We know you luv Starbucks. But Starbucks has problems. McDonald's is stealing its customers. Iconic stores are shutting down. Teenagers are planting bombs, workers are slowing down, and management's flirting with Communism. Today, Starbuck's salvation arrives: instant coffee. Uh, lowbrow.

Hedge fund mogul Dan Loeb paid $45 million for one of the city's poshest apartments last year, a 10,000-square-foot penthouse at 15 Central Park West. His move-in, however, didn't go so smoothly, it seems. It's unclear what took place precisely, but the moving company that Loeb and his wife Margaret hired to help them settle in, Auer's Moving & Rigging, filed a lawsuit against the couple in Manhattan Supreme Court earlier this year claiming breach of contract. (Panorama on the Park LLC, which is also listed as a defendant, is the company Loeb set up to acquire the property.) The high-end moving company is demanding that Loeb cough up the $98,689.07 which it says it's owed. Last week, though, an attorney for the Loebs responded to the suit by filing a motion to dismiss. So what went wrong? Was the prickly hedge fund manager's grand piano damaged by a faulty crane? Did a burly mover accidentally step on Biggie, the couple's miniature pinscher? The legal papers don't indicate why Loeb decided to withhold payment—let's hope that Biggie wasn't harmed—but you can review the documents for yourself below.

Internet blogs are killing newspapers and stealing from them and full of blowhards who don't know what they're talking about, so where does the Washington Post look for it's next "great pundit"? The internet.

"Those rewrite men—some of them were so drunk!" So begins Gay Talese's entertaining reminiscence on just how drunk the New York Times was, in his day. Mad Men? "Hell. The drinking that went on in journalism was beyond that."

Scarlett Johansson walking to the gym with Ryan Reynolds in Midtown ... Naomi Watts and Liev Schreiber sitting on a stoop in SoHo ... Kate Hudson driving a car ... Sienna Miller walking her dog on Prince Street ... Jon Gosselin shopping in SoHo ... Hugh Jackman getting in an SUV with his wife and kids (and later picking pumpkins in Connecticut) ... Shia LaBeouf hanging out on the set of Wall Street 2 ... Matt Damon walking to the set of The Adjustment Bureau near Rockefeller Center ... Mary Louise Parker hugging new boyfriend Charlie Mars on the sidewalk ... and Whitney Port walking by herself in the East Village.

Your Daily Monster: Mom keeps teen locked in closet for most of 4 1/2 years.

[Hugh Jackman considers gender reassignment surgery while checking out his enormous orange rack during a pumpkin shopping spree with his family in Connecticut yesterday. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

So did Bernie Madoff attempt to atone for his sins on Yom Kippur yesterday? That's hard to say, although prison officials say they did give him the chance to take the day off from his usual work detail: "Prison officials would not say if Madoff, serving a 150-year sentence, took advantage of the day off on the holiest day of the year in the Jewish faith or whether he participated in an evening prayer session with other Jewish inmates on what is a day of atonement and repentance." [ABC News]

Funnyman Jay Leno "cracked" (call me, Jay) some "jokes" last night about Conan O'Brien's head injury. Maybe Conan knocked himself out just so he wouldn't have to watch Jay Leno, on NBC television! That's as funny as the actual jokes.

It's always hard making it into the office in the morning, but this guy has been missing for weeks while on a bender. Also not on set, an annoying dancing star and a cheating celeb spouse. Time to clock in!

Did you know that crooked financier and voodoo priest Allen Stanford used to run a bodybuilding gym? It's true! Didn't stop him from getting his ass whupped in jail. But there's a bright side.

Today is the Democratic primary runoff for comptroller and public advocate. As expected, the turnout has been incredibly light. (So light, in fact, that some poll workers have been nodding off on the job, reports the Times.) If you'd like to do your civic duty today—or just startle a napping poll worker—you have until 9PM to do so and you can find your local polling station here. [NYT]

DJ AM's overdose last month wasn't a suicide, according to the New York City Medical Examiner's office; it was accidental. The toxicology report indicates seven drugs were in his system at the time of his death, including cocaine, Levamisole (a drug often used to cut cocaine), oxycodone (otherwise known as OxyContin), hydrocodone, Ativan, Klonapin and Xanax. [AP, People]

• Kelly Klein, Calvin Klein's second ex-wife and a photographer, horse enthusiast, and social fixture, has paid $2.091 million for a two-bedroom co-op at 2 West 67th Street, the building that she's resided in for years. [Cityfile]
• The Southampton mansion once owned by Howard Gittis, the right-hand man to Ron Perelman who passed away in late 2007, has reportedly gone into contract for "about $45 million." The 14-acre estate, which Gittis picked up for $9 million in 1993, is being bought by an unidentified financier. [NYP, Corcoran]
• Bjork and Matthew Barney have closed on the purchase of a condo at 160 Henry Street in Brooklyn Heights. The couple paid $4 million for the four-bedroom pad. Meanwhile, their former place at 180 West Houston Street is still on the market for $1.7 million. [Brownstoner via NYO, BCRE]
• Attorney Bruce Kaye and his wife Deborah have sold their two-bedroom condo at 15 CPW. The 32nd-floor apartment, which the Kayes bought for $7.8 million in July 2008 and put back on the market for $11.9 million in April, sold for $11.7 million to an unidentified buyer. [Cityfile]

Former Today and Early Show host Bryant Gumbel turns 61 today. John Sexton, the president of New York University, is 67. Faded comic Andrew Dice Clay is turning 52. Jerry Lee Lewis is 74. Florida Senator Bill Nelson is turning 67. And Italian prime minister Silvio Berlusconi is celebrating his 73rd birthday today.

• Claire Danes and Hugh Dancy got married in a quiet ceremony in France a few weeks ago. Sneaky! [Life & Style]
• Emmy Rossum's husband, music exec Justin Siegel, has filed for divorce. (Their 2008 secret marriage was only discovered when the couple was reported to have split up in August.) Naturally, Siegel is asking Rossum to pay for the divorce and he's seeking spousal support, too. [TMZ, Us]
• Yet another book is coming out alleging that Bill Clinton did inappropriate things. In her new book Government Girl: Young and Female in the White House, Stacy Parker Aab claims Clinton groped her in a hotel room in 2000 and his pal Vernon Jordan tried to kiss her twice. Good thing the poor girl got this all off her cheat a mere nine years after the fact. [NYDN]

Hooray! Even social networking sites have caste systems. Richie rich folk who live in urban areas use Twitter and Facebook more than their poor, younger country bumpkin counterparts, who still use something called MySpace. [Computer World]

Is Kanye West considering rehab? Would Michael appreciate Janet's mournful gesture? Should we all just forget Mel Gibson's anti-Semitic ways? So many questions! Get some answers in your Tuesday morning gossip roundup....

Remember how Serena Williams went crazy and threatened to make a line judge choke on her balls and everyone was outraged by this American idol's unladylike behavior? Well, none of that matters to Tampax, which considers Williams a menstruating hero.

Video games sure have come a long way since Atari. There's now a game called Virtual Iraq, which could help shell-shocked soldiers overcome post-traumatic stress disorder. Because nothing says "therapy" like "virtual reenactment of horrific proportions." [Crispy Gamer]