Richard Heene has spoken out after Sheriff Jim Aldernan's press conference. He's currently "seeking counsel" and got teary as he told the AP that "this thing has become so convoluted." He's pretty on point in that regard.

Every week, Phyllis Nefler scores the NYT's Weddings & Celebrations pages for the various Times-reading women and gay men who need their own special version of sabermetrics, and the straight men like me who deny reading them. These are Altarcations.

Felony charges will be brought up against the Heene family, it seems. Warrants will be brought up against them. They don't know when the Heene's are going to be arrested. They're going to be going through Heene's computer and seeking out co-conspirators. "On the bizarre meter, this rates a 10," noted Alderden. They didn't search for drugs. They didn't do a thorough search of the house, and should've looked at the attic. They didn't.

We got a tip in this morning clarifying some of the issues that are being studied in the case of Todd English's Cold Feet and Erica Wang. If true, this casts Wang's spin attempts in a considerably more impressive light.

Mediaite's Rachel Sklar('s boobs): currently in Israel trying to secure Entebbe, or something.

Stephanie Pratt, sister to creepy blondebeard Spencer, got DUI'd. Roman Polanski got out of jail! Kinda. Mickey Rourke, mobster groupie? Penn Badgley should huff paint. Pam Anderson's big train and Tommy Lee's big wang. Presenting your Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup!

New York Times reporter David Rohde was held hostage by the Taliban for over seven months before he escaped. The Times coordinated a media blackout on the story to protect Rhode, who's published it in the Times. It's pretty incredible.

Here we go: Larimer County Sheriff Jim Alderden's saying that the local police will likely be pressing charges against Richard Heene. And someone claiming to be Richard Heene has left a long, substantial comment at TMZ trying to deflate speculation.

Bernie Madoff's Montauk digs went for $9.4M! Originally listed at $8.4M, the Corcoran Group's apparently the U.S. Marshals' favorite real estate agency. Proceeds go straight into to a Madoff victims fund, no word on the buyer. But the quotes? Priceless.

Contemporary artist Shepard Fairey got sued by the Associated Press for not meeting Fair Use standards when using their photo of Barack Obama as the inspiration for his infamous "Hope" poster. And now he's fessing up: Fairey lied in court.

According to gossips, Amy Sacco's always been broke, and her legendary New York club Bungalow 8, which hasn't been open for a month, is dead. Wednesday night, the (heart)beat supposedly stopped. Now, Sacco's hitting back with excuses. They are?

Wow. Ready to have your mind blown? A former research assistant who slaved for Richard Heene is revealing the deceptive, tragic master plan that Heene concocted to manufacture a media thunderstorm. This...is completely insane. Here's a bullet-point summary:

For the first time, 25-year-old researcher Robert Thomas reveals to Gawker how earlier this year he and Richard Heene drew up a master plan to generate a massive media controversy using a weather balloon. To get famous, of course.

Below is some of the email exchanges beween Balloon Boy father Richard Heene and his sometime professional collaborator Robert Thomas.

Below is a proposal drawn up by Robert Thomas on behalf of his friend, collaborator and sometime employer Richard Heene, father of Balloon Boy. Heene was trying to sell a reality science series to the producers of Wife Swap after he appeared on the show.

Revelations surfaced in July that pricey, shady, plainly unethical off-the-record dinners between Washington Post reporters and DC lobbyists were planned. It resulted in the firing of the WaPo's marketing director. Now, the NYT calls out their executive editor. SHOTS FIRED!

British science nerds have invented a way to transmit specific brain signals between two different parties' heads. They claim this is paving the way towards telepathy. I'm thinking of a number between one and 2,000, winner gets nothing. [Telegraph]

Bring your Jon and Kate Plus H8 here.

Todd English's assault charges against jilted bride Erica Wang materialized two weeks after she watch-clocked him. We now know that English wasn't going to file with cops...until Wang declared war in the press. Winner? The New York Post!

If you're going to have to report on someone's nude spread, I guess I'm more comfortable objectifying Marge Simpson than an actual human being. Behold: the Marge Simpson Playboy Pics have leaked online. Are you ready to feel strange?