Keeping abreast of the latest movements in America's class war: the rich are still winning.

Arkansas senator Tom Cotton ignited a firestorm yesterday when he said on CNN that gays who were complaining about anti-gay legislation in Indiana and Arkansas should shut up because, hey, at least they weren't being killed like in Iran. So how come nobody in Arkansas believes he's straight?

Pope Francis prostrates himself before the altar on Good Friday.

A teen girl in Yavapai County, Arizona was driving her friends home from a day of activities when she took a turn too fast, toppling off a cliff one hundred feet below, and getting trapped beneath her car. She was trapped for four hours but somehow, miraculously, survived with only minor injuries.

A two-foot-wide, six-foot-deep sinkhole appeared on the surface of Dublin's Dame Street this week, stopping traffic on the busy thoroughfare. The reason, according to one historian, may have to do with 200-year-old politicians who plunged incredible depths in a quest to get their antique rocks off.

The owners of Memories Pizza, the Indiana restaurant that preemptively refused to cater a hypothetical gay wedding, have reportedly gone into hiding after receiving a barrage of online criticism and, more importantly, over $500,000 in donations from supposedly like-minded bigots.

The American Pharmacists Association has put in place an official ban on members participating in lethal injections or other executions, saying "such activities are fundamentally contrary to the role of pharmacists as healthcare providers."

In Belfast the other day, a tween boy burst into tears after achieving the dream of his young life: Going onstage with Nicki Minaj. Nicki, who is a benevolent goddess to her Barbz and is consistently awkward and hilarious around children, clutched the crying boy to her ample bosom and lo, he was healed.

Prisons in Texas are hot. Too hot for human beings.

Data recovered from Germanwings Flight 9525's second "black box" appears to corroborate the dominant theory that the plane's co-pilot, Andreas Lubitz, intentionally crashed the Airbus A320, killing himself and 149 others.

A man who went missing more than two months ago was rescued by the Coast Guard, which apparently found him Thursday, floating on the overturned hull of his destroyed boat hundreds of miles off the coast of North Carolina.

Think you've read all of Game of Thrones so far? Think again, rube.

Two teenage sons of a Canadian diplomat allegedly walked into a drug deal in Miami on Monday. But only one walked out, and now he's facing murder charges.

Ever royally fuck something up at your job? Ever royally fuck something up at your job on television?

Sometimes it's nice to see an old acquaintance doing well, and sometimes it's upsetting and you're thinking, I hope she loses all her hair, but then you realize people will think you're mean, so you smile and say, Oh, I'm so thrilled for her. Paris Hilton definitely did one of these things recently.

Lu Lu the panda and his “roommate” Zhen Zhen the panda have reportedly set a new record for panda sex endurance: seven minutes and 45 seconds.

When the first Fast and Furious movie was released, I was a 14-year-old in ruby-colored Roxy shorts who didn’t think about anything but Paul Walker, Blink-182, and surfing. I’d obviously never been surfing or even seen the Pacific Ocean, but I really identified with the laid-back SoCal beach vibes sold to me in the Alloy catalogs delivered to my suburban Philly home.

Some powers are so terrible and vast that they should be denied to humankind, for we would not know how to wield them responsibly. For example: Kamil Hismatullin, a Russian hacker and security tinkerer, briefly had the ability to delete everything on YouTube.

Representatives from six countries reached a tentative agreement today in Lausanne, Switzerland, that, if finalized, would limit Iran’s nuclear program in exchange for the end of U.S.-led sanctions. The deal is set to be completed by June 30, though there are reportedly still important details to be settled.

L. Ron Hubbard began Scientology’s “Project Celebrity” in 1955, offering a list of 63 high-profile targets and a “small plaque” as a reward to anyone who successfully brought the likes of Bob Hope and Ernest Hemingway into the church. “There are many to whom America and the world listens...” Scientology’s blustery founder wrote in a newsletter announcing the plan. “It is obvious what would happen to Scientology if prime communicators benefitting from it would mention it now and then.” Sixty years later, was Project Celebrity a success?