Yesterday, David Axelrod sent out a long and boring "viral" email about health care to the White House's email list. Or did he? We're getting a lot of tipsters saying they got it but never signed up for Obama emails.

And it's not for wearing fur. No, a tipster says she saw the socialite and star of The City beating her pooch this morning.

Why did this come out after she was sworn in, hmm? Sonia Sotomayor had her Equinox Fitness membership canceled because she insisted on always breezing in without showing her I.D. card. What a reverse-racist! [NYM]

The guy who was seen masturbating on the subway last Friday—and who was arrested on public lewdness charges yesterday thanks to the woman who had the sense to snap pics of him with her cell phone—has a very long rap sheet, it turns out. But that might be because he's not very good at making up excuses. His explanation for the little subway incident last week: "That's me in the pictures, my private parts fell out... I looked down and it was out, it just popped out. I was trying to put it back." [NYDN]

Everyone loves the story of the old people who would rather eat chicken marsala than listen to Congressman Anthony Weiner try to convince them that the government will not take over their Medicare

In Spread, Ashton Kutcher plays Nikki, a freeloading quasi-gigolo who uses his looks and charm to acquire the luxe life lived by LA's richest women—until he finds the one who doesn't fall for him.

Biz Stone is trying to get $575,000 for his tidy "poet's cottage" in the Berkeley hills. The Twitter co-founder's real estate agent must be tearing her hair out: Stone's explained on television how much he regretted buying the place.

Last night Levi Johnston appeared on masturbatory Bravo exec and host Andy Cohen's Watch What Happens Live. Yeah, he's down with the gays. He better be, because in 10 years, he'll be a washed-up former pretty boy on VH1.

The Way We Live Now: Honoring the honorable Chairman Mao Zedong, with economic might! Capitalism, Communism, what does it really matter, as long as it glorifies China? They're not the ones renting textbooks and dreaming of Lotto tickets. That's us.

Michael Gerson says we should never, ever, ever accuse anyone of behaving like a Nazi, because the Nazis were super, super evil.

Perhaps you've been wondering where Tinsley Mortimer has been the last couple of months? The New York socialite has been spending a good deal of her time in Europe now that she's a soon-to-be divorcée and the new man in her life, Prince Casimir Sayn-Wittgenstein-Sayn (or "Cassie), lives in London. So how are things going with the 33-year-old "man-about-town" who is descended from German royals, even though he looks more like a Greek shipping heir, or maybe the spoiled son of a Eastern European tyrant? And what happened with her ex, Topper Mortimer? Luckily, the Tinz sat down with London's Evening Standard and shared a few details.

Scientists have finally pinned down the gene mutation that allows two peculiar superhuman women to function on a mere 6.5 hours of sleep per night. One day that could be you! [NYT]

A new study from a PR industry-connected research group has definitively proven that PR people are nearly as moral as dental students. Which has to be pretty good, no?

As if it wasn't bad enough that Bernie Madoff investors were handing over their money to a con artist to manage, it seems they were also putting their trust in a drug-addicted gun freak, too. When Bernie Madoff's right-hand man Frank DiPascali pleaded guilty earlier this week to charges he helped engineer the $65 billion scheme and he agreed to cooperate with prosecutors, the deal also guaranteed DiPascali that the feds wouldn't come after him for the "use of controlled substances prior to 1992" and "for possessing illegal firearms up until last Friday." Between this news and the revelation that Bernie had a 20-year affair that no one knew about, the made-for-TV Madoff movie is getting spicier by the day, isn't it? [NYP, WSJ]

Olivia Palermo and boyfriend Johannes Huebl leaving the Apple store in SoHo ... Mischa Barton arriving on the set of The Beautiful Life with a cigarette in her mouth, and Elle Macpherson walking in front of her trailer on the set of the same movie ... Khloe and Kourtney Kardashian leaving their hotel ... Kelly Killoren Bensimon posing for a photo shoot downtown ... Jerry Springer walking inside his hotel in Midtown ... Karina Smirnoff posing for photographers outside Live with Regis and Kelly ... actress Ashley Madekwe walking in the Village ... Blake Lively shooting scenes for Gossip Girl ... Rachel McAdams getting out of an SUV ... Renee Zellweger wrapped up in a blanket for an Elle photo shoot at Griffin ... and Rosanna Arquette and daughter Zoe Sidel hanging out at The Pretenders concert in Central Park.

It is worth remembering that Woodstock sucked. It's like an entire generation is trying to convince us that this one Warped Tour show they went to was seriously epochal. [WSJ via Pat's Papers]

The New York Times Co., which you may know from glancing at your local news stand, is now also selling wine. Good wine! Not that cheap shit. Hey buddy, need some wine?

Cityfile has partnered with Dr. Helen Fisher to bring you the latest insight into love and romantic attraction. A renowned biological anthropologist, Dr. Fisher has conducted extensive research in the fields of human sexuality, love and marriage. She serves as Chief Scientific Advisor for the internet dating site Chemistry.com.

[Professional fan waver Karl Lagerfeld checks out the devious handiwork by French pop star Jean Roch in Saint-Tropez; photo via INF]

Gawker friend R. Nicholas Kuszyk, the Williamsburg-based robot artist who occasionally fools the world into thinking he is Banksy, has a new book about, yes, Robots, so why don't you pick it up? Art sample photo below!