South Park has shown that it excels at making fun of celebrities for their egomaniacal nature and of the oversensitive reverence paid to religious figures. Last night's episode brought both together and the result was simply magical.

John Goodman was on The View this morning, and made a series of terrible puns that even left the ladies feeling a little lost for words. His demeanor showed he hasn't deviated too far from his role on Roseanne.

After McDonald's and the Black Eyed Peas, America's most successful cultural exports are the Bloods and Crips. Londoners have recognized that our gangs are much stronger brands! But they're doing Blue-on-Red gang war the UK way.

Now's a great time for workaholic techies to hire nannies so they can spend more time at the office: Top Silicon Valley babysitters are 20 percent off, thanks to the recession. Their pain is your gain, startup founders.

Continuing the trend of talented kids claiming songs for their own, New York City's PS22 chorus performs Beach House's indie hit "Zebra" to precocious perfection after one day's practice. Their emotion and, yes, soul, makes their unintentional hipness truly endearing.

In Switzerland, parents hire "Evil Clown" Dominic Deville to stalk their children for a week, leave them threatening notes, and finally attack them with a cake in the face, for their birthday. Military neutrality has a dark side. [Metro UK]

Hey, there's a Tea Party going on in Washington DC right now. Old white people are responsibly protesting socialism and also the fact that our president is Kenyan. Pic via Dave Weigel. (One more from Ana Marie Cox!)

Vogue's main geigh had more interesting metaphors than ever last night, solidifying his reputation as the greatest thing on America's Next Top Model. Also, a groundbreaking detente and an update on my invitation to take ALT to lunch.

Season to season, the contestants of Tyra's little model competition have been woefully ignorant of the fashion world. Stumped by Tinsley Mortimer, the girls are blissfully unaware of Karl Lagerfeld, love Michael Kors, and assume Louis Vuitton is still alive.

Today in quintessential sentences from The Washington Post's Dana Milbank: "Legal merits aside, trying the terrorist leader in New York would be a political disaster — something everybody seems to grasp but Holder." Hah. Way to tackle the important bit.

Crocs lost $227 million in the past two years. The bad news: Crocs still exists.

In this awesome medley of Justin Timberlake songs, two guys craft a song using nothing but their squeaky voices and their digital companions.

Michael J. Fox was on Good Morning America imparting some of the lessons he learned through his role in Back To The Future. Crushing everyone's childhood dreams, he let the world know that hover-boards do not actually exist.

Yay for double elimination! That's how this show should work always. Yes last night two of our dear friends went home and we couldn't be happier with the results. Well, maybe a little.

Message from the economists at the Federal Reserve Bank of New York: although the recession is mostly over here in New York, our economy won't recover until Wall Street starts hiring again. So fuck everyone except Wall Street, as usual.

A new study of future math teachers around the world gave Americans a grade of "C" when it comes to being smart in math, by math teacher standards. Which is just fine. Until you see who beat us.

Jazzercise founder Judy Sheppard Missett gets intense about her workout, bouncing her "boogie body" as shouts frantically in time. Jazz-handing and shrieking positive reinforcement like a manic banshee, she is terrifying and wonderful—a real-life Kristen Wiig character.

Heidi Montag says Adam DiVello touched her plastic body inappropriately. The Larry-King-had-sex-with-his-sister-in-law drama continues. Cindy Adams loves Jersey Shore. Charlie Sheen shaved his head and Kate Hudson got a boob job. Thursday's gossip wants its old body back.

A "magic trick" is not what it seems for this guy's girlfriend, who ends up getting stuck holding a pail of water above her head with a broom handle. Girl, welcome to pranksville. Population: you.

Wonderful, a lengthy GQ profile of Lou Dobbs. The millionaire Harvard-educated television celebrity and populist champion on the middle-class is totally not as bad as you think! (Also: he is maybe running for president!)