In your customary Monday media column: Another paper goes online-only, new magazines magically appear, a plagiarism scandal rocks Ocala, and a nice happy WSJ memo:

Tim Geithner's plan for rescuing the financial sector isn't "seize the banks and feed their executives to wolves" so it's stupid and no one likes Geithner. The Nation has a great idea, though:

The Italian press is full of reports that the Catholic Church will boycott the sequel to The Da Vinci Code, which will fail spectacularly as the latest marginal cultural wars led by the new Pope.

If you're outraged about the current state of the economy and you need an outlet for your anger, you may want to catch a bus to Boston instead of taking one to visit the homes of AIG executives. Just a few of the names in the press these days who happen to be graduates of Harvard Business School: Former Merrill Lynch chiefs Stan O'Neal and John Thain, former treasury secretaries Bob Rubin and Hank Paulson, General Motors CEO Rick Wagoner, and Bernie Madoff enabler Ezra Merkin. [Clusterstock]

So much for those two new jets and a "state-of-the-art" airplane hanger in Westchester—for the time being, at least. A spokesman for JPMorgan Chase now says the bank has no plans to move forward with the deal as long as it is holding on to taxpayer money: "We will not purchase any replacement plane or make any related expenditure until after we have repaid TARP funds in full." [NYT/Dealbook]

[Submit your own Gawker Stalker sightings to stalker@gawker.com] March 23 @ 12pm I just saw Bono taking a walk through Central Park near the Great Lawn.

Did you hear about the financial crisis? Popular Canadian songsmith Neil Young did! Let us take a quick look at his reaction to this unprecedented economic situation: a song called "Cough Up the Bucks."

It really didn't look like David Paterson's approval ratings could get any worse when they hit an all-time low a few weeks back. But as usual Paterson has somehow managed to outdo himself. According to a new poll by the Siena Research Institute, his ratings have dropped another 10 percent in the past month alone, with only 14 percent of voters now saying they would be willing to vote for him in 2010 and only 29 percent giving him a "favorable" rating. Music to Andrew Cuomo's ears, no doubt. [Bloomberg, previously]

It's New York City's most vacuous feud, maybe! Chuckleworthy fauxcialites Adrien Field and Alexandra Alexis deny they placed a "ridiculously bombastic" internship ad. Is a rival self-worshiping socialgay out to get them [UPDATED]?

Given the utmost respect in which we hold writerly paragon of humility Plum Sykes, we would never characterize her as a creature capable of striking mortal fear into the heart of any man with the misfortune to behold her in the flesh. But as she herself volunteered at a Diane von Furstenberg cocktail party, being intimidating is a quality she's proud of: "If I want to use my femininity to get something from a man, I'll wear very high heels. Not to arouse him sexually. But I'm so tall—I'm 6ft 2in in heels—that it works a treat." Finally, the mystery of how she sells her writing: solved! [Times UK]

Yes, you can now purchase pillow cases with the names of various "iconic" couples printed on them. They'll run you $112.50, but if you're worried buying the "Lindsay and Sam" set for a friend will suggest you think they're in a really dysfunctional relationship, you may want to consider the "Barack and Michelle" cases instead. [Paper]

According to the birth certificate for M.I.A.'s son is named Ikhyd, not Ickitt.

The outrage beast is hungry, and ABC News is feeding it a new story: JPMorgan Chase officials are fighting hard to build a new, $18 million private-jet hangar in Westchester County.

Chinese ad people haven't gotten the hang of the sexy English slogans yet, but they're world class in 'Sex Metaphors for Hacks.'

• You can rest easier now: Now that he's no longer planning to run for Senate, Chris Matthews has signed a new four-year contract with MSNBC. [NYT]
• Howard Dean has signed on to be a CNBC contributor. [HP]
• Major media companies are now looking for a bailout. From Google. [AdAge]
• Jay Leno's chat with Obama was his fourth most-watched show ever. [LAT]
• Some perks may be curtailed at Condé Nast. Like the one that allowed Portfolio editor Joanne Lipman to fly to Davos first-class, possibly. [NYP]
• Advance Publications is instituting mandatory 10-day furloughs and a pension freeze at nearly all of its daily papers, says Steve Newhouse. [E&P]
• Time publisher Don Fries is headed out the door. [NYP]
• NBC is very good at spinning the Times, in case you haven't noticed. [CJR]
• Knowing starring Nic Cage was No. 1 at the box office this weekend. [NYDN]

De Beers thought that buying diamond jewelry would be a popular activity during this recession, but you know what? It isn't.

Opening Bell [Dealbreaker]
AIG starts makeover, changes sign at NY office [Reuters]

Politico is in the business of writing stories that Matt Drudge "NEEDS and WANTS" and that their reporters' mothers would read. Today they turned a couple of chuckles on 60 Minutes into a "developing..." story.

DC's annual "Gridiron Club Dinner" is pretty much just like the White House Correspondents Assocation Dinner, except it's White Tie. Barack Obama skipped it, god bless him.

Instead of wearing brand new outfits and saying to their husbands, "This old thing? You've seen it a million times," some women are doing the opposite: Savvy wives in need of some financial independence are charging expensive clothes to their husbands and then secretly selling them so they can pocket the cash, a time-honored strategy that was supposedly even utilized by Jackie O when she was married to Aristotle. Joan Lacey, a personal shopper to Wall Street wives, says: "I have one client who specifically buys Hermès Kelly or Birkin bags and the best furs [on her husband's store credit card] and then immediately takes the items—complete with tags—to Encore, where she sells them under her niece's account. And she's not the only one." Isn't it heartwarming to see that marriage remains a sacred institution founded on trust and eternal commitment, even during these scary times?