The methodology: Use a fine paintbrush to moisten the middle of your Manischevitz flatbread. Break it neatly in half. And slather it with Nutella.

• The Beatrice Inn will probably reopen next week. [P6]
• Emporio officially opens tomorrow, but it's taking walk-ins this eve. [TSB, GS]
• It looks like the end is near for Soho's Café Noir. [GS]
• Details on the latest unmarked bar, not that you're going to find it. [GS]
• Shake Shack's summer schedule has arrived. [Eater]

Michael Wolff's voicemail to CityFile is now a ringtone: "Be a man and call me."

Tetrahydrocannabinol has been demonstrated to induce human glioma cell death through stimulation of autophagy! That means that weed totally cures cancer. Dude.

Fancy real estate in Manhattan is taking a Cynthia Swann dive right now, with huge listings slashing millions of their asking prices. Here are five that are worth $49 million less than before.

Well, that's certainly obsessive and gross of this guy, but this is really how you have to do it. To prove that Christian values are a stupid lie you have to show the world what exactly teenage boys and girls are really fucking. I mean thinking, you know, about fucking. Temptation isn't just written in the Bible, it's written in our biology, and the way people wield sexuality in America makes me start thinking in terms of what parts of the Mall a public orgy protest could be held most comfortably.

This is just distasteful - and the fact that someone else is ransacking the digital archive of a teenager doesn't make it any less sleazy for you to link to it. Bristol's mom is a politician, but Bristol herself is an 18-year-old girl who has no say in what her mother does for a living or the stances she takes. Or is investigating the personal details of a politician's daughter okay as long as she's a Republican?

In your sad, macho Thursday media column: Boston Globe anger, broke-ass papers resign themselves to advertorial disgrace, media money evaporates, and let's all laugh at Politico:

Park Avenue Peerage was kind enough to upload an interview with Tinsley Mortimer from the March issue of Avenue magazine. And Tinsley was kind enough to shed a little light on her split—and subsequent reunion—with her husband, Topper:

Bow ties are so fetch, have you heard? Christina Binkley of the Wall Street Journal reports that everyone from David Beckham to the Jonas Brothers are wearing them.

The leading lights of the liberal blogosphere are up in arms because the lefty organizations whose agendas they promote—Americans United for Change, the Democratic campaign committees, etc.—aren't coughing up ad dollars. So they're threatening them!

Did some CNBC staffer forget to take off their mic before heading to the bathroom? It certainly sounds like it! A clip of some live toilet-flushing on CNBC earlier today is below.

Having no money: it may cause stress! Insightful insights like this from scientific experts are just one of the recession's silver linings. (Linings now made of lower-cost aluminum).

The Tribeca Film Festival is only two weeks away, which means Robert De Niro's Greenwich Hotel must already be fully booked with attendees paying top dollar to stay around the corner, right? Not so much. It turns out plenty of rooms are available, according to the folks over at Hotel Chatter, who found run-of-the-mill rooms going for just $475 a night. Of course, if you've been following the hotel over the past few months, it's likely you saw this coming. [Hotel Chatter]

What gay activists say when they hope no one's listening: Winning same-sex marriage rights is just a matter of waiting for old people to die. Here's a map of which states will go gay next.

OK. Let's just get it out of the way: Didn't see that one coming! OK. That's over. Now, let's go on and discuss the elimination of Scott and hopefully not make any more terrible jokes.

Michelle Bernard, MSNBC's right-wing pundit, is married to CNN's Joe John's. But as wowOwow's Andrew Belonsky learned rather awkwardly in an interview, they are currently separated. Also: Johns gets some seriously racist e-mail.

A crippling recession that's forced thousands of people into tent cities, eating dog food, is no reason to penalize our nation's dogs. So brave Americans are buying more gratuitous dog things than ever!

A vice president in the AP's Chicago office sent WTNQ, a member of the AP, a cease-and-desist letter asking them to stop posting the AP's YouTube videos on its website. Frank Strovel, an employee at the AP-affiliated station, raised a fuss on Twitter, the world's best medium for complaints. That won him an interview with blogger Christian Grantham. Strovel explained that he called the AP executive who had sent the letter, a vice president of affiliate relations, and discovered he was unaware that the AP even had a YouTube channel.

• The LA Times ran an ad designed to look like an actual news story on the front page of the paper today. Much criticism has followed, obvs. [ATD, E&P]
• The NYT is asking its reporters to come up with cost-cutting ideas. [NYO]
• A Chicago-based Good Morning America staffer was given the boot after he tried to put his nose job on his corporate credit card. [P6]
• The acquisition of the Wall Street Journal was a giant misstep for News Corp., but Fox News is making Rupert Murdoch some money. [Reuters]
• Cablevision's Jim Dolan earned a $12.5 million pay package last year. [AP]
• Time Warner's Jeff Bewkes raked in $19.9 million in 2008. [MC]
• The 15 top moneymakers on primetime television. [Forbes]
• Barely-living Blackbook is now refusing to pay some freelancers. [Jossip]