The Beaver magazine changes title: "For whatever reasons, [youth] are turned off by the name."

Axe just released this faux infomercial in hopes of getting guys to scrub their nether-reigons with what's essentially a jazzed-up loofah. Well, if hot girls and immature euphemisms can't sell a nut-scrubber, then good God, what will?

Sure, for most of you, it was the monologue you were dying to see... but for others, for the die hards on Team Conan, the show didn't pay off until a few minutes in.

Because some people have yet to get the message that it's not the best idea to talk on your cell phone, apply makeup and eat lunch while you drive, the Transportation Department is sending out "an army of people that will be traveling the country persuading people to put their cellphones away while they're driving." Yes, Distraction.gov, the "official US government website for distracted driving" has arrived! [AP]

CollegeHumor's just released their latest magnum opus: Internet Bridge Troll. The clip gives the internet trolls we all know and hate a classic fairytale twist. Pretty funny stuff, but how do you satirize internet trolls and not directly reference YouTube?!

Before each shift, a chef in Charleston, SC vacuum seals his iPhone in plastic by running it through a CryoVac. Now the phone is safe from all water damage throughout his shift. The kicker? The phone remains fully functional.

Sarah Palin's debut as Fox celebupunditician? Tonight's O'Reilly Factor. Bill will be very nice to her and make her comfortable, and it will probably not be that embarrassing. But on the other hand, the gal doesn't really do live TV.

Haha: Some ad design person put some top secret work he'd done for Ocean Spray on his own personal portfolio website, leading to this comically threatening phone call from an Ocean Spray corporate enforcer. Listen to it at Agency Spy.

Startup founder Sam Lessin's reputation as an entrepreneur was already overshadowed by his partying in Cyprus and very wealthy father. Now a key investor has spilled the real reason he invested in Lessin's Drop.io. D'oh.

Houston's KIAH TV reported yesterday on a couple who won $10,000 after tying for a kissing competition. They overcame a 9-inch height difference (and palpable awkwardness) and kissed for fifteen hours without eating, drinking or being allowed bathroom breaks.

William Shatner and Richard Simmons: each ridiculous in their own right. What happens when you put them together on live television? This moment where two hilarious people—if only for a brief moment—were gloriously united as one.

Casey Johnson was buried in New Jersey earlier today. As you could have guessed, Tila Tequila wasn't invited to attend the private service. But that's probably just as well since she's been busy today launching her own record label. [NYDN]

Each week, Current's Viral Video Film School compiles a tightly edited clip of hilarious viral videos. This week's compilation? Morons engaging in moronic activities with snow. It is all kinds of win.

Ron Jeremy hates the internet. But he loves sucking his own penis.

NBC's late-night mess just got a little messier. Conan O'Brien says he is not willing to bump his show to 12:05am, since doing so "will seriously damage what I consider to be the greatest franchise in the history of broadcasting." But he isn't necessarily leaving NBC and says he hasn't received an offer to go elsewhere. Your move, Zucker. [NYT]

Oh look, yet another advertisement is using the metaphor of multiple planes crashing as a visual representation of the seriousness of some other cause. Fiery death: That's Allstate's stand. Just, maybe, use a different metaphor? [Copyranter. Click to enlarge.]

Oh, everyone says this thing's gonna end every year, don't they? But this year it's serious, guys. Famousest judge Simon Cowell is putting down the Coke cup in May, and that absolutely means the end. The show cannot go on.

Last night How I Met Your Mother showed Neil Patrick Harris' character Barney extol his love of clothes in a song and dance number after hanging out with Tim Gunn. Wait isn't Barney supposed to be straight? Well, kinda...

So on last night's Bachelor we found out that Rozlyn slept with a producer of the show. *Gasp!* The show built it up to no end, as it does with everything. But the best part of this "bombshell?" The reactions!

CBS promised a whole generation of theater nerds, internet dweebs, and pop culture dorks an "all dancing, all singing" episode of How I Met Your Mother. If you don't believe anybody got ripped off, this post will prove you wrong.