The Holy See's website has guidelines posted for bishops to report "crimes to the appropriate authorities" if their colleagues are molesting children, but they lack a zero tolerance policy for offenders. Outside of the clergy, few are impressed. [AP, image]

Reporters are tired of the Attorney General's late night, off the record phone calls, and want some face time. Cuomo doesn't seem to care what they think. So what are these reporters going to do about it?

The first date of Conan O'Brien's live tour was tonight in Eugene, Oregon. If you did not happen to be there, Conan O'Brien unveiled his newest character: The copyright-dodging 'Self-Pleasuring Panda.' One audience member captured it on film. SPOILER ALERT.

Michelle "Bombshell" McGee has already defended herself in writing. Today, she took her damage control efforts to an Australian television show. Turns out she's "sorry" for the "embarrassment" she's caused Sandra. And she showed off Jesse James' text messages.

But he does, according to a former "executive assistant." Kayden Nguyen has sued Seagal for more than $1 million, claiming that he sexually assaulted her. Oh, and also that he hired two young Russian to be his sex slaves.

Joy Behar and her panel gathered tonight to discuss Conan O'Brien's move to TBS. Many question the fact that George Lopez is being bumped to a later time, just like O'Brien was. Inside, Behar and her panel dissect the situation.

Earlier this evening, Jay Leno brought out his longtime band-leader Kevin Eubanks who confirmed months-old rumors that he will leave The Tonight Show after 18 years of, in his words, playing America into a commercial break. Video inside.

Tonight on the Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert interviewed Wikileaks founder Julian Assange. We were wondering how Colbert would handle a subject as serious as a video showing 12 people being killed. Well, he handled it pretty seriously.

Tonight, The Daily Show's Wyatt Cenac profiled John Pierce, an "open carrier" who faces strong opposition to his decision to publicly brandish his weapon. What resulted was a hilarious comparison of Pierce's fight to that of America's gays. Video inside.

Meet Amber, a nineteen year old college freshman with a debilitating genetic disorder called Neurofibromatosis that affects her nervous system and one very big dream: to wear a pair of skinny jeans. Video of her heart-warming tale inside.

If there's anything science is good at, it's discovering new, strange ways for us to get cancer. Scientists have found a new one: Turning on the lights when you take a late-night trip to the bathroom. Thank you, science.

Former Georgia Supreme Court Chief Justice Leah Ward Sears was added to Obama's Supreme Court Short List™ today. In addition to her considerable judicial experience and "relatively liberal" outlook, she also apparently likes to edit her own Wikipedia page.

Kate Gosselin is still on Dancing with the Stars. Why? I have no idea. Because she sucks. She sucks at dancing, she sucks at practicing, she sucks at feigning likability... she just sucks. Inside, video of Gosselin on tonight's show.

For more than a century, scientists thought Madagascar's Sibree's dwarf lemur was extinct. But researchers from McGill University captured two recently, while looking for other kinds of dwarf lemurs. An important advancement in the field of OMFG WANT ONE! [SciAm]

In this raunchy segment, Louis C.K. ponders his relationship with male genitalia as well as the meaning of the phrase "suck a bag of d***s."

Bill O'Reilly is apparently a huge fan of Al Gore. But Al Gore won't come on his show, so Bill is sad. So sad that he sent his producer Jesse Watters to ambush him!

Police in Athens, Tennessee were questioning 30 year-old Robert Sherk in his car about unlicensed door-to-door meat-selling. They spotted a half-smoked joint! Sherk swallowed it while police watched. Now he's in jail. Many interesting things going on here. [AP]

Kim Severson pioneered dark food humor; Young Platinum pioneered a new level of Twitter transparency; and Melissa Gilbert gave Sac-town a pioneer's compliment. The Twitterati led the bandwagons.

Horray for Monday! Dorota's getting married! And following in her baby-out-of-wedlock footsteps, Zoe might be pregnant on Nurse Jackie. I can't wait to see what kind of ridiculous ensues from Zoe's paranoia. It's a good night for TV, people.

The National Enquirer didn't win a Pulitzer today for its reporting on John Edwards' baby mama drama. How's the tabloid coping with defeat? Just after the results were announced, we called Barry Levine, the Enquirer's executive editor, to find out.