Adam Hanft writes about business strategy and stuff for some semi-respectable news outlets, but he made the mistake of hiring Ronn [sic] Torossian's 5WPR to get him some press, and they are making him sound like a moron. Big time!

We've unwrapped each of your terrible tales of yuletide terror like a little gifts and we wouldn't return any of them. Our stocking was suitably full of familial dysfunction, but only one of your tales can be our favorite.

Each member of the Cole family weighs between 3 and 400 pounds, and the kids haven't reached twenty yet. All are in serious need of lifestyle adjustments in order to live long, fulfilling lives. But will they?

Looks like we stumped you all on today's Freeze Frame. Click through for the answer.

Today at Gawker.TV, Al Roker's not making much sense lately, Teen Mom continues to scare us from doing the nasty, a wedding proposal on the Weather Channel, another new chef show, and Good Morning America attempts to explain Keyboard Cat.

There are a few TV shows where the stupidity of the American people is featured regularly—Maury is one example; the fourth hour of Today, another. Occasionally, Wheel of Fortune provides us with such moments, and yesterday's show delivered.

The hardest part about working for Bonnie Fuller at Us Weekly was pretending to care about the often unknowable, usually banal questions that filled story meetings. Now at HollywoodLife, Fuller's Twitter account allows you to experience her relentess short-attention-span curiosity.

• You may not be able to tune into Fox as of tomorrow. The feud between News Corp. and Time Warner Cable has yet to be resolved, and if a deal isn't reached in the next day, you'll have to go elsewhere for your Simpsons reruns. [THR]
• There was no Christmas miracle for Harvey and Bob Weinstein this year. With Nine underperforming at the box office since its release two weeks ago, the brothers are now on the hunt for more cash to stay solvent. [Reuters, NYP]
• Condé Nast's war on the mystery hackers who managed to infiltrate the company's computer system in recent months is intensifying. [NYP]
• Remember when magazine readers would write letters to the editor? It turns out it isn't the most popular communication channel these days. [WWD]
• Susan Boyle is still No. 1 on the music charts. Well done, America. [EW]
• Sex doesn't sell when it comes to marketing movies. Allegedly. [CNN]

Government tax revenues are down. Nobody can get a good mortgage. We're resorting to trade protectionism. Stocks are lower. Old folks can't afford health care.

Peter Kaplan's obit for David Levine: "he was the greatest caricaturist of his era."

Peter Feld counted nine separate references to The Flintstones (a primetime tv cartoon from the 1960s) in Maureen Dowd's op-ed columns of the 2000s. But what other tv shows did Maureen compare everything to, in this decade?

Because it's good.

You can now zoom down the New York State Thruway and surf the web at the same time! Thanks State Thruway Authority! [NYT]

Sam Tsui—a member of the popular College Musical YouTube series—made waves in July with his epic, must-be-seen-to-be-believed Michael Jackson medley. Now, Tsui takes on the Deity of Fierce herself, Lady Gaga—and it rocks.

Who knew there were so many humiliating accidents to be had in the gym? Today, yet another great weighlifting fail. Now with squats!

There was a major terrorism incident this week, which means ABC News' chronically wrong investigative reporter Brian Ross rushed in with a highly suspect blockbuster story about it. This time, he claimed former Gitmo inmates planned the Christmas bombing attempt.

In The New York Review of Books, Jonathan Raban argues that Sarah Palin's popularity is based on her oversimplification of economic principles. (And, also, hating the Jews.)

In your democratic Wednesday media column: Letters to the editor are alive and well, the Washington Times sports section teeters, Hu Shuli rebounds, and Carl Kasell takes up whittling.

The eight-guidos-in-a-house reality show is MTV's biggest hit in years, but this year Christmas and New Year's Eves land on the show's Thursday night slot. Should they air a show no one will watch or risk further cast overexposure?

Not that this should come as news, but socialite Tinsley Mortimer isn't really dating Constantine Maroulis, the long-haired sixth-place finalist on the fourth season of American Idol. It's a "showmance," which means Maroulis signed a contract with the CW to play the role of the Tinz's love interest on Empire State, her upcoming reality show.