It was kind of sad when Michael Douglas' son Cameron was arrested for trying to smuggle a half-pound of crystal meth. So it's an order of magnitude sadder that Cameron's girlfriend got busted smuggling heroin to him in jail.

Ever wish you could attend a taping of The Jerry Springer Show, but found the prospect of flying to Chicago a little daunting? You're in for a treat! The most sophisticated show on television has been relocated to lovely Stamford, Connecticut, along with other gems like Maury and The Steve Wilkos Show. You'll now be able to take in the parade of hillbillies and trannies with a simple, hour-long trip aboard MetroNorth. More importantly, Stamford officials report the city's struggling economy just got the big boost it desperately needed! Congrats, Stamford. We have no doubt a flood of classy tourists with high disposable incomes will follow shortly. [ConnPost]

A blog lord lashed out at tourists in a train station; a fameball leered at Gotham's "social maladroits" and a British writer blew up over American English. The Twitterati were xenophobic and claustrophobic at the same time.

We were a bit surprised to see Michael Bloomberg's name appear on Vanity Fair's best-dressed list. We weren't the only ones, of course. But while the mayor's never been known for his sartorial sense, the Observer's Jason Horowitz thinks the mayor's increasingly "goofy" wardrobe—much like his decision to join Twitter—is part of an effort to spice up a pretty unexciting reelection campaign and keep himself from dying of boredom:

Aaaaand, just that quick, TMZ has the sexxxy photos that Alex von Furstenberg's fiancee Ali Kay sent to washed-up basketball player Reggie Miller. Surely there's an innocent explanation? No?

Laura Ling and Euna Lee, freed from North Korea. David Rohde escaped from the Taliban. Kidnapping is a constant danger to journalists—and an awesome career opportunity! Here's how to take advantage of the scarynewsiest moment of your life.

When looking for a city to chart the materialist lives of wealthy women, how did Atlanta come in third after iconic locations Orange County and New York? Apparently because it is the nexus of all bat-shit insane drama.

Web-journalism evangelist—and Huffington Post admirer—Jeff Jarvis has announced on his blog that he has prostate cancer. We wish him well. So does HuffPo, we imagine. But isn't that a weird photo to choose to illustrate that story?

They say bickering intensifies as stakes diminish; this helps explain the enmity engulfing the U.S. Chess Federation. A struggle over board seats turned into a flurry of lawsuits, all rooted in the following obscene and allegedly faked internet postings.

• All is not well at ABC. The hoped-for comeback of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? didn't happen and ratings have been so low, the network is now occasionally falling behind Univision. Yes, Univision. [NYT, B&C]
• The owners of Uptown magazine are in talks to acquire Vibe, which shut down in June. What they plan to do with it is anybody's guess. [AdAge]
• Tina Brown's Daily Beast is on the move: She's planning to launch a U.K. version of the Barry Diller-funded website within months. [Telegraph]
• Not every magazine in America is struggling, apparently! [Newsweek]
• Is MTV planning to leave Times Square? Quite possibly. [NYP]

Financially-challenged photographer Annie Leibovitz was sued last week by Art Capital Group, the high-end pawn shop that loaned her $24 million last year in exchange for the rights to her photography collection and her collection of real estate holdings in the West Village and upstate New York. It will be some time before we find out whether Leibovitz will get to hang on to her assets, but it seems she's already suffered one minor defeat in court. In a court ruling over whether Getty Images went behind Art Capital's back to negotiate a deal to represent Leibovitz on a freelance basis, New York State's highest court misspelled the name of the "world-renowned photographer" 37 times. Don't you just hate exceptions to the normally reliable "i before e, except after c" rule? [NYS Supreme Court, PDF]

In your motivational Tuesday media column: CNN sensibly bans Lou Dobbs types, Tina Brown spans the Atlantic, America's stupidest magazines flourish, and Times Square is getting .03% less irritating.

Aug. 10 @ 8pm Kate Hudson - 8th row behind 3rd base. She was with 3 other women. Signed autographs seemed happy and nice. [Submit your own Gawker Stalker sightings to stalker@gawker.com.]

Bernie Madoff's right-hand man, Frank DiPascali, will joining his former boss behind bars in the near future. The former chief financial officer of Madoff's investment firm, DiPascali pleaded guilty this afternoon to all the counts against him, including securities fraud, falsifying records and international money laundering, as part of a deal with prosecutors. "Mr. DiPascali said at the plea hearing that the transactions were "all fake. It was all fictitious. It was wrong, and I knew it was wrong at the time." [WSJ]

One more argument for healthcare reform: Astronauts—actual NASA astronauts who fly to space on multibillion-dollar rockets and stuff—are scared that they can't get coverage. Or so says NASA's "chief bioethicist" in an interview with the New York Times.

Cityfile has partnered with Dr. Helen Fisher to bring you the latest insight into love and romantic attraction. A renowned biological anthropologist, Dr. Fisher has conducted extensive research in the fields of human sexuality, love and marriage. She serves as Chief Scientific Advisor for the internet dating site Chemistry.com.

Bungalow 8 proprietress Amy Sacco has a reality show in the works. (Or at least Bravo is now "testing" out such a concept.) Less than a month ago, Sacco told WWD that she'd recruited a big bunch of her friends to take part in the program—so many people, in fact, that Sacco told the reporter that while it's technically a reality show, "I don't know if anyone's going to believe my reality." Today the Daily News throws a little water on the concept, suggesting that very few famous faces will ultimately appear on the show, since many of the boldfaced friends Sacco calls her friends "don't want to be seen on camera doing reality TV."

The New York Times ran a big story last weekend about Hank Paulson's contacts with Goldman Sachs, but they couldn't get a quote from Paulson because he was too busy writing his memoirs. Really? No, not really.

It's amazing that in America, people get all uptight when Miley Cyrus poses in a sheet, but in France, 51-year-old Sharon Stone can show off her magnificently-preserved bosom on the cover of a magazine. Stupid Puritans.