Peters, who never saw combat, knows from his rich experience writing foreign policy fanfic that this American soldier is a liar and a deserter. Fox News just openly hates America, and the troops, and they should all be charged with treason.

The economy may wax and wane, but overheated tech rhetoric lives forever. Today's how news: The internet apps for Apple's internet phone will soon be bigger than the internet. What?

This afternoon, President Obama will meet with Thomas Monson, head of the Mormon Church. They will talk about family history. They will probably not talk about when the Mormons baptized Obama's dead mother. [CBS]

National Journal has announced the development of 3121, a social network "exclusively for congressional members and staff." Because Congress is just too in touch with its constituents, and Capitol Hill workers rarely socialize together! Of course, this will fail.

Look, it is a scandalously explicit blowjob-oriented advertisement for the Sprite beverage! But wait, Twitterererers: this is a spec ad. What's a spec ad? A sexy one.

Dancers, actors, sports stars, rock stars—all classic forms of hotness that will never go out of style. The folks at K-Swiss offer this video gallery of some of today's hottest hotnesses remastering the classics.

Who said jobs in the entertainment business are scarce these days? Bob Weinstein, Harvey Weinstein's slightly less volatile brother, is hiring a new assistant. And it sounds like a total blast: "This is a 24/7 job; you will be the only assistant to this executive. You must be available on nights and weekends, and expect to spend long hours in the office." [Gawker]

Sure, sure, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince raked in a gazillion dollars this weekend. But who are these people who went to Ice Age? Our guess: creationist parents who wanted their kids to watch a nature documentary.

In your muggy Monday media column: New bosses at Interview Magazine, CBS keeps Walter Cronkite around, the Ahwatukee Foothills News' reputation is tarnished by a faux chef, and Cody Willard sits at a bar.

[Penn Badgley taking a break to meet fans while filming "Gossip Girl" right near our HQ, on Prince Street; image via Splash]

Lots of people are looking to save a few bucks these days. One thing you probably should not do as you search for ways to trim your budget: Attempt to perform plastic surgery on yourself at home.

Henry Louis Gates, Jr., the Harvard professor, author, friend to Oprah, and chronicler and excavator of African American culture, was arrested for disorderly conduct Thursday at his home in Cambridge, Mass., according to the AP.

Forty years ago today, some guys landed on the moon and walked around, and there were thousands of money-making newspapers on hand to chronicle it. They used words like "spacemen" and drew nifty mod-looking illustrations. Here's a front-page gallery.

On this, the 40th Anniversary of the day Mankind conquered the moon, it is time to issue another clarion call for this generation: fuck Mars, let's focus our attention here, for now.

Downtown den of sin "burlesque club" The Box got a bad rep for supposedly being dirty and oversexed and drug-strewn, but isn't that the point? Well, that point may be moot. Anonymous internet sources say The Box has problems!

The U.S. Navy and a giant defense contractor are asking mom and dad for money to build an ultra-wicked laser death ray, because otherwise it's impossible to stop pirate ships. At last, the historic invincibility of pirate ships is over!

Us Weekly editor Janice Min is reportedly considering quitting her job when her contract's up in two weeks. And why not? She's made her millions, and millions. But! The post-magazine life of a celebrity editor is fraught with danger.

A peacocked network has been brutalized by the economy. Meanwhile, a Burbank studio stores away a billion dollars in their water tower. And back at the ranch, robots are learning how to come together, fight evil, eat, pray, and love.

• News of Walter Cronkite's death on Friday evening didn't generate a Michael Jackson-like reaction, but the hour-long CBS News special honoring him on Sunday proved a ratings winner. In related news, the network will continue airing Cronkite's voice-over introducing the CBS Evening News. [NYT, NYT]
• Is Janice Min leaving Us Weekly? That's the rumor, at least. [P6]
• Fashion magazines are looking a little thin this fall, not surprisingly. [MW]
• Padma Lakshmi is in talks with NBC to star in a sitcom. [Variety]
• More changes are afoot at Interview: Evan Schindler is the troubled mag's new president. And Stephen Mooallem has been named editor-in-chief. [NYT]
• As expected, the new Harry Potter movie mopped up at the box office this weekend with $79.5 million in ticket sales. The big loser? Brüno, which fell to fourth place as sales plummeted 73 percent. [EW, Variety]