Which epic movie director specializes in fucking make-up artists in his trailer on set? "He leaves the windows open so everyone can hear him," said one colleague. "It's the most macho bullshit." The stunt backfired on a recent movie set because his squeeze was married.

Elitist Obama caves again! Glamorously incompetent Desirée Rogers' replacement as White House social secretary wears khaki and used to work at a truck stop. Michelle will be trading her finely tailored Vivienne Westwood slacks for velour tracksuits by year's end.

This Derrick sketch, starring DC Pierson and Ellie Kemper, will make you cringe if you happen to be of the male persuasion. If Ellie looks familiar than it means you've probably been watching this season of The Office.

It's your first ceremonial appearance since the New York Times definitively crushed your political career. You're the laughingstock of the state and weighing whether to resign. Perfect moment to pose in front of Paris Hilton and a belching dog!

Which A-list actress has a habit of politely excusing herself for cocaine binges between interviews at press junkets? The actress, with lustrous blonde hair extensions, indulged so much at one recent event, the rest of the day had to be canceled because her extensions were falling out and her nose was bloody.

Spotted at 28th Street and Park Avenue last night: Actor Liev Schreiber hopping out of his car to chat with the NYPD after an apparent ding with a truck. A citizen paparazzo hid behind a scaffold and snapped a pic.

LiLo is tardy to the party. Gabourey Sidibe says 'no' to Oprah. Nicole Kidman loses a role to a 17-year-old Disney star. Sandra Bullock prepares for the Oscars by stocking up on tissue. Saturday gossip deals with rejection.

We found out this week that Neil Patrick Harris would provide the voice of a Smurf in a motion picture, but does anybody remember when he voiced Spider-Man for the grossly under-appreciated single season MTV offering back in '03?

At LAX, in cabs, restaurants and traffic jams the talk of Los Angeles is one thing. Oscar weekend. We've been bumbling around in Tuesday's underwear trying to figure out what in fuck is going on. Here's what we've found.

Meet Kevin. He's homeless. Every evening he trawls Hollywood looking for stars and their associated paparazzi. Oscar weekend will be huge for him—because Kevin has figured out how to get celebrities to give him big money.

The complaint is constantly made about female comedians that all they joke about is "period, period, fallopian tubes." Dave Foley subverts our gender expectations by taking on the 'taboo' subject himself.

We'll be liveblogging the Oscars on Sunday evening. In the meantime, Gawker will be on the ground in LA, covering the build up to the big event (and causing a little havoc along the way, hopefully). Do join us.

[First Lady Michelle Obama told all of America's youth that she would turn this car around right now when trying to run a soccer clinic for D.C. youth today. Image via Getty]

TONIGHT: Sarah Jessica Parker learns about her ancestors, a biker mom gets a wardrobe revamp, James Marsters appears on Caprica, the Independent Spirit Awards (hosted by Eddie Izzard!), and The Soup awards the craziest pop culture moments.

On Jimmy Kimmel Live, little hamster children's toys are replacing Oscar Nominees as they race to predict who will win on Sunday. Last night, Jimmy rigged the race for Best Picture, throwing out the underdog and letting another pet win.

Today we looked at ABC News and their Toyota Death Car shenanigans, and two commenters were exasperated with the fear-mongering that is the news media these days. Here's how they expressed their rage.

Merry Oscar Weekend! Your usual compendium of death and sex and television is below.

Let's talk about "the rules of the road." When you're sharing a car with others, certain things are acceptable in emergency situations, and certain things aren't. In that spirit, enjoy this clip from the sketch comedy series "Your Bad Self."