Has her being stuck between her insane mother and the vindictive family of her ex made you feel sympathetic toward Bristol Palin? Well, this morning she went on the TV to help with that.

Bristol appeared on Good Morning America to polish her scarlet letter and to explain, at the behest of whomever, that while abstinence did not work for her, because, you know, she wanted to have sex with Levi Johnston (and who wouldn't!), it is the only option for you and your child. If she had to do it all over again, what would she do? Not do it all over again. She would wait ten years to have sex. Or, she'd wait ten years to have baby Tripp, but she doesn't ever mention those crazy "condom" or "birth control" options so we're forced to conclude that she thinks she'd hold off on doing it until she was almost 30.


Bristol is the "Teen Ambassador" for some group that plans to prevent teen pregnancy by reminding them that having a baby isn't really so bad, you get to have sex and lots of attention and you get to be on TV and your parents will love and support you. The group, "Candie's Foundation," at least mentions contraception on its website, but on the whole they seem to be trying the same fetishization of virginity and motherhood thing that has worked so well over the last decade. Shouldn't the ambassador for preventing teen pregnancy be either some girl who successfully made it through her teenage years without a baby or, alternatively, some poor pregnant girl from a broke-ass family who can't afford fucking diapers?

So the old Bristol's occasional lapses into reality-based statements—like, abstintence "is not realistic"—are mostly gone, replaced by the creepy, watchful presence of Todd Palin reminding her, and us, of the party line: wait!!!!

Meanwhile her old boyfriend Levi was on trashier, low-rent CBS to give his side of the story.
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But at the same time, you know, abstinence is a great idea, but I also think that you need to enforce, you know, condoms and birth control and other things like that to have safe sex. I don't just think telling young kids, you can't have sex, it's just — it's not going to work. It's not realistic.

Look, when some dumb mook's method of waging a publicity war against his ex's family is to actually make the first reasonable, realistic, and responsible statement on teenage sex of this entire shitshow, well, it says something about America.