Comic-book geeks can't turn movies into blockbusters, or at least that will be the lesson from Watchmen's spectacularly bad second week. Literally begging nerds to see the movie this weekend didn't work.

Hey, CNN: You've got a long sit-down with Dick Cheney. Would you like to maybe ask him about the newly-revealed assassination squads that reported directly to him, bypassing all military commanders?

The New Yorker's Seymour Hersh just spilled the beans on the roving killer team in Minnesota, leaving everyone terrified, as the investigative reporter tends to do, since he's constantly revealing, accurately, various secret horrors.

Ron Silver, the actor and Democrat-turned-Republican political organizer, died this morning after a two-year-battle with esophageal cancer. He was 62.

Dear Shepard Fairey: as human beings we're happy you produced this image for Adopt-a-pet.com and the Dog's Life magazine cover (click for full size). We'd be less thrilled as your brand managers.

Europeans just love Barack Obama, since he's not constantly calling them names and touching them inappropriately like his predecessor. So the Germans named some terrible fried chicken product after him, as an homage.

What recession? More than 10,000 revelers are expected for this year's SXSW Interactive conference in Austin, Texas this week. With no real work at hand, they're hitting the parties hard — especially the unofficial ones.

Kevin Rose, founder of the Web headline-voting service Digg, meets a fan Saturday after a live Diggnation taping at the South By Southwest conference in Austin, Texas.

This Sunday the Times ran a piece about SF cult devoted to the female orgasm. Even stranger than the group fingerbang sessions are the allusions. Not generally people you want to think of during orgasm.

Man mountain of evil shmutz Dick Cheney recently appeared on CNN. Thank God, he's remanded to punditry forevermore. In two more years, he'll just be an evil florist.

The likely answer is that there was little rhyme or reason to their stampede. Often when a group of anxious nervous and excitable models get together they tend to panic. This is because hopes of fame, ponies, and combine with aggression, uncertainty and self-delusion to combust into a fireball, sometimes called a tizzy. And once one person snaps, or tizzies, everyone snaps and they run around and into each other. This is only exacerbated when the would-like-to-be models are short—-the call was only open to women under 5'7"—and have very little chance of actually becoming a professional models without the help of Tyra et al. The Daily News is reporting that the riot was incited by someone yelling fire. But the only fire burning yesterday was likely the smoldering frustrations inside the breasts of the hopefuls

Obama has done pretty well by his logos. Pepsi loves them. People love them. But there's a dark past behind his latest logo, TIGER (Transportation Investment Generating Economic Recovery), and it involves Hitler.

Fucking fuck shit cock shit piss Gordon Ramsay dick shite taint scrotum ballsack tits scapula is selling pubic hair damn darn his Parisian restaurant wieners shits. Is this the end of him? Poopie poop poop.

An email landed in our inbox this morning from a person who has access Lindsay Lohan's Twitter account, sevinnyne. He had screen-captured some of the craziest ones. They are below.

Joey Brodish, 26, recently laid off as an editorial assistant for a gossip magazine.....was dressed this afternoon in a glittery top paired with skinny black pants. "Look around. Do you see a recession?"-NYT

Sunday morning brings the dawn in. I've got a restless feeling by my side. Oh, halo. It's the tabloids! Today, Lauren Conrad makes some unwise choices and Mr. Lohan makes an unwanted appearance. Read on.

It's like LA Story but in New York and infinitely more depressing. Happy Saturday Night. After the jump: Five songs to get you through the night.

Heart disease is the leading cause of death among humans. As Clay Shirky points out in his incisive piece Newspapers and Thinking the Unthinkable, an inability to adapt is what killed print. Coroner's report follows.

Some magophiles point to such bygone magazines like Vector, Fluxus art magazine Avalanche and T+L Golf as the world's best magazines. Happily, they're wrong. The best magazine is still extant. It's called The Economist.

The internet is very upset that Bernie Madoff looks like George Washington. Could it be because it's like being made love to by a woman with the same mannerisms as your mother? We investigate.