Vice co-founder Gavin McInnes is still doing edgy things, like getting knocked out cold in a backyard boxing match. Hey, boxing is hard. Don't judge; just enjoy. Gavin: headgear, buddy. Headgear. [StreetCarnage]

Virginia Foxx is decent church-goin' woman with a mean, pinched, bitter evil face and she is the GOP's parliamentary superstar, handling the Rules Committee and the familes of hate crimes victims with the same grace.

Amazon.com CEO Jeff Bezos unveiled the Kindle DX, a large-screen e-reader, today at the site of the New York Times's former headquarters in Lower Manhattan. The message: He's the future and newspapers are the past.

Last night at the Four Seasons there was a roast for its owners, restaurateurs Julian Niccolini and Alex von Bidder. It ended with PR demon Peggy Siegal calling Nora Ephron's son "a horrible person." Fun!:

• Walt Disney reported that profits plunged 46% last quarter. [Variety, WSJ]
• Mort Zuckerman's plan to save newspapers involves bingo. Really! [NYM]
• The New York Times Co. has reached a deal with the unions at the Boston Globe, although it may take a few weeks to vote on the compromise. [E&P]
• NBC's Washington headquarters is contaminated with asbestos! [NYO]
• Tricky Dylan Ratigan isn't joining ABC after all. He's going to MSNBC. [Gawker]
• Michael Wolff may hate the New York Times, but if it weren't for the Times, he'd probably have nothing to rant about on his unknown website. [HP]
• Amazon unveiled its fancy, new Kindle reader today. [NYT, E&P]

Your beloved recapper Richard Lawson was in Paris for the finale of the Real Housewives of New York City which aired last night. I, Joshua David Stein am filling, the best I can, that void.

The Way We Live Now: In a horn of plenty. Jobs are easy. They're hiring everywhere! Did you know that? No? Well it's true, the numbers prove it! Get off your ass and work:

There weren't too many shiny, happy people at Sotheby's last night as the auction house kicked off the spring season with works by Picasso, Giacometti, and Mondrian. Six months ago, back when it was already clear that the economy was headed downhill in a hurry, Sotheby's big seasonal auction had managed to offload $223 million worth of art. This year? The final tally for the 36 works that went under Tobias Meyer's hammer didn't even come close to Sotheby's already-low estimate, bringing in just $61.3 million. (Sotheby's had been hoping for $81.5 million). And some of the people most interested in getting high-priced art off their hands in a hurry—victims of Bernie Madoff, of course—walked away disappointed.

Michelle Obama filmed a Sesame Street appearance yesterday, and, as any good American would be, she was delighted. Apparently it was even more fun than meeting some ancient English broad!

Rihanna shopping in Soho, and later standing under an umbrella outside Bar 89 on Mercer Street ... Chloe Sevigny carrying a bunch of shopping bags downtown ... Kate Bosworth walking with James Rousseau on the Lower East Side ... Venus Williams getting in a taxi outside of Whole Foods ... Chace Crawford hanging out on the set of Twelve with Emma Roberts ... Chanel Iman talking on her cell phone ... Kim Kardashian walking into the Gramercy Park Hotel ... Bethenny Frankel heading into a book signing at the Time Warner Center ... Jessica Biel walking downtown ... and Victoria Beckham going shopping in Chelsea.

Bernie Madoff was "irresistible to women." Really? Yes, his secretary says! See Bernie: you were mean to your secretary and now she's telling Vanity Fair all about your happy ending(?) massages. Always happens.

May 6th @ 8am I saw Robert Downey Jr. walking his cute little Jack Russell. [Submit your own Gawker Stalker sightings to stalker@gawker.com]

ABC News investigative reporter Brian Ross got suckered into a 2007 story about the effectiveness of waterboarding, that turned out to be false. ABC's newest defense sounds just like...Dick Cheney, defending waterboarding:

Has her being stuck between her insane mother and the vindictive family of her ex made you feel sympathetic toward Bristol Palin? Well, this morning she went on the TV to help with that.

Cityfile: "So now that your sales are up—27 percent in the first quarter, you report—does this mean you'll be saving struggling media companies by buying airtime and running this commercial on cable?"
Nick Denton: "Funny what happens when a blog company tries to tell its own story. What does it use? Not the blog post, but video."

A Michael Bloomberg appointee wrote one little essay for the Huffington Post about how Beverly Hills Chihuahua was the only good thing about dirty-ass Mexico, and now she's been forced to resign. Fuckin' Mexicans, amirite?

Alexandra Lebenthal has scored a book deal, according to Publishers Marketplace: "New York Social Diary contributing editor, CEO of wealth management firm Lebenthal & Company, and active figure on the NY social scene, Alexandra Lebenthal's debut novel, telling the story of four Manhattan socialites whose perfect Upper East Side lives get turned upside down when the economic collapse wreaks havoc on their pampered existences, to Karen Kosztolnyik at Grand Central, by Richard Curtis of Richard Curtis Associates (World)."

The Journal reports that Barneys plans to close two of its seven stores as it tries to stay afloat. One outpost that is definitely going to disappear: the splashy store it opened in Las Vegas last year. And the other? "The location of the other store to be closed couldn't be immediately determined." We're going to guess that it won't be the flagship on Madison Avenue, but you may want to say a prayer or two today just in case. [WSJ]

Today in human frailty: an Oscar winner wooing a publicist, an actress screaming for coke, a TV personality who tried to kill herself, and a fading celeb who can't get invited to the cool parties:

Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Time magazine celebrated the release of its "100 most influential" list last night, a gathering that attracted plenty of rich finance-y types a year ago, back when saying you worked at a hedge fund or investment bank didn't have the reputational value of saying you spent your day repossessing cars or running a funeral home. The financial meltdown translated into a slightly different guest list and seating plan this time around, not surprisingly. Hedge fund billionaire Steve Cohen, who graciously stood on the red carpet last year and even permitted a photographer to take his picture (not that he smiled or anything), wasn't even invited. And while billionaire financier Steve Schwarzman did make the invite list—and turned out for the ceremony—he probably should have just stayed at home.