In the wake of the "Paula's leaving American Idol" tragedy, we must pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and get ready for her to guest star on some shows about dowdy fat girls.

Did your husband just leave you? Well, then, have a look at the "Suddenly Splitsville" package that the Marmara Manhattan, an "extended-stay" hotel on the Upper East Side, is now offering. In addition to a fully-furnished luxury apartment, you'll get a one-year subscription to Divorce magazine, "a pint of Haagen Daz [sic] ice cream to drown those sorrows in," a free pass to the 92nd Street Y "to work on that new physique," a complimentary copy of Confessions Of An Online Dating Addict, "a book about the trials and tribulations of a woman who dated online in New York City to learn all about dating on the Web," and free wireless Internet access so you "can start surfing the dating sites." You really couldn't ask for anything else, could you? [Marmara Manhattan via YM]

The President of Costa Rica has swine flu. He vows to "carry out my work by telecommuting"—presumably from the Conde Nast building, which is the Pig Flu World Headquarters. His nation's only hope now: Flying Rabbis.

Back in April, congresswoman Michele Bachmann said that President Obama wanted to send American children to mandatory "reeducation camps." That was her completely reasonable response to increased funding for AmeriCorps. Guess what her son just joined!

Speaking of life-threatening subway events, hey, what is smoldering subway hero Chad Lindsey, actor and selfless savior of unconscious people on subway tracks, up to these days? Oh he is just acting, with Mischa Barton. Check it out.

So much for the truce between MSNBC and Fox. Since news of a cease fire (or at least a ratcheting down of the rhetoric) appeared in the pages of the New York Times twelve days ago, whatever fragile peace the two networks negotiated has dissolved into the usual volley of insults. Bill O'Reilly is once again the worst person in the world, according to Keith Olbermann. And MSNBC's parent company, GE, is once again responsible for supporting terrorist regimes that are hell-bent on America's destruction, according to O'Reilly. Few at MSNBC and Fox News are happy the deal has unraveled—and both sides have said they're hoping to salvage it, an unlikely prospect at this point—although some of the most annoyed people around are the NBC staffers who are getting increasingly fed up with Olbermann's antics.

As we learned during the Bush administration, the only legitimate role the federal government can play in stimulating the economy is sending everyone in America a check. That's always fiscally responsible, too. So why do Democrats hate simple economics?

[Fashion designer Cynthia Rowley lures the next generation of girls to the dream-crushing fashion industry while teaching a sewing class at the New York Public Library. Image via Getty]

Alex von Furstenberg flipped out, with insanity, when he found out his fiancee was flirting sexxxily with washed-up NBA star Reggie Miller. You got off easy, Reggie. Alex has been know to punch faces over this sort of thing.

The Wall Street Journal reports that economists are "nearly unanimous" that President Obama should reappoint Ben Bernanke to another term as Federal Reserve chairman. Even better? "[T]he majority of the economists The Wall Street Journal surveyed during the past few days said the recession that began in December 2007 is now over." Now over! Break out that overpriced outfit you purchased during the good ol' days of 2007, reserve a table at the club you last frequented back when you had a job and you could afford to pay $400 for a bottle, and celebrate. Naturally, you can look forward to finding another job any moment now. [WSJ]

It only took a decade, but Us Weekly finally got their dirty clutches on video of actor Channing Tatum taking it all off for a crowd horny Florida ladies. It's his best work since Step Up 2: The Streets.

Whitney Port walking home from the gym ... Famke Janssen walking downtown ... Beyonce leaving dinner at Nello on Madison Avenue ... Rihanna going shopping at Barneys ... Mischa Barton filming scenes for The Beautiful Life in SoHo, right before Elle Macpherson showed up to shoot her scenes, too ... Ed Westwick arriving at JFK ... Alessandra Ambrosio arriving at MTV Studios in Times Square ... Kate Hudson sitting with CC Sabathia's wife, Amber, at a Yankee game ... Ashton Kutcher holding hands with Demi Moore while walking in the East Village ... Kate Gosselin leaving her hotel en route to ABC Studios ... Taylor Momsen and Connor Paolo eating lunch on the Gossip Girl set ... and Oprah leaving Phillippe with Gayle King and Alicia Keys.

Jury duty for the Brooke Astor trial is hell: since April, they've had to stare at her thieving son's face and endure testimony from Graydon Carter and Henry Kissinger. Now random subway crazies are attacking the jury, with knives.

It's fine for the extras and crew members to raid the catering table, but which Hollywood actress is using craft services as her all-you-can-eat buffet. And taking left overs. Plus, the return of Coke Mom! Well, kinda.

Two AP journalists were wounded in a roadside bombing in Afghanistan. One lost his foot.

• Iris Cantor, the widow of Cantor Fitzgerald founder Bernie Cantor, has gone into contract to sell her penthouse at 110 Central Park South. The four-bedroom pad, which Cantor bought for $15 million in 2006, had been listed recently for $11.9 million. [NYO]
• Pro golfer Cristie Kerr and her husband, Aviator Sports president Erik Stevens, have picked up an 11th-floor condo at One Morton Square. The couple paid $2.3 million for the three-bedroom pad. [Cityfile]
• Hedge funder Steve Eisman has unloaded his nine-room apartment at 1125 Park Avenue for $5.2 million, or $1.795 million less than what he paid for it in March 2008. Eisman can afford to take the loss. His Front Point Partners is believed to have made a fortune betting against subprime lending. [NYO]

How bad have things gotten at Condé Nast? The bottles of Pellegrino and Orangina are gone, the Fiji water has been replaced with Poland Spring, and Vanity Fair editor Graydon Carter has been spotted in the cafeteria, "eyeing reasonably priced stir fry." Oh, yes, it's that bad. [NYO]

Billionaire financier George Soros turns 79 today. Nina Zagat is turning 67. Writer/comedian Michael Ian Black is 38. The tannest man in Hollywood, George Hamilton, is turning 70. Evelyn Lauder, philanthropist, social staple, and wife of Leonard, is 73. Roger Hodge, the editor of Harper's, is turning 42. NYCLU executive director Donna Lieberman is 61. Legendary screenwriter William Goldman is turning 78. Casey Affleck is 34. Interiors man Jeffrey Beers is turning 53. Pete Sampras is 38. Scandal-plagued football player Plaxico Burress is turning 32. Publishing heir Robert Ziff is 43. Rebecca Gayheart is turning 38. Actress Dominique Swain is 29. And the rapper Sir Mix-a-Lot turns 46 today.

Doug and Paris rekindle their tainted love, Sienna Miller falls for the "Slinky Wizard," Renee Zellweger and Bradley Cooper play grab-ass, Justin Timberlake buys a house in Greenwich, Paula Abdul might head to ABC and Russell Brand seeks new love.

• Kate Hudson is dying to have A-Rod's baby, reports In Touch: "(Hudson) just turned 30 and she's ready to have her second child," an "insider" tells the magazine. "She brought up the idea to Alex and told him that they would make a beautiful baby together, and that she would assume all financial responsibility." Sounds like a great deal, clearly. [MSNBC]
• Renee Zellweger and Bradley Cooper are no longer trying to hide their relationship. To make the point crystal clear, Bradley placed a "reassuring hand on her behind" for paparazzi photographers in Barcelona. [DM]
• Michael Douglas' son, Cameron Douglas, was busted on drug charges a week ago. Now his girlfriend has been arrested, too. Kelly Sott was nabbed after she tried to smuggle heroin to him in an electric toothbrush. Whoops. [People]