The financial news of the past year has provided plenty of inspiration to entrepreneurs looking to capitalize on the misery. But will the public rush to stores to scoop up a video game called "Bailout Wars" (above)? Will people bypass their chewing gum of choice and seek out "Meltdown Gum" instead? And would anyone in their right mind be interested in a football jersey with Bernie Madoff's name on the back? Only time will tell, of course. In the meantime, you'll find a collection of very timely—and very dubious—trademarks, all for products ripped from the financial news headlines of the past year, below. Coming soon to a store near you! Or, you know, not.

Rupert Murdoch promises his News Corp. publications will charge for content by next year. Steven Brill swears he has hundreds of newspapers signed up to do likewise. Who wants to be the first to follow these sharks into the pool?

Everyone sold off their stock this morning. Everyone, that is, except for people who own shares in health insurers. They're thrilled that Obama's health care plan is being watered down so that it won't include government-run health plans.

Yesterday we pointed out that a fella named Justin Massler had sent an apparently insane horse-themed letter to the New York Observer. Now Justin is acting even more apparently insane. We think it's just bad performance art!

The White House is changing its procedures for sending out mass e-mails after hundreds of outraged conservatives received David Axelrod's healthcare reform pitch last week, Politico reports.

Last week, the Post reported that the wife of retired Goldman Sachs honcho Ray Iwanowski had smashed her BMW into a tree and was later arrested for DWI. On Wednesday, the owner of a Bentley Arnage watched as his car mysteriously rolled into Lake Montauk and plunged to the bottom. Could there a trend here? Who knows, but since these things usually come in threes, you may want to be a little extra cautious if you're cruising around the East End in a luxury car today. [EHPress]

Months after Barack Obama's election, America is still as deeply embroiled in the Snuggie Wars as ever. As Snuggies and Slankets fend off guerilla attacks from Sealpelts and Lippi Selk bags, the Wearable Towel is making its dumb, ruthless move.

Indicted former GOP House Majority Leader Tom DeLay will be a contestant on Dancing With the Stars. Terri Schiavo's dead—what else did you expect him to do?

After saying he'd pose naked for the right price, Unzipped magazine (the gay answer to Playboy) has offered to pay America's babydady Levi Johnston to show off what's in his Levis. And he just might do it.

Vogue's September issue has 36% fewer ad pages this year, almost exactly as predicted.

Courtney Love shopping downtown ... Mischa Barton talking on her phone while eating lunch outside with a friend ... Paul McCartney waving to photographers in East Hampton ... Dave Zinczenko, Dan Abrams, and Julia Allison having dinner at Copa in Bridgehampton ... Julia Roberts leaving her trailer on the set of Eat, Pray, Love ... Sophia Bush going inside Pop Yogurt on West Broadway and Spring Street ... Drew Barrymore shooting scenes for Going the Distance ... Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian leaving the Howard Stern Show in Midtown ... and Beyoncé and Jay-Z having an early dinner at Bar Pitti on Saturday.

Yale art major Aliza Shvarts induced many throwups amongst people who read about her induced-abortion art project last year. But she also induced, uh, Yale not letting somebody have a blood drive, for art? Something something, "meaning." Yale!

[Britney puts on an impromptu magic show while hanging out yesterday with her kids by the pool in Marina Del Ray. Image via Flynet]

So much for this being a cooler summer than years past. The temperature will reach a high of 93 degrees today—making it the hottest day of the year thus far—and tomorrow and Wednesday's highs are expected to be close to 95 degrees. The city issued its first heat advisory of the season today, which means the Post now has a good excuse to publish photos of bikini-clad girls "cooling off" in the ocean. Both will probably be discontinued when the heat wave passes later this week. [NYP, NYDN]

And no, you can not guess Star Jones. Her arrangement marriage ended a while ago. This must be a new one. Also for your pondering: crazy actress diets, a director who pees himself, and a country singing meth dealer. Fun!

Milwaukee mayor Tom Barrett was beaten with a metal pipe by a crazed thug at the Wisconsin State Fair Saturday. Is mayor-beating a new political trend, and is Tom Barrett now probably mayor-for-life? The answers are yes and hell yes.

Social queen Tinsley Mortimer certainly seems to have moved on with her life: She's spending much of her time in London these days, happily dating a German prince, and now embarking on plans to conquer the world of fashion. Her estranged husband Topper hasn't been quite as lucky, according to Spencer Morgan, who writes about the unraveling of the "haute-Wasp fairy tale" in this week's New York: "Where Tinsley is blithe and carefree, Topper is tormented. He's become a full-time smoker. He's lost weight. He wakes up at precisely 3:25 every morning and plays over and over the reality show his life became. Still, he hasn't entirely abandoned the idea that she'll come back. 'I love my wife' is all he'll tell me." [NYM, previously]

• It looks like Don Trump Jr. and his wife Vanessa are spreading out a bit. A week after the couple paid $1.125 million for an 1,800-square-foot apartment on the 12th floor of The Sovereign on East 58th Street, they've now paid another $1.595 million for the apartment next door. [Cityfile]
• Douglas Lebda, the founder of LendingTree, has gone into contract to sell his penthouse at the Legacy on East 84th Street. After more than nine months on the market, Lebda is taking a loss on the sale of the 5,175-square-foot apartment. Purchased for $8.6 million in 2007, the mortgage exec is reportedly selling it for "close to" its listing price of $7.5 million. [NYT, BHS]

Robert De Niro turns 66 today. Sean Penn is turning 49. Controversial book publisher Judith Regan is 56. Yankees star Jorge Posada is turning 38. J. Crew CEO Mickey Drexler and Oracle CEO Larry Ellison are both turning 65 today. John McDonald, the restaurateur behind Lure Fishbar, Chinatown Brasserie, and the now-closed Lever House, is 41. Jonathan Franzen, the author of The Corrections, is 50. E! host Giuliana DePandi Rancic is 34. Nicola Kraus, the co-author of The Nanny Diaries, is 35. Hollywood exec Gail Berman is turning 53. Singer Belinda Carlisle is 51. Retired tennis player Jim Courier turns 39. Donnie Wahlberg is turning 40. Former Senator Norm Coleman is 60. And Rick Hilton, father of Paris and Nicky, turns 54 today.

Demi and Rumer enjoy some male stripper action, Jessica Simpson angles for an American Idol gig, the fate of Michael Jackson's corpse remains a creepy mystery, Lady Gaga abuses men, Britney sports a new bikini, and Hugh Grant contemplates retirement.