Time's Mark Halperin says Obama is "dominating," and has come up with a patented list of "16 Reasons Why Barack Obama Is Exceptionally Good At His Job." Here's one: He doesn't listen to Mark Halperin.

The Chicago Tribune is bankrupt and will lay off 20 percent of its staff on Wednesday. So how is it going to survive? By making its reporters rewrite items from gossip blogs!

I mean can you believe the nerve of this fuckin' guy, coming on CNBC and saying amateurs should follow a proven successful passive investment strategy and shouldn't try to time the market according to the rantings of a man whose stock picks have a losing record? The nerve of this fuckin' guy. Shove your "index funds" up your tight ass!

A monument commemorating slain civil rights leader Martin Luther King Jr. will be built on the National Mall this year. King's children are gouging the private foundation that is building it for nearly $1 million.

How could one possibly make Twitter even more of an exercise in self-absorption? How about by broadcasting yourself on national TV while using Twitter? Oprah's big Twitter show is on right now and we're watching.

The 30 Best Kanye West Blingees. [BWE via goldenfidlr via Idolator]

Cary Tennis: "I like to try new things. It means that often I do not finish old things. I have another thing wrong with me, too. Sometimes I don't like to try new things." What?

[Submit your own Gawker Stalker sightings to stalker@gawker.com] April 17 @ 1:30pm At The Spotted Pig. I think they let her cook or something.

The advent of Oprah has not changed the inanity of Twitter. Today, Bonnie Fuller met someone supercute, Karen Tumulty landed in the wrong spot, and Alex Blagg recommended meth!

We hear rumors that XXL magazine executive publisher Jonathan Rheingold resigned abruptly last night.
UPDATE: A press release just went out confirming this:

Finally, some intrepid journalists have infiltrated the Somali pirates'...dusty hangout area, with video cameras! 20/20 pals around with pirates tonight, on television. Watch this clip of America's new enemy, with guns, on a little boat!

This was bound to happen sooner or later. It seems Nigerian scam artists are now sending out emails in Ruth Madoff's name, claiming that there's $93 million sitting in a secret bank account somewhere, and she desperately needs help getting the money out. Please reply most urgently and treat with absolute confidentiality and sincerity! [Clusterstock]

Sarah Palin, who is an idiot and therefore just doesn't get it, proudly told a pro-life conference that she considered an abortion before choosing to have Trig.

Times internet family columnist Judith Warner has determined that when kids call other kids "gay" or "fag" they are actually enforcing outdated codes of masculinity, not actually accusing that kid of being a homosexual.

The Terrace Diner in Bayside, Queens earned high marks from the Queens Gazette last year for its "open, airy atmosphere" and "wide, comfortable booths and tables." It's safe to say, though, that Dr. Arnold Sheff won't be going back there any time soon. The retired physician says he was regular at the restaurant until one morning last October, when he complained about the service to another customer, which prompted the waiter serving him to retaliate by publicly announcing to everyone in the diner what you see highlighted above. Naturally, Sheff has since suffered severe embarrassment, mental anguish, and extreme emotional distress as a result, and is now suing everyone involved. Provided you're not eating and browsing the Web at the same time, you can read the full complaint after the jump.

Former Estée Lauder CEO William Lauder fathered a child with New York socialite Taylor Stein. While "Dancing Bear" cooed at the baby via email, he wanted to keep his illegitimate daughter secret from his mother.

Now this is a useful website: HowToNailAnInterview.com. Some guys with secret cameras taped dozens of people interviewing for a job, and culled the wisdom for you. Example: don't reveal that your husband's a Sasquatch hunter.

Wall Street has closed up for six weeks in a row now, the first time this has happened since 2007. And you thought Jim Cramer was kidding. [NYT]

Jeff Zucker's division made about half as much money last quarter as it did the year before. So to judge by the upward-failure arc of his career, he'll be running GE in about three weeks.

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