• George Michael is back in the news and, as usual, it has nothing to do with his music. The singer was arrested on Friday for driving drunk when he crashed his car into a truck. Michael, however, is insisting he was sober at the time. So maybe he's just a bad driver? [NYDN, E!]
• Is Joe Simpson trying to push the producers of American Idol to hire Jessica Simpson to replace Paula Abdul? That's the rumor. [P6]
• Amy Winehouse's soon-to-be ex-husband, Blake Fielder-Civil says the singer has been "begging him to get back together." Uh oh. [DM]
• Beyoncé has been brushing up on her dance skills by "secretly" enrolling in ballet lessons at the Alvin Ailey School of Dance. [NYDN]

An upcoming biography on Nobel laureate William Golding says that the author tried to rape a 15-year-old named Dora when he was 18 and on break from his first year as a student at Oxford.

Americans love their cocaine! And apparently these same cocaine-loving Americans' preferred method of snow ingestion is to snort it through rolled up cash bills, as a new analysis of currency in 18 U.S. cities shows.

Rumors have been swirling about Fox courting cancer-stricken, old racist coot Don Imus to be part of their morning lineup, and now it seems they're close to reaching a deal. The question is: What the hell took them so long?

North Korea is reopening its southern border to allow tourism and Korean family reunions.

Oh my does New York have a heartwrenching chronicle of the disintegration of Tinsley and Topper Mortimer's marriage in their new Fall Fashion issue! It's like The Notebook meets NYC Prep. Break out the monogrammed hankies folks!

Authorities say that the recent outbreak of California wildfires started in the cooking area of an illegal marijuana farm run by Mexican drug lords. The "La Brea fire" has already burned 75,000 acres in Santa Barbara County. [LA Times]

Well the first episode of the new season of Mad Men just ended. Let's scan the internet to get the immediate reactions of a few folks, shall we?

Since most Sarah Palin fetishists think she's Christ reincarnated with a folksy twang and fertile vagina, it stands to reason that someone would eventually make a Palin video tribute set to the music of R. Kelly. That time is now.

Tonight 60 Minutes aired its much-anticipated Michael Vick interview, conducted by James Brown of CBS Sports, the first time Vick has spoken publicly about his crimes since being sent to prison for running a brutal dog-fighting ring.

Jesus. Will you people please, please STFU about Mad Men, the third season of which premieres tonight? [Ed. NO!] Fine. For people who'll be opting out of watching this evening, here're your five talking points/excuses when discussing at work tomorrow.

How does the other-other half live? You know, the families who are now forced to "squeak by" on $300K a year? Leave it to the Washington Post to not only find out, but to attempt to elicit empathy!

In August, it ain't where you're from, it's what wedding you're at. Not getting married/watching other people get married? Then you're probably single, friendless, or me. Enter Phyllis Nefler and the NYT Weddings & Celebrations to help ease/exacerbate our pain.

Maybe angry nightlife people do have something to be pissed about: rules! A little girl and her dad were surrounded, yelled at, and fined $50 by Parks Department officials in Riverside Park. For having a lemonade stand. [NYP via Gothamist]

Or so goes today's lacerating NYT piece on The Weinstein Company's fate, "The Weinsteins Scamble to Regain a Golden Touch in Hollywood." Like old Miramax films, it's juicy, exciting, illuminating, and troubling. It also lays their survival strategy bare.

Most exciting news yet, this weekend: a new dinosaur, discovered! It's called a Nothronychus graffami, and it was "13 feet tall and had nine-inch-long hand claws" that it would probably use to extract your face if it weren't extinct. [MSNBC]

Yes, this photograph actually came from The Official White House Photostream, and it is a hypnotizing as it is curiously strange. Who took it? Who are the women in the picture? What is being said, here?!

Every publication enjoys the "pleasure" of hearing from their readerships often, but especially from crazies, who love to write in. Today, someone's helpful ideas for the beleaguered, layoff-happy New York Observer, involving Jews, horses, and the "Heroic Destiny Squad."

Efforts to turn Vogue into Vogue: Proletariat continue at full speed. They're now making serious attempts to cater to the fatties and unfamous. Their latest? How to get Normals into awesome exclusive restaurants they otherwise wouldn't normally get into.

Ha. Thank you, Bucky Turco, who asks: What's stranger? A relative of Barnes & Noble falling 30 feet through an NYC sidewalk, unhurt, or doing so after leaving an Off Track Betting parlor? [NY Post]