Twenty year-old Jennifer Mercado was a juror on a credit card thief's case. So she stole a fellow juror's credit card. And used it on her lunch hour. And came back to court with the stuff she bought. Winner. [NYDN]

A stirring rendition of "Danny Boy," brought to you by Beaker, Animal and the Swedish Chef. Beaker really hits those high notes! And Animal, as always, brings the visceral charm. I am welling up. Great job, guys.

Ellen showcases many internet marvels and today was no exception. Here's "Crystals Wings," a small-town Irish group. We have to wonder about the boy who sings alongside his mother and sister about drinking Tequila and talking dirty in Spanish, though...

Today we cracked the spine of a Martha Stewart tell-all book, leaving many of you pondering the nature of this WASPiest of WASPs. One commenter waxed poetic about Martha's driving and what it says of her place in society.

Do you feel love for your fellow man today? Allow me to do something about that: here are some teabaggers throwing dollar bills at a guy with Parkinsons who has the temerity to support health care reform. [Via]

Now that everyone's been laid off, Donald Trump is going to stop harassing celebrities and use The Apprentice to give normal people jobs again. Well, just one job, and it's with him. And not normal people, famewhores. Same difference. Trump!

We're not inclined to believe anything sociopaths say, but Natalie seems very confident of the existence of a video of Kate...ahem...enacting upon herself an act which would be of interest to readers of Perez Hilton.

Do you know about whiskey? You already have so many leatherbound books and an apartment that smells of rich mahogany. The next step is learning what to pour into that empty snifter.

Anyone who remembers TMNT remembers that they were remarkably adept at being cool, and rude, and better at delivering easy puns than successfully hurting their menagerie of opponents. Here's what happens when the jokes run out.

High revenues and relatively low costs have made TechCrunch 50 the envy of its rivals, competing tech conferences like Demo and the Wall Street Journal's D. If only its founders could stop fighting like rabid dogs.

Tracy Morgan will host Scare Tactics again, My Boys will see some casting changes, Wendy Williams got her show renewed, more funny babies are a-brewin', and will we be watching Tiger Woods and the Masters in 3D?

Texas hacker remotely immobilizes 100 cars using electronic repo software.

Everybody knows Facebook is only as good as the network one builds. Once one's mom infiltrates said network, all hell breaks loose. Back of the Class' heir metal anthem "My Mom's on Facebook" diagnoses the damage.

House Republicans are so spiteful that they are now voting in unison against symbolic resolutions congratulating college basketball teams—because Steny Hoyer went to the University of Maryland.

The ad below for some Australian beer explains exactly when you know you need a beer: when your balls tingle. Yea, maybe in Australia.

This Four Lions bomb is about to drop (in theaters!), and it looks really good. But is a comedy about terrorism too soon? No, because it captures humor in a might-be-insensitive-but-not-really-it's-making-fun-of-terrorists-not-victims-so-take-that-stick-outta-your-ass kinda way. Trailer inside.

Thanks to you, the taxpayer—and following a bit of controversy—Goldman Sachs moved into its new "global world headquarters" in Battery Park City late last year. The best part about it? No rats! At least for the moment.

[The actress at the New York premiere of her new movie "Marley & Me 2: Zombie Dog"; image via INF]

Most circuses don't include Nissans from the 90's driving at high speeds on a wall so broken down and flimsy that you can see daylight through it. Then again, this isn't like most circuses, because this circus is in India.

Pornographer-scholar Larry Flynt is writing a "sweeping account of how the sex lives of American presidents have had a tangible effect on American policy." Was Benjamin Harrison's timidity on civil service reform related to gonorrhea? Probably! We'll soon find out.