Our thoughts exactly: "[Hillary Clinton] professes to be amused, if baffled, by a recent column on the blog Daily Beast in which Tina Brown wrote, 'It's time for Barack Obama to let Hillary Clinton take off her burqa.'" [NYT]

[That's Drew Barrymore in New York with Justin Long, who is dressed like a character in an 80s-era Stan Goldberg-drawn Archie comic; image via INF]

Today we have a lucky actress who got to get it in with a "geeky dreamboat," a poor girl going on a terrible eating bender, some weird thing about a TV show, and an Emmy monster.

Richard Gasquet is a professional tennis player who was suspended in May after testing positive for cocaine. But now he's been reinstated, thanks to one of the most thrilling Positive Drug Test Excuses of the 2009 season!

Kim Cattrall standing in front of Le Bilboquet on East 63rd Street .... Jessica Alba going to dinner at the Waverly Inn ... Jennifer Lopez on the set of her new movie, The Back-Up Plan ... Stephanie Pratt shopping in SoHo ... Bruce Willis watching Paul McCartney's concert at the Ed Sullivan Theater with wife Emma Hemming ... Chloe Sevigny walking on Central Park West ... Jesse Jackson on Fifth and 48th ... Drew Barrymore leaving her trailer on the set of her new movie ... Pierce Brosnan standing on the set of Remember Me in Brooklyn ... and Edie Falco getting out of a car.

• Lee Neibart, a partner at Apollo Real Estate Advisors, and his wife Joyce, have closed on the sale of their 16th-floor apartment at 15 Central Park West, which they went into contract to sell back in May. The three-bedroom condo sold to a company called J & K Park Properties for $7.5 million, or $500,000 more than what the couple paid for apartment in January. [Cityfile]
• Real estate heiress Melissa Kushner—she's the daughter of Murray Kushner, niece of Charles Kushner, and Jared Kushner's first cousin—has paid $2.225 million for a three-bedroom condo at 534 Hudson Street with her husband, Jeremy Kaplan. [Cityfile]

Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler are probably boning, Mischa Barton has a serious "medical issue," Jon Gosselin's new lady is a walking white-trash stereotype, The Hoff parties with Lady Gaga, Madonna has "bingo wings" and Robert Redford gets married.

Will Ferrell turns 42 today. Actress Phoebe Cates is turning 46. Playwright Tony Kushner is 53. Violinist Pinchas Zuckerman is 61. Stewart Copeland, the drummer from The Police, is turning 57. Former U.S. attorney general Dick Thornburgh is 77. Doug Herzog, the TV executive who oversees Comedy Central and Spike, turns 50. WABC weatherman Bill Evans is turning 49. Author Michael Gross is 57. Pharmaceutical mogul Michael Jaharis turns 81. François Payard is 43. 90210's AnnaLynne McCord is 22. Former teen star Corey Feldman turns 38. And Ugly Betty's Mark Indelicato celebrates his 15th birthday today.

• The police were called to Mischa Barton's home yesterday and she was escorted out of the house so she could be treated for some sort of "medical issue." Her condition hasn't been disclosed yet, but we're going to go ahead and assume it wasn't a case of seasonal allergies. [Sun]
• Bethenny Frankel may be giving up her spot on the Real Housewives next season so she can star in a Bravo show of her own. Neither Frankel and Bravo were willing to confirm the news, though, so we're going to keep our fingers crossed and hope this is just a crazy rumor that has no basis in reality, okay? [P6]
• Kim Kardashian almost got stranded in Africa when she couldn't locate her passport. The operative word there is "almost": Sadly, boyfriend Reggie Bush found it a few minutes later, so she was able to return to the U.S. [People]

Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince opened on 3,003 screens nationwide at midnight and hauled in $22.2 million, shattering the previous midnight screening record of $18.5 million set by The Dark Knight. [LA Times]

The United States. Home to levels of fat-assery unprecedented in human history. It's a trend that doesn't seem to be waning anytime soon. In fact, a new movement is afoot to counter the fat-haters called "fat acceptance."

You may recall a few weeks ago that Dave Eggers promised to email anyone who needed reassurance that print wasn't dying. He even emailed Gawker! In a Q & A with Salon, Eggers insists that America's children are print's savior.

America's infamous capricious sprite, Sarah Palin, is still out there "advancing in another direction." Today she saw a bear, a transformative experience which inspired her leviathan intellect to ponder the lessons she learned from it, lessons she shared on Twitter.

Question: How can the children be the future of America when they, the children, yearn to be naked, and their liberal, Obama-loving parents allow them to run around with their little wee-wees and va-jay-jays hanging out all over the place?

Jim Spanfeller, the CEO of Forbes.com and the man largely credited with turning the magazine's website into dominant source for financial news on the web, is stepping down at the end of the summer.

The way Newsweek employees get fired now: Shamelessly and publicly, via mass emails from their boss singing the praises of their incoming replacements while encouraging their co-workers to wish their shit-canned asses "bon chance" on the way out the door.

Ha! Apparently word has spread like wildfire through the nation's "heroin-addicted hobo" community about the Mad Max-esque, post-apocalyptic wasteland that is Williamsburg, Brooklyn, because they're descending upon the hipster utopia in droves to squat in the neighborhood's abandoned developments.

It's time once again for the commenter live blog where everyone is stellar. Here, all Sneetches — star-bellied or otherwise — are welcome to join in and post glib, bitchy quips about Top Chef Masters.

A PhD biological anthropologist and professor at Rutgers University, Fisher is the best-selling author of five books on relationships and human sexuality, including Why We Love and Why Him? Why Her? She's a leading expert and researcher, dedicated to making sure people find love so we don't all end up alone.

After TechCrunch published hacker-obtained Twitter documents, people wondered whether publisher Mike Arrington would be spit on (again), arrested or ejected from an inner circle. The Twitterati were obsessed!