On Wednesday, a semi-truck described by multiple outlets as being “full of sharks” crashed in Volusia County, Florida, ejecting one of the fish and killing it, WESH reports.

On Wednesday, authorities announced that big-dicked killer Richard Matt and his accomplice David Sweat (a killer whose dick is of indeterminate size) may have penetrated the border into Vermont, CNN reports.

Corpulent coke rapper Rick Ross, who’s made millions off tales of moving weight, was arrested outside of Atlanta on Wednesday after officers allegedly found a “misdemeanor amount” of marijuana in his car, the Associated Press reports.

If Joyce “Tillie” Mitchell, the woman who allegedly helped convicted murderers Richard Matt and David Sweat escape from a maximum security prison, thought she was going to get through this ordeal without some tea being spilled, her ex-coworker Nancy Hewitt wants her to know that she has another thing coming.

Happy 14th birthday, Sasha.

Waging jihad from a concrete compound with only three of your wives gets lonely. Thank God for “fairly extensive” video collections of porn, which Osama bin Laden allegedly had, and which may or may not now be in U.S. intelligence hands. But you’ll never know, because Uncle Sam’s sticky fingers aren’t sharing.

The attorney for disgraced former McKinney police officer Eric Casebolt said today that her client “never intended to mistreat” anyone and “regrets that his conduct portrayed him and his department in a negative light.”

Staying abreast of Boston’s rousing Olympic spirit: only 39% of people in Massachusetts now support the idea of holding the 2024 Olympics in Boston. Fortunately, support among the Olympic Committee itself is no doubt even lower.

Keith Broomfield, a 36-year-old Massachusetts native, has died in combat assisting Syrian Kurdish soldiers in a skirmish against forces of the Islamic State, the State Department confirmed Wednesday.

Have ever thought to yourself, “What the fuck, who actually says that?” while looking at Facebook? Then you’re probably familiar with the blogger Matt Walsh.

Last year, the U.S. men’s national soccer team was eliminated from the World Cup in the first knockout round of the international tournament. The disqualifying match, played against the very good Belgian national team, was watched by twenty-two million people, making it the second-highest-viewed soccer match ever aired on American television. Belgium, to the dismay of these 22 million people, beat the U.S. 2 to 1. America, as a result, folded up its interest in soccer as a national rallying sport and put it back in the closet for another four years. Maybe in 2018, we’d have a chance to right our past wrongs, and to prove to the world that we could be a dominant soccer nation, too.

Before you run your mouth on Twitter, think to yourself: would I be okay with some scared intern in digital marketing using my own words to sell their dumb product? That’s what happened to this young woman. Beware!

Now in its fifth day, the manhunt for escaped convicts Richard Matt and David Sweat has shifted back to Dannemora, the upstate New York town that houses the Clinton Correctional Facility.

If you are not in a union, you are leaving hundreds of thousands of dollars in lifetime earnings on the table. And the CEO is tilting that table, so it all spills into his pocket.

One thousand life-size standup cutouts of Nicki Minaj’s booty-baring photo from the cover of her “Anaconda” single were carefully, lovingly arranged outside a Helsinki, Finland cathedral early Wednesday morning. Why? Why not?

Some competitors thrive on being the underdog. Some find humor and vigor in humiliating setbacks. And some are just glass-jawed failure artists, their piled losses more befitting than any theoretical small victory. Rick Santorum is the latter, having reached mediocrity’s apogee while eating lunch alone on Monday.

Get up.

Officer Involved, a project by data artist Josh Begley at the Intercept, collects Google Maps imagery from the scenes of every reported police killing in 2015 so far, as documented by the Guardian. The project, Teju Cole writes in the introduction, “is an immersion in the environment of someone’s last moments.”

Steven Schwarzman, the private equity billionaire and human PR disaster who once compared raising taxes on the rich to Hitler’s invasion of Poland, has some thoughts on how to prevent the next financial crisis. What would you guess they are?

Three militants, including one wearing an explosive belt, approached the entrance to the Temple of Karnak in Luxor, Egypt, this morning but were stopped by police. The temple is a popular tourist attraction. While no tourists were hurt, the militant did detonate his bomb, wounding two police officers and two civilians, per The BBC.