Knicks star Carmelo Anthony and a man who is not business magnate Russell Simmons marched in Baltimore today, Fox News’ Geraldo Rivera confirmed this evening in an awkward on-camera interview.

Earlier today, Vermont senator Bernie Sanders announced that he’ll be Hillary Clinton’s first official contender in the Democratic primaries. He’s almost certainly not going to win, of course, but he’s not running to win: He’s running to make Hillary Clinton’s apparently inevitable ascension more interesting.

If there’s one thing Microsoft’s new web toy “How Old Do I Look?” is good for, it’s exploiting our collective narcissism to build a robust facial recognition database. But if it’s good for a second thing, it’d have to be answering the open question of how old alleged celebrity teenager Lorde really is.

Freddie Gray sustained a fatal injury after his head slammed into the back of a police van, according to several law enforcement sources who spoke with WJLA.

“Some heartless monster stole an iPad prototype from an Apple developer’s home in Cupertino,” begins nearly every article written about the incident. It’s still at large! They took drugs and money! Did we mention the iPad? Oh—and a man was also kidnapped. But please do let us know if you hear anything about that iPad.

Of all the celebrities that dot our colorful earth, it may come as a surprise to some that Australian actor Russell Crowe is very, very good at Twitter. Russell Crowe, isn’t he too busy shearing sheep and tanning leather to bother with tweets? No. And he will not be misquoted by a jokes website.

The Hawkins County School District in East Tennessee has reportedly launched a new district-wide meat inspection program after apparently serving six-year-old pork to their students. “It’s not clear,” WATE reports, “if it was tainted.”

“It’s Jamie Foxx!” The young man standing outside the MGM’s KA Theatre grabbed his girlfriend’s arm. “There! Walking this way!”

When Nancy Page walked into her Rhode Island home last week and found water pouring from the ceiling, she assumed a pipe had burst. No, Nancy. It was a wild turkey who did that to your house.

For every human tragedy offline, there will inevitably be a group of dedicated fuckers trying to make it worse using the internet. Today’s example is the #BaltimoreLootCrew, spreading white supremacist bile and misinformation about the Freddie Gray protests.

In 1994, serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer finally got what was coming to him when fellow inmate Christopher Scarver beat him to death in a prison bathroom. And which of Dahmer’s many crimes finally pushed Scarver over the edge? Being too damn good at pranks.

The Baltimore police department have finished their investigation into Freddie Gray’s death and turned the report over to the Baltimore state’s attorney. The findings will not be made available to the public.

New York City: the city that never sleeps. Ever wonder why that is? It’s because it’s too damn bright out there!

A major science publisher has apologized to the two authors of a journal submission—both women—who were told by a peer reviewer that their paper would have been better if they’d had some “male biologists” helping them.

Kim Jong-un has withdrawn from reported plans to attend a World War II anniversary celebration in Moscow, according to a Kremlin rep. The trip would’ve marked the North Korean leader’s first official trip outside of his country since he assumed power in 2011.

A team of Nepali and U.S. rescue workers discovered 15-year-old Pemba Lama alive beneath the wreckage of a nine-story Kathmandu hotel Thursday, five days after the 7.9 magnitude earthquake rolled through the region, killing thousands and leveling buildings.

About half of the people arrested during the Baltimore protests Monday—some of them members of the press—were just released without charges, NBC News reports.

It’s truly hard to tell who deserves more blame in this scenario: Nick Loeb, Sofia Vergara’s aspiring politician ex-boyfriend, for writing a baldly self-serving op-ed about their frozen embryos—or the New York Times, for publishing it.

“Whatever happened” to Freddie Gray happened “before he was transported,” the family member of one of the officers involved told CNN Wednesday night—just hours after a report was leaked to the Washington Post alleging Gray intentionally injured himself in the transport van.

At least 100 people were arrested in Freddie Gray protests that spread to New York City Wednesday night, ABC News reports.