Andrea Peyser cannot conceal her throbbing sexuality for even the length of a single column. Nor would we ask her to! Her sourpuss writing fairly drips with (unfulfilled?) kink. Today: rock-hard prison sex!

This was the last weekend of winter! Can you believe it? Pretty soon it'll be summer, and we'll be slogging through big budget schlock about sociopaths in latex and alien witch children. Oh. Wait.

Good Morning America went to rural Alaska and cornered a 19-year-old high school dropout in his truck to ask him about his relationship with the girl he knocked up. Journalism!

Barry Diller riding his bike around town yesterday ... Rachel Weisz walking in the East Village ... Mario Batali hanging out with son Benno in the Village ... Dustin Hoffman and his daughter shopping in Soho ...Tobey Maguire pushing daughter Ruby in a stroller down Fifth Avenue ... Brad Pitt taking Pax and Maddox to lunch at Mars 2112 in Times Square ... Russell Brand shopping in SoHo ... Joshua Jackson and Diane Kruger walking downtown ... Hugh Jackman tossing around a ball in the Village ... Robert Redford and Sibylle Szaggars shopping on Madison Avenue ... Angelina Jolie shooting scenes for Salt outside St. Barth's Church on Park ... Fergie leaving a building in Midtown ... Taylor Momsen standing on the set of Gossip Girl ... Alec Baldwin leaving the Waverly Inn ... and Rihanna, Jay-Z, Beyonce and Brandy going to dinner at the Spotted Pig.

Famous American Bill Clinton has apparently decided to just walk away from up to $20 million he was owed by his old friend, creepy old billionaire modelizer Ron Burkle. Now why would he do that?

Today we have a singer's broke husband, a not-so-rehabbed starlet, a secretly gay music industry player, fucked up kids from fucked up things, long ago, and a broke actor.

Olivia Palermo turned up on WPIX last week as part of her ongoing campaign to restore her good name. And what do you know? She says she doesn't always dress up (we thought so!) and can occasionally be seen in "Converse and spandex," she decided to appear on the The City because she thought it would "be a good learning experience," and despite evidence she does not actually work at Diane von Furstenberg, she says she exclusively wears DVF to go to work every day. Oh, and if you show her pictures of celebs on the red carpet, she will totally be able to tell you what designer each woman is wearing. The video below.

Padma claims she's innocent, the Spellings are fighting again, Matt Damon's wife married better than you did, Drew Barrymore's sucking face again, Rihanna's gonna be in a movie, Jennifer Aniston's definitely not sucking face again.

Radio-talking Marlboro Man doppelganger Don Imus, a famous racist, has cancer. He announced it on his show this morning:

Remember that friend you had in college who was a total troublemaker and really crazy stuff would invariably go down whenever you hung out with him? And then the day came when you suddenly decided it was time to grow up and, like, be an adult and everything, and you decided to stop hanging out with him? That day may have arrived for Bill Clinton and sleazy billionaire Ron Burkle: The Journal reports that the former president has decided to sever his ties as an "adviser" to Burkle's Yucaipa Cos. [WSJ]

Dear magazine writers: Just because you love a super-cool independent musician usually isn't a very good reason to commission a profile of that super-cool independent musician to appear in your mass-market consumer magazine.

Remember those halcyon days when our fashion icons were strictly seen and not heard? Now the previously inscrutable Kate Moss happily talks on camera, Anna Wintour is starring in not one but two documentaries, and this Wednesday sees the debut of Carine Roitfeld's CNN Revealed special. Naturally, CNN is tantalizing us with plenty of snippets ahead of time, mostly focused on that earth-shattering issue: Does Carine really intend to steal Anna's job?

• It's good news/bad news for Alex Rodriguez: The injured Yankees slugger has finally unloaded his Trump Park Avenue apartment for $9.9 million, nearly six months after first putting it on the market for $14 million. But he's been forced to cut the price of his Coral Gables mansion once again. Origiinally listed for $14.9 million last fall, A-Rod dropped the price down to $12.3 million in January. It's now available for $11 million. [P6, CB]
• Retired Avon CFO Robert Corti and his wife Joann have paid $2.075 million for a 28th-floor apartment at 300 East 54th Street. [Cityfile]
• Investment exec Duke Buchan III has gone into contract to sell his four-bedroom co-op at 840 Park, which he purchased for $9.55 million two years ago and put up for sale for $13.95 million last October. It had most recently been listed at $12.95 million. [NYT]

Hacking streets signs is all the rage, apparently. And it's surprisingly easy to do, too. Enjoy. [Gothamist]

Sandy Weill turns 76 today. Jean-Georges Vongerichten is turning 52. Mixologist Sasha Petraske is 36. Peaches Geldof is turning 20. Brooke Burns is 31. Congressman Joseph Crowley turns 47. CNN's Reynolds Wolf is 39. Actress Lauren Graham turns 42. Jerry Lewis is 83. Game show host Chuck Woolery turns 68. Erik Estrada is 60. And Flavor Flav celebrates his 50th today.

• Lindsay Lohan certainly had an eventful weekend. After a judge issued a warrant for her arrest on Friday, Lindsay had a meltdown on Twitter and ended up in a fight with Sam Ronson that was so intense, the cops had to be called. It's not over yet: She's scheduled to appear in court today, although she may not show. [People, Gawker, TMZ, NYP]
• Olivia Palermo isn't making friends in her Tribeca apartment building. She strutted past the people gathered in the lobby last Thursday "completely oblivious" to the fact that one of the building's apartments was on fire. [P6]
• Gwyneth Paltrow and her trainer Tracy Anderson are having trouble finding people to pay $4,500 to join their new Tribeca gym. What a surprise. [P6]

• Is AIG officially the most despised company in America? Following the disclosure over the weekend that execs planned to go ahead with $165 million in bonuses to top execs comes word that a good deal of the billions in bailout money it received went to banks like Goldman Sachs ($12.9 billion), Merrill Lynch ($6.8 billion), and Bank of America ($5.2 billion). [BN, NYT, WSJ]
• Larry Summers: "There are a lot of terrible things that have happened in the last 18 months, but what's happened at AIG is the most outrageous." [BN]
• UBS plans to cut another 5,000 jobs. [Reuters]

Oh look, it's that nutty Berkeley chef Alice Waters, telling 60 Minutes we should all eat non-poisoned food. Doesn't she know organic produce is a "luxury," in Lesley Stahl's words? It's a recession!

We were drawn in by New York's new article, "This Old Sperm: Do Cougars Have the Smartest Kids." Who would have thought it was lamentation against sensationalistic science journalism?

Ron Insana left CNBC three years ago to run a hedge fund. Like Lou Dobbs and Steven Rattner before him, he learned that actually succeeding in business is not as easy as covering success in business. So now he's begged a part-time reporting job from his old bosses. At least he'll be able to share his Wall-Street-insider wisdom with viewers. Just like Jim Cramer!