Carol Bartz is on a rampage. First the Yahoo CEO delivered a "fuck you" to Kara Swisher of All Things Digital. At least that half-joking rebuke was somewhat cordial; today Bartz cut off CNBC's Jim Goldman with an icy "excuse me" at the start of an on-air smackdown.

The Times has tackled the perils of texting on two occasions this week. (See here and here.) Teenagers are so determined to communicate with their peers, they're going without sleep to do it! They're texting in the middle of class and now their grades are dropping! Millions of teenage thumbs are now in need of medical attention! It's "texting anarchy," reports Cindy Post Senning, Emily Post's great-granddaughter. But aren't there times when texting is okay? "What about if they are stuck sitting at a table with a bunch of strangers at a wedding dinner or charity event, and the person on the other end is their spouse, who is being hijacked by Jihadists, and possibly sending their last goodbyes?" Every once in awhile, there are some shades of gray! [The Feedbag]

Roxana Saberi, the Iranian-American freelance journalist who was freed this month after being (bizarrely) sentenced to eight years in prison in Iran for "spying," gave her first real interview today, to NPR. Her ordeal sounds even worse than you might have imagined:

So say statistics, anyway! Gayblog TheSword recently compiled some Craigslist data, and figured out that when men are looking online to do sex with other men, certain cities trend heavily toward the receiving end. Chief among them is Houston—where 70% of folks are looking to fill the void.

On The View today the crones were talking to out gay person David Hyde Pierce, and he mentioned that he never gets to do love scenes. Generously, Whoopi said she'd do one with ol' Niles. Then, perhaps finally sensing her opportunity, ringleader Barbara Walters made a pass at Ms. Goldberg.

Remember Stephen Dent, the DuPont heir who used the website SeekingArrangement.com to meet young women for sex, but ended up becoming the victim of three different extortion attempts? A couple involved in one of the plots, Christopher and Dawn Jessop, pleaded guilty in a Connecticut courtroom yesterday. The husband was sentenced to 18 months in jail; his wife received three years of probation. And hopefully Dent has found more useful (and less dangerous) ways to spend his free time. [NYM]

The Way We Live Now: Chewing the cud of resentment. The New York Times has assigned all of its reporters to ferret out and write up the most awkward and awful examples of opulence, as if they were news. Hey I wonder if Per Se's kitchen is nice, still?

Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor helped crush the dreams of a teenage girl last year by joining in a ruling that let a school punish a student for calling its superintendent a "douche bag" on her blog.

Oh, good, Morgan Stanley just hired a financial analyst who had to quit the NFL two years ago because he'd had too many concussions to continue playing. Wayne Chrebet, welcome to the Moldaver Group wealth-management team!

The 21st century dawned with news that two media megaliths, AOL and Time Warner, were to merge. Critics howled that the vast tentacles of a combined AOL-TW would subsume us all. Today, Time Warner confirmed it's spinning off AOL, ending a business saga that defined whatever you're calling the 2000s.

• Say it ain't so, Sue: WNBC may be planning to drop the 5 o'clock newscast, Live at Five, in favor of a "lifestyle show" of some sort. [NYO]
• Richard Branson does not want to buy Playboy. Sorry, Hugh. [Reuters]
• NBC ratings hit a new low last week. [AP/HuffPo]
• Naturally, NBC Universal chief Jeff Zucker painted a much rosier picture when he appeared on stage at the D7 conference yesterday. [ATD]
• Were you aware that some magazines Photoshop their pics? It's true! [NYT]
• If MGM doesn't come up with some cash quick, it could go bankrupt. [THR]
• Page Six's Paula Froelich took time from promoting her new novel, Mercury in Retrograde, to kick Michael Wolff's ass across the room. [BlackBook]

A tipster passed along something we didn't know: Noted Scientologist Greta van Susteren's sister is a psychiatrist. Or, as Greta's religion would have it, a practitioner of the "industry of death," a "fraud," a drug-peddler, and a "rapist." We asked her what she thought of her sister's curious views.

High-end fashion houses selling the most unnecessary of luxury products at outrageous prices: might the collapse of the global economy give them some troubles? Yes, it turns out. Bad troubles.

The Susan Boyle fame narrative continues as expected. Reports came in last night that Scottish songbird, currently vying for the Britain's Got Talent crown, is crumbling under the pressure, causing her to lash out at fans. Like any good singer, she's following all the notes of insta-fame to a T.

Oh, good, Today covered the teenage hug menace. "High school hugging has turned into a cultural phenomenon, studied by sociologists, and written about in The New York Times." A phenomenon studied by bullshit pseudo-scientists and written up as a trend in the Times? Hugs are the new hipster farms!

Claude Wasserstein, the ex-wife of billionaire financier Bruce Wasserstein, resides in a $34 million duplex on Fifth Avenue. But that doesn't mean she wouldn't be willing to drop off four mini-cheeseburgers for you to eat for dinner tonight for $12. Wasserstein has teamed up with three other women—Susie Cover, Marcia Mishaan, and Samantha Schlumberger—to launch a food delivery service called Susie's Supper Club, which promises to "give New York City families an alternative to standard take-out and delivery options." Like the dozen or so other companies that deliver freshly-cooked meals that you need to pop in the microwave for a few minutes before you pass off as your own cooking, customers get to pick and choose items from an online menu. Unlike other services, these dishes are prepared by a chef skilled enough to have once worked as personal chef to the Wasserstein family. Chew on that, ZoneChefs. The full press release is below.

Horndog scientists are studying sexual sex fantasies of men and women and they've come to some startling conclusions: We all want to be dominated like dirty animals. But only if you want us for our sexiness!

Pharmaceutical giant Pfizer raised $10 billion with a big bond sale in the UK on Tuesday. Closer to home, it's looking to raise $64.75 million by selling off two of its Gulfstream jets. The world's largest drugmaker has put a Gulfstream V up for sale for $29.25 million; the company is also looking for someone to take possession of an even fancier Gulfstream 550 for $35.5 million. It's unclear when the planes were put up for sale exactly, although both were reduced in price recently. And while there's no indication if Pfizer chief Jeff Kindler would be willing to negotiate a little package deal, if your company is flush with cash and your logo is blue, you'll save a small fortune by not having to repaint them. (They come in matching shades of Pfizer—Viagra—blue, naturally.) Click on the photo above to see the planes that millions of impotent men around the world so generously paid for.

Press Secretary Robert Gibbs can't stop laughing!

Should you, the Average Joe Schmoe Loser Nobody "Little Person," be allowed to see all the dirty details of a rich, famous person's divorce? Rich, famous people do not think that you should, surprisingly!