The Associated Press reports that outlaw country singer Randy Howard was killed on Tuesday in a shootout with a bounty hunter. The bondsman had come to detain the singer after he missed a court appearance.

Former comedian Dick Costolo will “step down” (Ha Ha) from his CEO perch at Twitter, a company that only recently started making money and hasn’t been making enough of it. His replacement is Jack Dorsey, former poet, and notorious monster and screwer of friends.

A Cleveland judge said on Thursday that there’s probable cause to charge the police officer who last year fatally shot 12-year-old Tamir Rice with murder, manslaughter, and reckless homicide.

A breach of U.S. government computers—presumably launched by China—is looking immensely worse than first expected. The AP reports that a federal employee’s union now says literally every single government worker is the victim of an enormous personal information heist.

Looking for some new shirts?

This week’s sexist idiot is Nobel Prize winner Tim Hunt, a biochemist and honorary professor at University College London. Hunt, whose nose hair is longer than the list of fucks I give about him, said the following, via the Times:

A brave, stupid young man in Rayong, Thailand “wanted to imitate Jackass,” Tomo News Today reports, so he had some friends pull a nest of fire ants off a tree and shake those angry little fuckers directly into his underpants. The background music is gnarly, but not gnarly enough to erase the sound of his infinite screams.

Busting the spectre of communism is hard enough without your boys ragging you for still being single. But still, alleged presidential candidate and Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-S.C.) must endure moments like the one today when a colleague’s quip about Graham’s luck with the “hoes” got picked up on a nearby mic.

Duggars be damned: It turns out presidential Easter ham Mike Huckabee has another alleged child molester in his coterie. A prolific co-author of Huck’s and other Christian moralists’ books left his church and escaped prosecution when the statute of limitations ran out on his alleged sexual assaults of a young girl.

I can’t find a picture of Paul Moran that I’m within my rights to post on this blog, so I’m going to tell you two things about him, and you’re going to imagine what he looks like. First, he was arrested recently for going fully nude at a place called “mushroom beach.” Second, when asked about it by a reporter, he answered, “I can’t let anyone kill my vibe.”

Several doctors who treated Germanwings co-pilot Andreas Lubitz before he intentionally crashed Flight 9525 in March felt he was unfit to fly but were unable to inform the airline of their findings because of German privacy laws, according to the French prosecutor leading the investigation into the tragedy.

1943? 2013? 2015? Recently a set of black and white photos published in a BuzzFeed post titled “Black And White Photos Of The Tony Awards That’ll Make You Question What Year It Is” made us question what year it was. These black and white photos will do the same. They will make you wonder: What year is it?

Wow, big time panic, egg prices have skyrocketed to an all-time high: as much as $3 a dozen. Oh my god, crisis, this means that eggs are... still cheap as hell! Cheapest protein on the market, folks. Eggs—still a great deal!

A Texas man who was twice arrested in 2013 for having sex with a horse named Nadia has apparently struck again. Police say Cirilo Castillo, 45, was caught back in February in the same barn he’d been ordered to stay away from, once again attempting to violate a horse. He was arraigned this month on criminal trespassing charges.

Lost in the sea of “low-value dry dick randos” is a less-discussed dick identity and sexual practice, Small Penis Humiliation (SPH). Aficionados exercise their fetish online on Tumblrs, forums and Reddit, through webcams and chat programs, as well as in person.

Bloodhounds have picked up the scent of the two convicted murderers who escaped from an upstate New York prison earlier this week, according to law enforcement officials who spoke with ABC News and CNN. The scent was detected in Dannemora, the town that houses Clinton Correctional Facility, and has reportedly has led authorities to an area where Richard Matt and David Sweat bedded down after their jailbreak.

Your very latest New York City apartment hunting intelligence report: hope is lost.

Lance Armstrong, one of the biggest dicks and frauds in the history of men, is shocked that people cannot forget what a dick and a fraud he is—even now, months after he let his girlfriend take the fall for “partying” and hitting cars. This guy! He literally thinks he is “Voldemort,” the villain in the “Harry Potter” novels.

“It may be true that the law cannot make a man love me but it can keep him from lynching me and I think that is pretty important.” —Martin Luther King, Jr. Wall Street Journal, November 13, 1962

An aged New York doctor and his wife were arrested at their Upper West Side home on Tuesday, accused of supplying the city’s black market with over 3 million oxycodone pills since 2009, USA Today reports.