC TV host swore, and we frightened a top AP editor — while Michelle Malkin had a breakdown. Today's twittiest tweets:

Congratulations to Jim Cramer for reiterating his call for investors to pull all their money from the market on the Today Show this morning, just hours before the Dow rallied for a 5.8% gain.

[Britney Spears on vacation in Miami; image via Splash]

Sure, Ed Skyler did a heroic deed last week tackling that would-be thief who tried to run off with a woman's cell phone. (Actually, it turns out it was a BlackBerry, not a cell phone, not that it really matters.) But does the New York State Senate not have more important things to attend to than to pass a resolution honoring Skyler for his "consummate courage and bravery while confronting a mugger in midtown Manhattan"? Apparently not! Be sure to read the resolution in its entirely to appreciate this waste of taxpayer dollars that would be sort of amusing if there weren't some slightly more important things to be thinking about right now. [NYDN]

The practice of predicting the future in ads has always been dicey. But in 1993, AT&T got damn near everything right! Present-day dreamers Microsoft would kill for this record of adverfuturism accuracy:

Bernie Madoff's lawyer, Ira Lee Sorkin, signaled to a judge today that his client would plead guilty to charges, which would carry a life sentence, of running a $50 billion Ponzi scheme.

Why is Rupert Murdoch buying the Brooklyn Paper, as the New York Observer reports today? Does Rupert Murdoch even know that he's buying the Brooklyn Paper?

"One might say, in fact, that snarky writing is a wish-fulfillment for compulsive masturbators." No, that would be "banging your cousin in real life." *Snark!* [Collegiate David Denby supporter]

Gavin Newsom, the politically ambitious, Google-loving, baby-making, gay-marriage-crusading mayor of San Francisco, is meeting Twitter CEO Ev Williams today! Possibly on the agenda: Can he get tipsy female relatives off it?

The consummate professionals at the Fox & Friends morning show discussed Chris Brown and Rihanna's music careers this morning with all the sensitivity you've come to expect. Which is exactly none.

Ha, the University of Chicago's newspaper dug up a 1982 column by NYT bobo David Brooks. It's about his nightmares. He had an intense fear of gargoyles, zombies, and totally weird wallpaper:

• Richard Caring, the mogul who owns London's Le Caprice and Soho House, is taking over the Cafe Pierre and renaming Le Caprice New York. [NYT]
• Simon Oren is opening a bistro, bar and bakery on West 33rd St. [NYP]
• Barry Wine of Quilted Giraffe fame is working with Tishman Speyer to find a new restaurateur to take over the Rainbow Room. [NYO]
• Tavern on the Green has been sued once again. [Eater]
• Veritas on East 20th Street has unveiled a brand new menu. [TFB]
• You ask, Frank answers: "Is it considered poor manners to insist that a waiter write down an order instead of attempting to commit it to memory?" [NYT]
• St. Patrick's Day is a week from today. Zagat has a few bar ideas. [Zagat]
• Sales are up at McDonald's thanks to the recession. [NYP]
• Want some credit crunch cookies? They're "crisp and loaded with chips," although at $8, you may be better off sticking to Pepperidge Farm. [NYDN]

Apple cofounder Steve Wozniak made it through his routine on Dancing With the Stars without doing anything deeply tragic! Except, you know, for going on Dancing With the Stars in the first place.