Sometimes these novelty acts really suck, but this kid is really good once he warms up. Plus it's so cute hearing him sing English songs he learned phonetically.

Failed David Letterman extorter Joe Halderman was more than an inept criminal with an inept legal defense team; he was a severely paranoid inept criminal. He's just saying—who knows if Letterman might have him killed, or whatever?

The New York Post has some choice quotes from Halderman's recorded conversations with Letterman's lawyer, when he was trying to get a couple million to keep quiet about Letterman's affair. He was worried Letterman might have him fired. Or have his house burned down. Or, something else:

The new Toyota Yaris ad recently yanked off of television probably holds the world record for most double entendres spoken in one minute. It's hard to say if this ad makes us want to buy condoms or a car.

The MTA has passed its "doomsday budget" this morning and a "punishing slate of service cuts" will now follow as the agency looks to make up for a $400 million shortfall in its budget. (Also coming soon: even more painfully crowded subways.) But considering your Metrocard will soon sport the word "Optimism" on the back, you should have no problem keeping up a positive attitude, right? [NYT, NY1, previously]

On December 16, 1993 Shannen Doherty — aka Brenda — is fired from Beverly Hills 90210. God, Brenda, why couldn't you control that fiery temper of yours?

• Susan Berresford, the president of the $11 billion Ford Foundation up until 2008 and one of the nation's foremost experts on philanthropy, has settled on a new place. Berresford paid $1.855 million for a two-bedroom co-op at 530 East 86th Street. The apartment first went on the market in August 2008 for $2.325 million. [Cityfile]
• Art consultant Allan Schwartzman has closed on the purchase of a 12th-floor apartment at the Jean Nouvel-designed 100 11th Avenue. The former New Museum curator paid $3.78 million for the three-bedroom spread. [NYO]
• Nicolas Sayegh, a co-founder of International Delights, a company that supplies baked goods to dozens of New York hotels and gourmet stores like Citarella and Zabar's, has paid $3.65 million for a 26th-floor apartment at the Miraval Living building at 515 East 72nd Street. [Cityfile]
• Steven Lax has paid $5.25 million for a three-bedroom condo at the Heritage at Trump Place on the Upper West Side. Update: We identified the wrong Steven Lax in the original version of this post. We regret the error. [Cityfile]

Can you guess what movie this image comes from? Check back for the answer at 4pm today.

The number is a rough estimate — the story today is that his wife has moved out. Also: there may be casinos in New York soon, the LA Times still loves drugs and young people these days are square dancing.

Citigroup chairman Dick Parsons couldn't be bothered to go to the White House on Monday to meet the president—he has an extremely active social life, let's not forget!—but the bank continues to enjoy special treatment in Washington, you'll be pleased to hear. On Friday afternoon, the IRS granted a special exemption that will allow Citi to hold on to a $38 billion tax benefit. [NYT]

Managing editor Rick Stengel announced, on the Today Show, that the Federal Reserve chairman gets the nod. He Noted that Bernanke led "the most powerful, least understood government force shaping our lives."

• A "bone-thin" Elin Nordegren moved a big bunch of belongings out of the Florida mansion she shares (shared?) with Tiger Woods yesterday; she's supposedly headed "somewhere warm" for Christmas. As for Tiger, it seems he's going to spend Christmas with "the boys." Maybe Rachel Uchitel will stop by for a visit? According to tabloid reports, Tiger is still in contact with Mistress No. 1, and is hoping to squeeze a little time to get together. [NYP, NYDN, People, Us]
• Lindsay Lohan may have to put off any more trips to rescue exploited children living in Third World countries. A judge has ordered her to start attending her alcohol education program classes "every single week" because, well, "it's been long enough." [Us]
• Why did Alex Rodriguez and Kate Hudson break up? According to a highly dubious story that one of the slugger's pals has been telling the tabloids, it was because Hudson wanted to be on camera when she sat in the stands at Yankee Stadium, whereas A-Rod really wanted someone "more interested in building a long-term relationship than just building their profile." [Us]
• As for Hudson, she's dealing with the split from A-Rod by spending some quality time with her movie star parents, Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell. Goldie turned up as Kate's date to the Nine premiere last night. [HL, DM]

Judi Giuliani, former mayor Rudy Giuliani's third wife and the woman he started dating when he was still married to his second, is turning 55 today. Actor Benjamin Bratt turns 46. 60 Minutes correspondent Lesley Stahl is 68. TV producer/writer Steven Bochco (LA Law, NYPD Blue) is turning 66. Movie director James Mangold (Girl, Interrupted, Walk the Line) is 46. Fallen hip hop producer Scott Storch is turning 36. Rhode Island Governor Donald Carcieri is 42. And Michael Lohan Jr., the brother of Lindsay and son of Michael and Dina, turns 22 today.

Elin eyes an alternate source of revenue, A-Rod dumped K-Hud for being a famewhore, Tiger paparazzi pics are at a premium, Courtney Love fights with Perez. Wednesday gossip may look like a gun, but it is really a telescope.

The two topics that have garnered us the most spittle-flecked emails lately have been Sarah Palin and Scientology. We've picked a selection of the finest, juiciest nuts so you can judge for yourself which group is more rabid.

And that doesn't include the cost of their military jets. Or domestic trips. They, and their spouses, are not skimping on the mini-bar. Or anything else. Massages! $52 whisky! Three extra hotel rooms for storing sandwiches!

Everyone lies about their music taste and secretly loves Celine Dion.

The news that Tiger mistress #1 was not just a mistress—but a madam—has provided a generation of supple young minds with a new dream job: "nightlife concierge" to the rich and sexy.

In the grand tradition of the last two guys, Obama has written a "personal" letter to megalomaniac North Korea dictator Kim Jong-Il. But will Kimmy agree to go steady? Welcome to the middle school dance of international diplomacy.

Last time we saw Miley Cyrus' little sister, the tyke was posing with stripper poles and wearing patent-leather thigh-high boots. And now: Noah performs an exuberant ass-slapping version of Akon's "Smack That," while Miley and friends cheer her on.

Nikke Finke is digging through the nasty negative campaigning that fills her inbox as the Oscars, Golden Globes, etc. draw near. The most salacious smear: Leonardo DiCaprio bought Tobey Maguire his Brothers Golden Globe nomination... with Blu-Ray DVD players?