This is a real-life, genuine letter from California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger to the Sate Assembly, announcing his intention to veto a harmless bill that would've financed the Port of San Francisco. As you can see, it spells out "Fuck You."

John Koblin got his hands on the New York Times' employee buyout offers—which handily include a breakdown of the numbers of employees in every one of the paper's departments. Behold something massive beyond reason!

Billy Joel leaving his building and heading to Nello's (!) for lunch ... Michelle Williams walking daughter Matilda to school ... Blake Lively shopping downtown ... Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos attending a Rangers game with their kids ... Courteney Cox arriving at her hotel after an appearance on Regis & Kelly ... David Arquette leaving his hotel ... Kelly Rutherford on the set of Gossip Girl in Queens ... America Ferrera filming scenes for Ugly Betty ... Andy Samberg walking with girlfriend Joanna Newsom in SoHo ... Mary-Kate Olsen and Ashley Olsen leaving ABC after an appearance on GMA ... and Alex Rodriguez walking with Kate Hudson to Serafina to have lunch.

Some ladies just need to clean out the closet by dumping their queer boyfriends. Others won't move into a house filled with geeky decorations, and some are getting skinny with drugs! We've got a meeting in the ladies' room...

Two Chicago men have been arrested and charged with plotting to kill the Danish cartoonist who drew this controversial Muhammad cartoon back in 2005. Religious fanatics will not rest until they have incompetently harassed this mediocre cartoonist to distraction.

• Clive Davis is spreading out at the Ritz Tower. The legendary music exec, who already lives in a duplex on the 36th and 37th floors, paid $1.125 million for a two-bedroom apartment in the Park Avenue building. [Cityfile]
• Richard Bressler, Viacom's former CFO and a now a partner at Thomas H. Lee Partners, has unloaded his duplex at 850 Park. The five-bedroom co-op, which Bressler purchased for $9.75 million in 2005 and put on the market for $13.5 million in March, sold for $11.4 million. [Cityfile]
• Two months after Bruce Ratner sold his Montauk estate for $10 million, the real estate developer has picked up a more modest weekend retreat in Long Beach. Ratner paid $2 million for the three-bedroom oceanfront home. [NYO]

If you skipped the debate between Mike Bloomberg and Bill Thompson, you probably made the right choice. For better or worse, nothing that happened last night is going to change what happens next week. And if you just wanted to watch two politicians verbally pummel each other for an hour, you could turn on a cable news channel at any time of the day or night. Then again you did miss opportunity to see the bilingual mayor casually break into Spanish for no apparent reason!

Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad turns 53 today. The richest man on the planet, Microsoft co-founder Bill Gates, is turning 54. Julia Roberts celebrates her 42nd birthday today. Conan sidekick Andy Richter is turning 43. Joaquin Phoenix is 35. Bruce Jenner, the former athlete and current stepdad to the Kardashian clan, is turning 60. The CEO of Pepsi, Indra Nooyi, is turning 54. Singer/songwriter Ben Harper is 40. Actress Lauren Holly is 46. Actor Dennis Franz is turning 65. And former Miss Universe Dayanara Torres turns 35 today.

• Rosie O'Donnell told Howard Stern yesterday that she "had a chance to romance" Angelina Jolie back when they were both single and they talked on the phone a few times, but they never ended going out for dinner as planned, alas. She also says Petra Nemcova once sent her "love signals" when the model was a guest on Rosie's talk show, but she didn't capitalize on that opportunity either. Rosie has a new satellite radio show launching next week, so don't be surprised if more of these missed love connections surface in the coming days. [NYDN, CM]
• In other creepy celebrity sex news, a new book by controversial biographer Andrew Morton claims that Angelina Jolie slept with her mother's live-in boyfriend when she was 16 years old. And a second Jolie tell-all, to be published on December 1, claims Angie once contemplated suicide, has a history of heroin use, and, when it comes to her relationship with Brad Pitt, has "successfully manipulated the public into believing a glamorous fairytale that bears little resemblance to the reality of the pair's life together." [DM, Us]
• Ashley Dupre popped by Scores last Saturday night. She didn't strip, but she did make out with her new boyfriend PJ all night, so patrons of the strip club didn't go home totally empty-handed. [P6]

Lisa van Dusen has been coming to New York City for a great many years and she did not care for its baseball bat-wielding desk clerks, cerulean shag carpeting and gag-inducing transport.

Joe Lieberman knows the public option is a one way ticket to hell and will fight it to the death! Well, not really, but Ken Layne can always fantasize.

So now you know it's safe to do the same for your kids. Although there is no video footage of this suspicious event, so proceed at your own risk!

Well, that happens once every hour or so. But this time he's angry at Anita Dunn, the mean White House Communications Director who hates Glenn Beck and loves Chairman Mao.

• Christopher Walken makes dead chicken sit up, stuffs the Eiffel Tower up its ass, and serves it with pears to discerning cat. It's all very French. [Ezra Klein]

Tina Fey was supposed to be a guest on Leno tonight. She wasn't. Was all this just a ploy to increase Leno's ratings in the lucrative Men, 13-34 "has good taste in comedy" demographic? He could use it.

Remember what a huge deal it was when George Bush's niece—Noelle—was arrested for sneaking crack cocaine into a rehab center back in 2003? Turns out, Afghani president Hamid Karzai's brother probably does way, way worse things than this.

Ruth Riechl got smug over her soul-food meal on a train and Michael Bauer's readers got porn from his tweets. The Twitterati learned to watch what they ate.

Republicans set up 33 — 33! — fake Twitter accounts in the names of Democratic state representatives from Connecticut. Twitter Inc. shut the accounts down, "stopping free speech," say Republicans, and retarding innovation in defamationsatire. Typical San Francisco communism.

Not sure what's weirder: that Michael Jackson had "custom fragrances" made for him which got smeared all over everyone he hugged, or that this fact warrants 48 fawning seconds in the MTV "This is it" premier special/extended advertisement currently airing.

The CDC's complex swine flu education efforts have been so consumed with twittering away vaccine fears that it forgot to inform a few Michiganders of the very basic fact that you can't catch H1N1 from a dead body.