Just when you thought the drama at the Brooke Astor trial had subsided a bit comes the news that "a knife-wielding woman" attacked the jury forewoman on the subway, and one of the alternate jurors riding in the same car stepped in to stop the assault and apprehend the attacker. The forewoman, who is described as a 44-year-old caterer, escaped serious injury, according to the judge, but she did "suffer some bruises and other minor injuries." The judge also said that the attack didn't appear to be connected to the trial. But how often you hear about knife-wielding female muggers on the subway? Let's hope someone has the sense to sit Charlene Marshall down for a nice long chat today. [NYT]

Yesterday Frank DiPascali, one of Bernie Madoff's closest aides since the mid-1970s, pled guilty to 10 felony counts and in the process offered up details on how he helped Madoff screw hundreds with their multi-billion dollar swindle.

The AP has a report out tonight containing some sobering but entirely predictable information: according to ATF sources, militia groups concentrated in the South, Midwest and Northwest are growing rapidly as wild conspiracy theories fuel the spread of paranoia.

Molly Ringwald has an op-ed in today's Times reflecting on the impact John Hughes had on her life. Among the revelations: neither she nor Anthony Michael Hall had spoken to him in 20 years, and he loved making mixtapes. [NYTimes]

In 1996 the New Yorker ran a "Talk of the Town" piece about the notoriously reclusive Thomas Pynchon becoming a huge fan of an indie rock band called Lotion, a story the magazine now acknowledges was all a hilarious hoax.

Earlier tonight Glenn Beck dropped in on the O'Reilly Factor for his regular Tuesday fat-chewing session with Bill-O, where he defended himself against the totally ridiculous allegations that he's intentionally stoking the irrational fears of village idiots across the land.

Surely you've sat around in the midst of your recessionary squalor and thought, "Gee, I'd really love an unpaid internship at the consulting/lobbying firm started by the former head of Homeland Security under President Bush." Well, today's your lucky day!

While the dreaded McKinsey recommendations are still weeks away, Conde Nast is in full cost-cutting mode. Examples: Graydon Carter is now lunching in the cafeteria with commoners and the free Fiji water will soon be replaced by tap water. Yeah.

In case you didn't know, today marked the tenth anniversary of the Victoria's Secret "Body by Victoria" bra line, and to drum up publicity for the occasion, the company forced some of their models to do some really scary stuff!

• Bee Shaffer says she has no plans to follow in mom Anna Wintour's footsteps. "I really don't want to work in fashion. It's just not for me. I respect her, obviously, but it's just a really weird industry." She concludes by saying that people who think fashion is life are lame and she'd much rather become a lawyer, thank you very much. [Fox News]
• Charlize Theron appears on the cover of Vogue's September issue. It also touts the fact it's 584 pages, though that's down last year's 798 pages. [Cut]
• Be careful if you spend your days walking around in flip-flops. If you're not, you could pick up a deadly germ and if you happen to cut your foot, the germ will enter your bloodstream and kill you. Enjoy the rest of summer. [NYDN]

Aaron Sorkin told the website MakingOf that he's never agreed to a project so fast as when he signe on to adapt Ben Mezrich's Facebook book. Sorkin still doesn't know what he was thinking.

The protesters at America's health care town halls are scary, what with their guns, apocalyptic posturing and talk of blood. The footage continues to come in, and we continue to sift out the especially disturbing bits.

A tipster in Los Angeles just sent us this picture, snapped from his car on Los Feliz Blvd., right up the street from Scientology's Mission of Los Feliz. So, who was driving the car?

In softball! The Daily Show played the NBC Nightly News last night, and even the bosses showed up. Fake news beat real news, 12 to 2.

Inglourious Basterds premiered last night in Hollywood, and will open nationwide next weekend. The Weinstein Company is in full PR mode, because August 21 is the weekend that will make or break Harvey Weinstein.

[On most days a photo like this would be simple pandering to Obamaphilia. Today, when deranged lunatics have hijacked the slow August news cycle, we'll call it fair and balanced. The president at his New Hampshire rally, via Getty]

Vibe magazine could be resurrected, maybe! This could mean jobs. Just imagine.

[Jack Nicholson on vacation with his kids in France. Image via INF]

• A few new restaurants scheduled open this week or next. [Gothamist]
• Expansions du jour: Michael Psilakis (Anthos, Kefi, Gus & Gabriel) may or may not be looking to launch a Greek food-truck. And Michael Huynh (Bar Bao, Baoguettes) is planning to open O Bao Noodles & Grill on East 53rd St. this fall.
• Bars and restaurants often continue to operate after they file for bankruptcy. That doesn't appear to be the case with Merkato 55, though. [Eater]
• Oprah's diet was destroyed during a visit to NYC last weekend. Of course, potato skins at Planet Hollywood and dessert at Serendipity 3 will do that. [P6]

Twitter co-founder Evan Williams is father to a healthy baby boy; his wife is well.