• Starbucks is testing out stealth coffeehouses. They're logo-less and feature "neighborhood-inspired names," though the coffee's the same. [ABC News]
• Chanterelle's Karen and David Waltuck say they're closing for a month for refresh. They'll reopen with a new, "intimate" bar and expanded menu. [GS]
• Hope you can make do without tomatoes in your salad: "A highly contagious fungus that destroys tomato plants" is spreading quickly. [NYT]
• Are you a model? Do you have an appetite? This spot's for you. [NYP]
• Kogi, the Korean taco truck that's the rage in LA, is not NYC-bound. [Eater]
• Tom Colicchio and wife Lori Silverbush say they're expecting a son. [People]

Got dayum you kids are sassy. But the drippiest, funkiest, sassiest zing of the week comes from momof3wildkids with this gem of an exchange on Shark! Shark! Shark!:

Earlier this week, we heard the Onion was in talks to sell to a large media company; now we're told there's some sort of announcement or internal meeting scheduled Monday in relation to the rumored buyout.

Remember when blogs were going to be fiercely independent firebrands who, purified of old media insidery stench, would pull no punches against traditional power structures? So much for that. Today's laptop media is shaping up to be nothing but lapdogs.

It's a sticky summer Friday, so two thirds of the Fox & Friends triumverate has left the city to go loiter outside the Bush compound in Kennebunkport. Meaning Steve Doocy is all alone! And his sub cohosts are... disasters.

[The lovely, talented, and independent Jennifer Aniston filming "The Bounty"; image via INF]

If you live near 72nd and Broadway, today is your lucky day: Jon Gosselin of Jon & Kate Plus 8 is your new neighbor. People reports that Gosselin just rented an apartment at the Alexandria at 201 West 72nd Street. This places him right above an Urban Outfitters, so he'll be able to shop for his eight kids and new girlfriend in one, conveniently, location. It also means if you live in the 'hood, you're going to see a big bunch of paparazzi photographers on your street from now on. Go across the street and buy them a hot dog at Gray's Papaya and make them feel welcome, won't you? [People]

And also they are breaking journalism, and America. That is what finance blogger Felix Salmon has concluded.

Glenn Beck went girly-ballistic on a radio caller Wednesday, mustering all the white rage he could to squeak out a high-pitched "Get off my phone!" Naturally, internet people made funny videos. Here's ours, and some of our favorites.

• Bad news for NBC Universal: second-quarter profits dropped by 41%. [MW]
• Good news for NBC News: Susan Boyle's first in-depth TV interview will take place with Meredith Vieira on the Today show next Wednesday. [NYT]
• Alpha Media, the company that owns Maxim (and used to own Blender and Stuff)—and which was sold to Steve Rattner's Quadrangle Group in 2007—has changed hands again: Steve Feinberg's Cerberus now runs the show. [NYP]
• Rumor has it Pamela Fiori may be leaving Town & Country. [P6]
• Bonnie Fuller is taking over Hollywood Life, the website controlled by Jay Penske, who owns Movieline and recently bought out Nikki Finke. [NYT]
• More Finke: Days after the LA Times ran an article on Hollywood's most powerful blogger comes pretty much the same piece in the NY Times. [NYT]
• All that bad press for CNBC a few months ago must have refocused the network on the things that matter, right? Nope. [Gawker, Zero Hedge]

Jon Gosselin has finally settled on a place in New York! After considering a Trump building, the divorcing reality star has opted for The Alexandria, on 72nd between Broadway and West End. Two bedroom place = twice the ladies!

The folks at Curbed bring word that a makeshift memorial has appeared outside the LES studio of Dash Snow, the downtown artist who died of an overdose earlier this week. But be warned! "Given the materials he was known to work with, we wouldn't get too close to this tribute." [Curbed]

It's an open secret that Perez Hilton can't be bothered to blog all day long anymore. But for some reason he's never copped to using ghost writers. Until now.

Awww, gross again. After getting the simply nauseating news that real estate heirs Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner are getting hitched, now we have to hear even more about it. The future Mrs. Kushner went and blabbed to Daily Intel.

David Malakoff, the former NPR editor and reporter who pleaded guilty to possessing child pornography, has been let off without prison time by a federal judge. Bill O'Reilly, call your office.

Jared Kushner learns quick. And he's going to blend into the Trump family just fine. WWD reports today that the engagement ring he gave Ivanka was from Ivanka's own collection, a 5.22 cushion cut diamond that's "proprietary" to Ivanka Trump Fine Jewelry™. Ivanka will now serve as a living, breathing ad for her engagement ring line (as well as benefit from the press attention that follows). And Jared—hopefully!—managed to knock a few bucks off the price thanks to this most personal connection. Most importantly:

Today's New York Times contains a lengthy Editor's Note explaining that Charles Siebert "unwittingly incorporated" language from an e-mail into his Times Magazine story last Sunday. Sounds familiar, right? Except when Maureen Dowd does it, it's no big deal.

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Here is a still from the actor's upcoming film Prince of Persia, which is based on an old computer game. Not much to say here other than hey, here is a ridiculous thing. Reese, any comments? [via EW]