Even the flawed Politico-sponsored "exit poll" after last Tax Day's Tea Party showed that basically all the Tea Partiers voted for Bush and McCain. So let's keep constantly polling them and desperately trying to win their favor, ok, media outlets?

New jeans cleverly accentuate chubby derrieres with come-hither eyeballs, chomping goose heads, and what appears to be a full-on monkey ass-mural.

Kevin Daum writes books about business and marketing. He is not a New York Times bestselling author. That did not stop him from getting "New York Times Best Seller" tattooed on his chest (backwards).

I cannot wait for April 26, when Shanghai's Obama Entertainment Club opens. This is surely why Obama constantly bows to Chinese people. Visit the official website (© 2010 Obarma Club) for some awesome embedded music that you cannot turn off.

Kendra, she's just like us! Just minutes after vowing to begin a new diet, she passes by a candy factory and whines like a child. If nothing else, this clip will remind you why you skip by E! while channel-flipping.

The faux-news report begins, "In a desperate attempt to fill 24 hours of programming, here's some bullshit that happened somewhere today" where "residents were shocked to see this fairly common thing happening." We couldn't have said it better ourselves.

Fresh off her Playboy pictorial, Spitzer superfriend Ashley Dupre sat down for an interview and explained that she doesn't talk about the fact that she has a boyfriend, which is why the story's not "out there." So everyone: shhhh.

In case you're not familiar, the Wilhelm scream is a stock sound effect, from 1951, of a man screaming and has become an in-joke among movie lovers. Here's a hilarious compilation of scenes the Wilhelm scream should have appeared in.

We've earned TV treating us like idiots. This is the nation that gets emotionally invested enough to call a hotline to determine whether Pamela Anderson or Evan Lysacek is the better dancer.

Because Bill Clinton politely asked fringe conservatives to stop encouraging violence against the government on the anniversary of the Oklahoma City bombing, Michele Bachmann has decided that he wants to "take her out." In a killing sense. Not romantically.

Scientists are bashing minty tobacco-filled "Camel Orbs" candies, because they might get kids addicted to nicotine. "Nuh uh" a big tobacco spokesman retorts. When will scientists hop off the bitchy teen hater train, and onto the nicotine flavor train? [NYT]

Learning a foreign language is an excellent way to enhance cross-cultural understanding and foster communication amongst diverse groups. Becoming a prostitute is an even simpler way to open yourself up to wholly unknown worlds. Why not try both at once?

Gwyneth won't play Nicole's wife in a movie because Kidman dissed her. Lindsay Lohan is more than $500,000 in debt. Sandra Bullock is in trouble again. Jennifer Aniston is going to direct. Monday's gossip is a damsel in distress.

Friends. like zombies, know that humans are at their most vulnerable on the toilet.

He just likes going to gay nightclubs to watch his friend Charice sing pop songs. Season 7 runner-up David Archuleta was spotted at a club this weekend, igniting ribald speculation across the Twitterverse. So he was forced to "defend" himself.

The US military has reportedly killed two top leaders of Al Qaeda in Iraq.

Anyone possessing the power of sight and a rudimentary understanding of right and wrong can see that Patrick Pogan, the cop videotaped knocking a bike rider down for no reason, is an asshole. Not his fault, say his asshole defenders.

Tired of those pesky telemarketers? Getting too many calls from the collection agency? This video explains exactly how to unmask those blocked calls.

We closed up shop on Friday and headed to Panna II to enjoy Indian food in an "interesting" atmosphere. If you encountered any of us at part two of our meetup, let these photos be evidence of our alcohol intake!

And by that we mean children murdering people, not the other way around. Also this week: you guys love your dragons, some of you lovey our Miley Cyrus, and others love your gay midget funeral movies.