[After a long, hard day of shopping, Kelly Osbourne and dog retreat to the safety of a motor vehicle. Image via X17 Agency.]

Good news for Lady Gaga stalkers: One of your own penetrated Gaga's inner sanctum, broke into her dressing room, "stalkerishly touch[ed]" her clothes, stole her itinerary, and put it on his blog. Bad news for Lady Gaga: See above.

Tailgating before a Judas Priest concert, a motley crew of mostly shirtless mid-Atlantic metalheads unites to drink, and yell, and throw the sign of the horns—worshiping the devil music; achieving ecstasy just hanging out.

The final ignominy has befallen the plucky/wildly over-leveraged island nation. Pizza Hut have announced that they're closing two of their three Reykjavik restaurants. McDonald's closed theirs earlier this year. Both companies blamed the collapse of the Icelandic economy.

Workers at the Carlsberg beer factory in Denmark were allowed to drink as much as they wanted. Management tried to limit them to three pints at lunch. They slurred out their displeasure in no unshertain... unshert... uncertain terms.

Gorilla Coffee—Park Slope coffee house and bean supplier to indie Brooklyn dripperies—appears to have suffered a total employee walk-out last night. What kind of sweatshop was their "oppressive hipster-in-chief" (a local blog's designation) running?

James Franco's a classy, handsome man with some serious acting chops. It's a good thing he still knows how to act like a jackass and poke fun at himself by making great videos like this. Rock on Franco, rock on.

A Vatican lawyer, responding to Associated Press reports that the pope had personally advocated slowing down the defrocking of a convicted child rapist, said the case was handled "expeditiously not by modern standards, but by the standards at the time."

The woman who returned her adopted son to Moscow, with a note, may face charges.

Four days after announcing his divorce split from Jenny McCarthy on Twitter, Jim Carrey returned to the medium to support Tiger Woods and attack Elin. Is Jim sending coded messages about his own divorce? Let's overanalyze.

In a speech last night Sarah Palin, the former vice-presidential candidate and current figurehead for idiocy, ramped up her attacks on Obama and showcased her new catchphrase: "Don't retreat! RELOAD!" Which, she insists, is not a call for violence.

West Virginia's last four missing miners have been found dead.

She has to costar in a movie with Miley Cyrus first, though. Did Amy Winehouse's boobs spring another leak? Jersey Shore gets banned from clubs. Wizard of Oz's coroner munchkin dies. Saturday's gossip roundup defies belief.

Kitty Kelley has turned her unauthorized-biography attentions to Oprah. And found a secretive and controlling figure who will not give her own mother her phone number.

They say he's the fastest thing alive, and this premiere episode may have been cranked out faster than any other quality ABC cartoon. Watch this classic interpretation of SEGA's money making mascot, and find out why it almost never was.

Poland's president and 95 others have died in Russian plane crash.

As this video proves, Cosby has always been Cosby. His tirades are funny and simultaneously incredibly pure and innocent. Check him out as he talks about the movies, monsters and cowboys.

Jamie makes a bet that he can teach 1,000 people to cook in one week. Will he win or lose? Will they be willing to cook what he wants to teach them?

Today's Week in Video features Slash's roguish pin on Leno, a Taiwanese boy who can sing like Whitney, a faux-viral webcam video, and more! Check it out, comment, you know how this works.

For some inexplicable reason, Creed performed Pauly D's phone call for MTV.com. In this video we learn two things: 1. There's no difference between real life Creed and his office counterpart. 2. There's a certain poetry to Jersey Shore arguments.