In the good old days of the culture wars, your teenagers, after years of being raped by Satanist daycare workers, were all organizing "Rainbow Parties" and smoking weed three times more powerful than the stuff you smoked all the time in high school. Now they are just hugging?

May 27 @ 7pm Saw Blake & Justin on the pier off of West Village, both smiling and looked to be in deep conversation. What happened to Dan S? [Submit your own Gawker Stalker sightings to stalker@gawker.com]

TV shows are being cast all over the place because, even though it's only May, fall is just around the corner. Plus, Tom Cruise joins a movie and Adam Brody joins another.

It seems the CIA is looking for unemployed investment bankers and hedge fund managers to put their "intelligence" to work for the good of the nation and track down a few terrorists. Want more info? "Private interviews are set for June 22 at a secret Manhattan location. Don't call, the CIA says, just e-mail your information." The email address to submit your resume isn't listed in the Post article, unfortunately. Presumably you try applying using the CIA's online resume submission form. Although if you're going to be expected to nab a bunch of cunning members of Al Qaeda—and save us all from harm in the process—you should probably be able to dig up an email address, shouldn't you? [NYP]

The CIA is looking to hire a few good former hedge funders and investment bankers to put their "skills" to use on behalf of the USA. But could I-bankers really stand the rigors of the CIA lifestyle? Let's compare:

We were born 100 years too late. In the Times' "TimesMachine," you can read about the glorious life you might have been living in 1909, when, on this day, the paper featured a Senator's attack on a Times reporter and the election of President Taft's son into Skull and Bones.

• Rihanna is close to signing an $18,000-a-month lease for a penthouse at 92 Greene Street. Originally listed at $22,000 a month, the 2,300-square-foot pad comes with three bedrooms, three bathrooms, a sitting room, and a 500-square-foot terrace. [NYP, PDE]
• If our tour of disgraced lawyer Marc Dreier's One Beacon Court pad a couple of months ago happend to tickle your fancy, be advised it goes up for auction on July 21 at 1pm. [Maltz Auctions via Curbed]
• A full-floor apartment at the former Stanhope Hotel at 995 Fifth Avenue has sold for $17 million, down a stunning 45 percent from the original asking price of $31 million. [Real Deal]

[The actress and her husband Keith Urban leaving the Broadway show "God of Carnage" last night; image via Splash]

Today we have a Broadway star who woos ladies with indecent pictures, a rock and roll grrl who likes 'em younger and female, a bitchy hat-wearing actress (we all know who she is), and a drugged-out British model.

As expected, Time Warner CEO Jeff Bewkes announced this morning that it plans to spin off AOL, a move that puts the final nail in the coffin of one of the most disastrous mergers in history. But if the mechanics of the deal strike you a little too complicated, The Times Bits blog has outlined it in easy-to-understand celebrity tabloid terms:

Vice Magazine is trying to be the coolest magazine in the world and, simultaneously, the biggest bunch of sellouts ever to walk the streets of Williamsburg, in an effort to see if it's actually possible to bend over backwards far enough to give a blowjob to oneself.

Chace Crawford has a new swimsuit model love interest, Susan Boyle freaks out in a fit of rage on strangers and cops in London, Jon and Kate are manipulating their kids, Rihanna will get virtually naked in a new Kanye video, and Anna Wintour wants to be ambassador to Britain.

New York's 107th mayor—and the most famous drag queen in the city's history—is officially a senior citizen. It's Rudy Giuliani's 65th birthday today. Others celebrating: Brooklyn DA Charles Hynes is turning 74. View co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck is 32. Gladys Knight is turning 65. Kylie Minogue is 41. Mark Sanford, the Governor of South Carolina, is turning 49. And singer John Fogerty (Creedence Clearwater Revival) is 64 today.

• A recent Elle photoshoot with Britney Spears turned out to be a bit messier than expected. [P6]
• A photographer has filed suit against Chris Brown. He's claiming the singer's bodyguards beat him up when he tried to take pics of Brown in March. [Us]
• Is Anthony Weiner engaged to Huma Abedin? [P6]
• Jay-Z is supposedly in talks with Lyor Cohen to set up a new record label at Warner Music. [NYDN]
• Chace Crawford may be having a fling with 19-year-old Sports Illustrated swimsuit model Esti Ginzburg. [P6]
• Jane Fonda knows how to travel. She pretends she's injured so she can cruise through security in a wheelchair, apparently. [NYDN]
• Get ready: Prince Harry arrives in NYC tomorrow. [NYDN]

"Citigroup Chief Executive Officer Vikram Pandit weathered almost six hours of grilling from shareholders at the bank’s annual meeting on April 21. He had a lot of explaining to do: The company lost $27.7 billion in 2008 and stayed afloat only with help from a $45 billion government bailout. Even as his bank was floundering, Pandit in 2008 earned $38 million in salary and stock, No. 3 among the best-paid CEOs of the top 50 U.S.-based financial companies, according to data compiled by Bloomberg. In February, Pandit told a congressional committee that, starting in 2009, he would take just $1 in annual salary until the bank is profitable again. 'I get the new reality,' he said." Clearly! [Bloomberg]

• Famed hedge fund manager Art Samberg has announced plans to shut down his firm, Pequot Capital Management, after an investigation into possible insider trading at the firm was revived. [NYT, WSJ]
• One person sweating bullets about Pequot's collapse: Morgan Stanley CEO John Mack, who was tied to the mess when it first surfaced in '06. [BI]
• Citigroup is negotiating with the SEC to settle claims it misled investors by not disclosing the extent of its troubled portfolio of mortgage assets. [WSJ]
• Top Obama officials are pushing to create a "banking czar" job. [WSJ]
• The government program designed to help banks get rid of the bad loans on their books "is stalling and may soon be put on hold." [WSJ]

Barack Obama's reflection appears over his shoulder as he speaks at a Democratic fundraiser at the Beverly Hilton Hotel in Los Angeles last night. (AP Photo/Charles Dharapak)

A new report says that unreleased photos of abuse by the U.S. military, the same photos Barack Obama refused to release a few weeks ago, contain graphic images of rape, torture and sexual abuse perpetrated by American soldiers.

Despite being the son of an English professor, maniacal all-caps blogger Kanye West claims he's a "proud non-reader," though he's co-written a book of "Kanye-isms" that he thinks you should totally read. It's 52 pages long, some of which are completely blank!