This whole alleged David Letterman "extortion" plot? All a big misunderstanding.

Look at this: the New York Times has a fill-in-the-blanks game on their Learning Network blog. We're pretty sure your guesses wouldn't get past the NYTimes.com's army of comment moderators, so feel free to play along below.

Today's retro jam is a thinly-veiled double entendre from 1978.

Sandra Guzman, the New York Post editor who was dismissed shortly after she spoke out against that controversial cartoon depicting President Obama as a chimpanzee, is taking aim at her former employer. She just filed a federal lawsuit against the Post, parent company News Corp, and the Post's editor-in-chief, Col Allan. If you're looking for some extraordinarily salacious reading material to keep you occupied this afternoon, well, here you have it. [HuffPo]

Former New York Post editor Sandra Guzman filed this complaint against the Post and its editor Col Allan yesterday in federal court.

Nidal Hasan, a Muslim, killed a bunch of people at Ft. Hood. Clearly, this calls for the angriest members of the right wing to compete to say the most paleoracist anti-Muslim thing. Today: Pat Robertson vs. Tunku Varadarajan.

Everyone's taking notice of a rich guy who's apparently trying to single-handedly save the nightlife industry and give leggy models everywhere something to do. His name is Taek Jho Low, a 20-something Wharton grad who loves Cristal.

In 1995, Nidal Malik Hasan applied for a permit to carry a concealed handgun in Virginia. Here is the entire application and related documents, obtained by Gawker from the Roanoke County Circuit Court.

Funemployment! It has been the exclusive province of not just the rich, but also those lucky bastards who received the mythical "severance pay." So how are those severance checks holding up now, hmmmm?

Ever wanted to date a celebrity? Sure, we all have. Here's an instructional video on how to turn your dream into a reality.

We mentioned last week that Nidal Malik Hasan, who killed 13 people at Fort Hood, received a concealed weapon permit in 1996 when he was living in Vinton, Va. Here are the highlights from his Roanoke County Circuit Court application.

Donald Trump has suffered some financial setbacks over the past year. But have things gotten so bad that he'll soon be forced to to fly commercial? Or is he just trading up? That remains an open question, but Trump did put his prehistoric Boeing 727 up for sale yesterday. How much Trump is expecting to collect for his home away from home isn't disclosed in the official listing, although considering the plane predates Ivanka's existence on this planet and it's made 29,000 landings over the years, perhaps not that much. That said, Trump has kept it in excellent condition. The listing says the plane was given a fresh coat of paint earlier this year and the interior was recently refurbished. Plus two of the three bathrooms have "gold plated sinks," there's a queen-size bed in the master bedroom, and a "circular shower" installed in the master bath. And did we mention the "abundant storage for fine china and crystal"? There's that, too! Join us for a tour of Donald's tribute to the 1980s below.

In order to (partially) repay Bernie Madoff's victims, the Feds aren't just selling off his real estate; they're selling off every last knick-knack and bric-a-brac that might potentially raise a dollar, at auction. Sample the "Bull" crap bounty, below!

This cat wants her gold toy but not enough to get out of her comfy, cozy, sleeve-bed!

Oh John, shut the f up. Sorkin's brilliant and talented - and beyond that, super sweet. God forbid he be paid what he's worth. #andrewrosssorkin

[Levi Johnston (second from left) seems unimpressed with his company—Jon Gosselin and co-hosts Lara Spencer and Chris Jacobs—when filming a guest spot on The Insider yesterday in Times Square. Image via Bauer-Griffin>]

Katie Holmes arriving at the West 30th Street heliport with daughter Suri ... Jennifer Aniston leaving the American Airlines Theater on West 42nd Street after performing in the "24 Hour Plays" ... Matt Damon leaving the set of The Adjustment Bureau in an Escalade ... Omarion and supermodel Alek Wek crossing the street in Midtown ... Gemma Ward getting out of a taxi ... Kristen Johnston walking in the West Village ... Rihanna going into MTV's studios in Times Square ... Sienna Miller walking her dog downtown ... Hugh Jackman leaving his building with wife Deborra-Lee Furness ... Jon Gosselin reading the newspaper outside the Joe & C Deli on West 72nd Street ... and Blake Lively filming scenes for Gossip Girl in Midtown.

Curiosity may kill a cat, but it can do wonders for a friendship. Just ask these two buddies, who gave making out a try. Also experimenting are a man in Spanx and a literate Twilight star. They're the cat's meow.

It took a punch to the face to make newspapers edgy again. Could a drunken punch to the face (of a woman), after an argument about racism, make the Ivy League edgy, too? One Columbia prof is testing that theory!

Last Friday night a drunk woman in Boston fell on the tracks of an oncoming T Train and nearly died. According to the train conductor, panicked Bostonians are completely indistinguishable from Boston sports fans.