Today, in the New York Times awesome profile on Rahm Emanuel, some great stories. Chief among them: Rahm not getting invited to Camp David, Rahm nixing Sidney Blumenthal's role in Hilary Clinton's office, and Rahm the "pile driver." But why?

Two teenage celebrities might be getting married, and therefore: doing it. Robert Pattinson's life is invaded by aliens. Paula wants back on Idol, and I want back in the womb. Madonna, Sinatra, Spears, Spacey. Presenting your Sunday Morning Gossip Roundup:

From this weekend's major releases, the movie generating the most excitement: District 9, a relatively low-budget thriller about human-alien relations in South Africa. But it - like many films like it - has a heavy theme: goddamn aliens!

Plenty of New Yorkers are familiar with Sleepy's, the Manny Noriega-esque monopoly on mattresses. They suck! And a longtime Hartford Courant consumer affairs columnist was fired from the paper, who they advertised with, possibly for saying and proving so.

Is two a trend? Today, in the NY Times: Greenwich Village residents who hated Paul Sevigny's uber-hip nightlife destination/coke den, The Beatrice Inn. And in the LA Times: residents speculatively hating the forthcoming Sunset Strip outpost of SoHo House. Viva!

Brad Pitt went on Bill Maher's show last night for a fairly candid interview. Maher grilled Pitt on his joint rolling technique, his PR invincibility, his stances on gay marriage, and life at home with the kids.

Ousted founder of Vimeo, the Original Fameball, and now pointedly crazy internet personae Jakob Lodwick has finally written the definitive treatise on how to deal with the pressures he's experienced from "a prominent online gossip publication." And it's not terrible!

40 years after Woodstock, Bob Dylan was mistaken for an escaped crazy patient by Jersey 5-0, and taken into custody of the cop after he was seen rambling the Jersey streets. Oh, man, things have changed. [NYP]

Morbid and sad: the NY Post reports that the air traffic controller responsible during last weekend's helicopter-plane crash was on his cell discussing dead cats when the crash occurred. Meanwhile, broken down footage is showing the plane clipping the chopper.

You'd think Steve Forbes would be content having his name slathered all over his various properties. You'd be wrong, because Forbes wants to be the author of a bestseller, too. Badly. Badly enough to spend company money buying his book.

The Gosselins: turning into the Clampetts. Robert Pattinson's going to star in my new movie, playing me. Leno pays tribute to The Jews. Julia Roberts and Eat, Prey, Love get grilled by the Hindus. Presenting your Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup:

An ABC reporter went off on Joe Scarborough; Julia Allison asked if she could be mean if she felt like it and a Twitter-less vacation proved hard to start. The Twitterati just had to get in one last dig.

New York nightlife tries to sell itself as being full of happening people, the coolest music, and always on the verge of the next big thing. Then why do they keep recycling the same tired ideas?

This week in sex and death: everyone who isn't gay, broke, or dead will be soon.

[Fake Sean Connery, fake Johnny Depp, fake Rod Stewart, and fake Elton John mingle at the Sunburst Convention of Celebrity Tribute Artists in Orlando. Image via Getty]

Guest of a Guest has a tip that Harvey Weinstein is trying to sell the Weinstein Co.'s stake in A Small World, a useless "Facebook for millionaires" that the company stupidly invested in three years ago.

Barely two months ago, Twitter staff were said to barely use their own service. Now they're in danger of turning into a bunch of Julia Allisons.

[The Kreepie Kats are not happy about Victoria Beckham or the new Melrose Place. But being gay is cool!]

Would you like to see Jamie Foxx's dick? Well, then it's Christmas in August. [ONTD]

[Inglorious Basterds director Quentin Tarantino gets blown away by the rapper during his performance outside the Today show. Image via Getty]